The Naughty Cucumber

There once was a cucumber who lived in a greenhouse with his cucumber friends. Accommodations were tight but that was ok since they never knew any different, and they quite liked it actually because, being so close together, they never got cold. The cucumbers lived a happy life, hanging off the plant which provided them with the nourishment they needed to grow into big strappy specimen, enjoying the occasional shower of cool, fresh water which the farmer sprinkled on them, and otherwise just basking in the sun that shone through the roof of the greenhouse. They thought that this was what a cucumber's life was all about.

One day though there was great commotion down the other end of the cucumber patch. Excited and terrified cucumber voices were heard throughout the greenhouse, the cucumbers that had been around a while were hiding the little ones behind leaves in order to protect them from what was about to happen.. yes, the farmer came through with a sharp knife and harvested the ripe vegetables. Our friend the cucumber had always been proud of his physique, a fat, juicy one it was, nice and long, firm, slightly bent, lovely green color.. and at this very moment it feared for its life. Shivering, it said a quick prayer to the eternal cucumber, please oh please don't let me get the chop - when it felt a sharp cut right above its head and fell onto the ground.

It was picked up by a pair of hands and layered into a crate with a bunch of its friends. Well, at least they wouldn't have to make their final journey alone, wherever they were going. Lids were put on, then the crates were loaded onto a big truck. Our cucumber was actually having an interesting time. There were holes in the crate and it could see out. It had never been anywhere before so this was quite an adventure. It didn't know any of the other cucumbers in the crate personally but they all seemed nice enough.

The ride in the truck was a rumbly one at first, across a few fields, then onto a smooth road. The cucumber started to really enjoy itself, wondering what would be next. It fell asleep.... when it awoke they were still in the truck. The chatter of the other cucumbers had died down a bit. One cucumber, an older one, was telling a disturbing story. It had heard from a cucumber friend of its that when the cucumbers get harvested they get sold to big places called supermarkets, where people would buy them, take them home, chop them up and eat them! Our cucumber thought it was the most horrible story it had ever heard, and didn't believe it. But the bravado and sense of adventure gave way to a bit of fear..

Finally, the truck stopped. The cucumbers strained themselves trying to see where they were, seemed they were parked of a big building. They heard human voices, then the farmer unloaded the crates and they were taken into the building. The crates were opened and loaded onto carts, then rolled into a different room which had music and lots of people in it. Still our cucumber thought nothing of it, it was enjoying the ride, taking in all the new things that were there to see. They were being wheeled through long aisles of food items and finally reached their destination.

Having arrived in the produce department our cucumber was amazed to see so many different vegetables. It had never known that they all existed! Sure, it had heard stories about different species but having never been anywhere but the cucumber patch in the greenhouse, it was simply overwhelmed by the variety, and everyone spoke a different dialect. How interesting this all was!

The cucumbers were arranged in a basket. Kind of cozy really once they got used to it, and just like in the greenhouse there was a sprinkle of water every few minutes so they wouldn't shrivel up. A lot noisier though than what they were used to. Our cucumber started to feel at home. Almost immediately after they got settled humans kept coming over and touching them, feeling for firmness and texture, discussing them with fellow shoppers.. Our cucumber didn't quite like this kind of treatment, and it was starting to wonder whether the story that old cucumber told in the truck was true..

It was still pondering that possibility as well as its chances of escape when it was being picked up by a pair of soft hands. These hands stroked gently over its soft skin, and yes they squeezed here and there but somehow it was ok.. the cucumber felt a strange sense of purpose, and was surprised by the joy it felt when it was placed in a shopping cart. How strange.. it merrily said its goodbyes to its friends that stayed behind as the cart was pushed away.

Other items were placed into the cart, all of which the cucumber had never seen before. Some had packaging around them, some didn't, some were edible, others smelled soapy. It couldn't talk to any of them so it started to feel lonely. After a little while all the items were placed on a funny kind of conveyor belt, handled by a different person, and thrown into a bag. Then there was another road trip, though this time in the trunk of a little green car, and it was a quick trip, and once arrived, the other items were put away in cabinets and a refrigerator. But the cucumber was left on the kitchen counter, alone, and wondering..

