The Mrs Santa Clause 1

In this story, Santa Claus is both the commercialized 'Jolly Elf' of today's 'real world' and the darker historical figure that predates Christianity. The setting is a multi-dimensional universe with historically notable, legendary references and figures, as well as my creations. And no, I didn't confine the historical characters to their previously known tellings. I made a few leaps that while not traditionally accepted, are theorized as possible by some historians. This world blends realities but leans toward the one Jim Butcher described. While some names are the same, I assume he took them from the same historical legends I did. The two specific references to his story world are included with permission.

To help you enjoy this tale, here are a few pseudonyms given to the figure you may know as Santa Claus.

Aldafaor : Father of men, or Father of the world.

Haptasnytrir : Teacher of Gods.

Haptagud : God of the imprisoned.

Oski : God of wishes...Not the mascot from U.C. Berkeley

Erlking : King of the Fey, and leader of the Wild Hunt.

So... if the thought of the 'Jolly Elf' living amongst immortals with very high libidos upsets you, try to understand that there is a war going on. While most of the characters in this story will never age, death comes often to the Fey. Their high libidos are needed to counter losses to the Outsiders. That being said, this is not a war story...

The Mrs. Santa Clause:

A novella by R.C.PeterGabriel, all rights reserved.

I blew gently across the top of my mug, cooling the steaming cocoa blend. It was a bad habit born of centuries of cooking over an open fire. I didn't need to cool the cocoa. It was the perfect temperature, just below too hot. I transferred the mug to my left hand so that I could sign a requisition for more glitter.

I had no idea how we could go through so much of it. Everyone knows a single pinch of the stuff can grow like a virus until your entire house is coated in it. But we somehow go through tons of it. Red glitter, green glitter, gold glitter, pink and silver glitter, silver and blue glitter, plain silver glitter. Hell, we seemingly can't live without the over two hundred verities of glitter used in the wrapping department alone.

If you want to know the truth, I hate glitter. But, the world loves it, so we keep using it. As I sipped my 'almost' too hot but deliciously creamy cocoa, I flashed on the idea of sending an emissary to the Earth's World Health Organization, requesting glitter be declared a carcinogen. Then I realized that for that to happen, I'd probably have to threaten to stop the whole toy delivery gig I have going. Even though it's not profitable, I just can't see myself pulling the plug. After all, who am I to stop offering hope and joy to the kids of the Earth?

Yeah, I know. They're all going to grow up to be pessimistic, hate-mongering, victims of self-imposed ignorance. People bent on the pursuit of vanity and greed. But, before they grow up believing they've invented a whole new way to profit from pointless crap like glitter, I make them happy. At least for a few weeks a year anyway.

I glanced up at the knock at my door. My daughter was half-leaning into the office, looking so much like her mother it almost hurt. I could tell the weather had started to turn because her legs were no longer bare and her hem had dropped several inches. She was wearing one of her green almost-knee-length dresses with fir trim and matching leggings. Her usual curly-toed ankle boots had been replaced with her curly-toed calf-length boots. I glanced at my calendar and noticed that it was already November thirtieth.

"Daddy, we have a problem that you need to address."

"Sweetheart, you know I'm busy."

Just then she gave a little squeak, as my Head Elf, squeezed past her with his eyes locked onto her cleavage. With her leaning into the room, the display was better than normal. That, and he would usually be required to look up slightly to admire the view. But now with him being one of the shortest of Yule Elves, it was at a perfect level for his four feet of height.

"Hey, Noelle," he cheerfully greeted, while continuing past. As he did, I watched his hand drop from under her skirt.

She said nothing as he grinned up at her and moved towards my desk.

I saw the disgust in her squinted eyes as he turned his back to her. I knew what was about to happen but didn't stop it. If I'd known why my lovely progeny was gracing my office, I would have offered a far more significant punishment. Instead, she waived a finger slightly, sending a lance of sparkles to the rug at the front of my desk and a moment later it yanked itself from under Bernard's feet. He was pitched forward with a yelp, followed by the sound of his skull striking the edge of my desk.

I waited as he slowly righted himself. There was an angry gash on his forehead with a large trickle of sparkly blood running into his eye. He wobbled momentarily and steadied himself with a hand on my desk. I watched the wound close slowly before I ordered him to apologize to his sister.

"Half-sister!" exclaimed Noelle in an obvious attempt to distance herself from her lecherous half-brother.

He glanced at me, spotting my annoyed expression, before turning back to my daughter. "I am most sincerely sorry that you, Noelle, are more beautiful than even a man of my formidable impulse control can withstand. Aphrodite and Venus, both have the face and body of a walrus, compared to your stunning form. I beg your forgiveness, and ask you to remember that I will try harder to restrain myself in the future."

I smirked as Noelle, stepped forward to emphasize her height advantage. Bernard on the other hand wasn't intimidated. Instead, he used the opportunity to ogle her from close up.