Not long after all this happened the woman who had bought it came back into the kitchen. She turned the water on and reached for a brush. The cucumber wasn't sure what to think about this at all. Where was the knife? The cutting board? The salad bowl? The woman took the cucumber into her left hand and started scrubbing it with that brush - ooh, that tickled! But it felt good! She scrubbed it all over, and when she felt she had scrubbed enough she held the cucumber under the hot water and rubbed it up and down with her right hand. The cucumber had never had a hot shower before and enjoyed it immensely, especially with all the touching and the rubbing.. it was starting to feel all cozy and nice.

The water was turned off and the cucumber found itself wrapped in a paper towel, being rubbed dry. Then it was taken into a different room and placed onto a mattress that had a soft white sheet on it. The woman was by now laying next to it but with her back to it, she was talking on the phone and seemed to be having a good time. The cucumber thought, oh, she must have forgotten all about me. It was trying to understand what the woman was saying but of course it couldn't, it didn't speak human. So it just hung out.

Suddenly it noticed a change in the woman's tone of voice and watched as she rolled over onto her back. One of her hands seemed to have disappeared between her legs somewhere as she was still talking on the phone. The cucumber was curious now. It had never seen a anything like it. The woman brought her fingers up to her mouth, then reached for the cucumber. The fingers smelled different now than when they were at the store, there was a lovely scent on them, and they were all sticky.. the cucumber liked it. It was being picked up and placed between the woman's thighs. The scent was stronger down there, and the cucumber inhaled deeply to take it all in.

The woman guided the cucumber up and down that slit between her legs, hitting a little button every once in a while, which seemed to make her squirm. The cucumber thought this was a great game and enjoyed looking at all the nooks and crannies. It was very slippery and steamy down there, so much fun to slide around. Just when it thought it couldn't possibly get any better the woman took a firm hold on the cucumber and pushed it into a cavern of sorts inside her body. Whoaaaaa.. it was so tight and so hot, and so wet, the cucumber was ecstatic.. just then it was pulled back out, only to be pushed back in..

The cucumber was delirious with happy feelings, never, not in a hundred cucumber years could it have imagined such delight. The woman was making strange noises now which the cucumber could actually feel inside her body. She rotated the cucumber while it was stuck inside her, and she made circles around that little button from before. She was going insane and breathing heavily. The cucumber understood that it was being used as a pleasuring device, and it was proud to be of service. It was eager to work with the woman's hands and body parts. The cucumber did its best.

After a short time, while the cucumber was inside the woman, it felt great pressure, as if the walls were caving in on it. Oh, the cucumber loved it, and apparently so did the woman! She literally came off the mattress while keeping a death grip on the cucumber, the cucumber loved the extreme tightness and the extra moisture. The woman mumbled words into the phone that the cucumber didn't understand. The woman seemed pleased, and the cucumber was quite pleased with itself as well, understanding that it had done a good job. It wanted to stay inside for a little while but couldn't hold on, so it slipped out and lay there on the mattress, covered in juicy stuff, feeling great. The woman said her goodbyes to her lover on the other end of the line and hung up. She purred and snuggled herself into the covers. She didn't pay any attention to the cucumber, but the cucumber didn't mind, it was still recovering from this most extraordinary experience and had its own thoughts to sort out.

It wasn't long before the woman got up. She went into the bathroom and the cucumber stayed behind so it wasn't sure what she was doing. She came back and picked it up. She actually talked to it, the cucumber desperately wished it could understand human because her voice was so soft, and there was a giggle or two. They went back into the kitchen.. the woman turned the water on and flipped a switch that made a loud noise come on. The cucumber somehow knew that its life was about to end right there and then. But it didn't mind. It had been to paradise. Not all cucumbers get to do what it had just done. Others get chopped up, eaten, and digested. It got to fuck someone. It was quite happy with the way its life had turned out. The woman and the cucumber looked at each other one last time, both grateful for the other. Then it was over.