"I remember that you're a very small man, Bernard. Small of stature. Small of character. Small in every way."

My head elf put hands to hips and puffed up indignantly. "Who's small of stature?!?"

Noelle sighed, palmed his face, and pushed him aside before looking back at me. "As I was saying Daddy, you need to come with me"

"Can it wait? I'm very busy, Sweetheart."

"Mother was spotted entering the Peppermint Refinery!"

I was on my feet instantly, while uttering "Skitr!" before I could sensor myself. We rushed from the room, almost knocking Bernard down again.

"You should have led with that, Noelle. I've warned her over and over! If she contacts too much Oil, we could be done for. Even if I could forgive her again, the spells won't allow it!"

We rushed past hundreds of startled elves that moments before were happily singing away as they worked to bring joy to countless little girls and boys. The typical factory noises were slowing as the workers started to pause and take in the unusual sight.

I heard a few whispers of 'wild hunt', and not wanting a panic, I called out praise and encouragement as we ran. We waved and smiled as I sent magic to activate the aroma therapy diffusers stationed around the massive building. Soon, the scents of holly and warm cookies filled the air, calming the worker's nerves.

It would be a disaster if my concerns slowed the toy production at this time of year. But worse still, if word gets out that Carol is relapsing again, not only will half the workforce want to jump on that train but I'd be forced to invoke the Mrs. Santa clause.

No, not Mrs. Santa Claus, like in my wife's name, THE 'Mrs. Santa Clause'. The magical binding that limits my marriage. Once triggered, I would be instantly single again. My ex-wife would be sent back to Alfheimr in disgrace to face her mother at the Winter Court.

Think of the clause as a postnuptial contract. Back in 1581 the supernatural community, more or less forced me to give Carol one more chance in the name of interdimensional good will. Not to mention appeasing the Queen. I only agreed because of the finality of the 'Mrs. Santa Clause'. But, that had been so long ago, that I no longer hoped the clause would ever be invoked.

I realize that none of this was ever her fault. Simply put, my wonderful wife, has always been an addict. And addicts do stupid things when they're strung out. In Carol's case, she turns into an insatiable cum slut. She'll fuck and suck anything. It doesn't matter if they're human, fey, or in between. Hell, the last time she was caught, she was with four elves, a pixie, and a centaur. Rumors told of an additional two satyrs and the Tooth Fairy, making their escapes as I landed on the roof of her little love nest. She couldn't even keep her dalliances to the Winter Court!

Before that, she hadn't even tried to keep her needs in check. I tolerated it at first for two reasons. One, I was in love with her, well I guess I still love her more than I want to admit. The second was that I was too busy trying to build and operate a global enterprise to knock her up every few weeks. But without her birthing at least two older siblings for Noelle per month, we never would have been able to get the factory up and running.

Once every department was more than fully staffed, I insisted Carol seek counseling and attend rehab. It was difficult for everyone at first, but once she kicked the Peppermint Oil, our relationship eventually became perfect. Or at least as good as it could be.

It took a long time for me to trust her again but we agreed to a child. Our first, to my knowledge. Noelle was born thirty-nine weeks later, which was a testament to her being mine. Although, I did secretly have two separate blood-magic paternity tests done... Just in case. That was just over a hundred years ago.

I knew this had to be hard on Noelle. She has known the origin story of the Yule Elves her whole life, but to her, it was just like any other tale from Faerie. A story from the past that she wasn't forced to equate with her mother. She seemed to be handling it well so far, but being made to confront her mother's depravity couldn't be easy.

We made it to the factory's northern exit, where we burst through without regard for the weather. Our winter gear sparkled into existence around us with little more than a thought. Noelle looked simply stunning in her's. The tailored calf-length coat and matching mittens kept her warm but allowed her nubile figure to be known even under layers of thick cloth. The fir-trimmed cowl of her riding cloak framed her face perfectly without a hint that any amount of wind could displace it.

My outfit on the other hand, always makes me look fat. I hated it almost as much as glitter. Well, not really, I hate glitter more, but my usual winter outerwear is a manifestation of how people perceive me. I just wished they realized that being from Faerie, I couldn't get fat if I wanted to. Being a god does have some advantages.

The air was crisp, and the sky was clear, accentuating the brilliance of the Arora and the millions of visible stars beyond. It was a truly beautiful site and I wished I had the time to enjoy it. The clear night was helpful though, as I could easily make out the chimneys over the Peppermint refinery a mile away.

As we ran, Noelle instinctively held her closest arm out and wrapped herself around my neck as I scooped her up a second later. A few running paces farther I uttered an urgent, "Now!"

She pressed the side of my nose since both of my hands were full, and we shot across the distance in an instant. Once on the roof, she repeated the action, and space was folded a second time. I set her down as the very air itself infused us with a rush of power.

Pure Peppermint Oil, is a wondrous thing. No, not the genetically weakened version that humans grow. The Faerie-grown Peppermint. Capital 'P'. The scent alone can recharge the magic of most fey. Ingesting a cup of the pure uncut oil holds enough power to get me through half of Christmas Eve. It may be a common cash crop in Faerie, but on Earth, it's priceless.

Unfortunately, I was going to need another shipment of leaves within the next few days or Christmas might not happen this year. The entire batch being processed had been tainted. That, as strange as it may seem, hadn't been my biggest concern at the time.

I glanced at Noelle, seeing a single tear slide down the cheek of her angelic face. It was literally the very first tear she had ever shed. She may have been intellectually aware of her mother's history, but the sight before her had simply shattered her naive worldview. I turned her from the scene, pulling her against my chest. "Don't look, Baby Girl."

We were too late.

There were five of the refinery workers surrounding my... ex-wife. She was glistening from head to toe, looking as if she'd been submerged in the pure oil.

Only two of the group had any clothes left on at all. One of the workers had retained his long red, green, and gold striped socks, while another was still wearing his stocking cap. The bell on its tip, jingled rhythmically in time with the thrusting of his already magically enhanced cock into the sloppy wetness before him.

One of his coworkers was laying on his back, with his obscenely fat cock buried balls deep in Carol's ass. Another worker was forcing his fifteen-inch dick into her throat. I could see it stretching her neck with each thrust.

Carol, in the meantime, was wanking both of the other workers, pausing every few strokes to gesture with a finger. The action caused my ex-wife's beautiful calligraphy to appear in the air over her writhing body. She didn't even want to pause her air-tight status long enough to voice her moaning desires.

After her latest written instruction, I watched all five cocks sparkle briefly, before gaining girth and another several inches of length. At her audible, albeit muffled moans, I had seen and heard more than enough.

With a single tear of my own, the Mrs. Santa Clause was invoked.

The entire group solidified into a pornographic ice sculpture, as a gate formed through the Nevernever directly into the throne room of the Winter Court. It was now up to Queen Mab to decide their fate. I knew she would probably display the sculpture in her gardens for a few centuries before she allowed them to rejoin my former mother-in-law's court.

The Queen might actually punish Carol for risking so many balances between the realms. But if they were allowed to rejoin the court, I had my doubts that Carol would find the many feasts, known for their excessive debauchery, to be much of a burden.

Yes, I was sad about the loss of my wife, although I was feeling a strange sense of closure. I was actually more upset at the loss of Noelle's mother.

We made our way back to our home. Both were lost in our thoughts. I eventually guided Noelle to her room, made sure she had plenty of cocoa and reminded her that it had been inevitable.

She reached up and lovingly touched my face. "You've known all along, that someday... today, would happen. I can see it now. You've been holding your breath all this time."

I paused a moment trying to find the words to comfort her, but as I thought about it, I realized that my marriage had been doomed from the start. Yes, I had loved her, but it was a political marriage at its core. Basically, it was an underhanded enticement that Queen Mab had used to secure my cooperation and ultimate indenture.

Not wanting to fade, and having been enticed further with the beautiful Princess Carol, I agreed to take on the additional mantle. Lesser, though it may be.

I think Carol had made an effort to love me in return. In truth, I believe she succeeded. At least as much as is possible for her.

Unfortunately, she hadn't been strong enough to overcome her addiction to the Oil, or the side effects that went with it. I have no clue why the very rare individual can't process the Oil the way the rest of us do. It's entirely possible that Carol was actually using it so efficiently that even small amounts equated to an overdose. But I guess it doesn't matter.

What mattered at that moment was my daughter. I had twenty-five days to figure out the other issues.

"I think you're right, Sweetheart. I guess it didn't matter that your mother was an addict. We hadn't chosen each other to be espoused. Queen Mab, felt that offering one of her princesses would ensure the success of Father Winter's foothold into the Earth's culture. And, it would seem that she was correct.

"Without your mother's... contributions, the Yule Elves wouldn't exist and I certainly wouldn't have wanted to pull all of this off on my own. But, I'm not worried about any of that at the moment. I'm worried about you. You have to be hurting. What can I do to help?"

She smiled sadly at me. "To be honest, Daddy, I do need you to do something for me."

"Anything, Sweetheart. You've never specifically asked me for a single Christmas gift. Except, when you were four and wanted a unicorn," I added with a smile. "I can arrange a visit to the Summer Court for you if you want to visit him. I'm sure he'd love to see you."

Her smile shifted slightly, as happy memories washed over her for a few moments. "Thank you, Daddy. But, not now. I need something else."

"Anything you want."

"Good. Please, hear me out. You've been helping people from the beginning of time, and I know you get joy from that. And that is why you deserve that joy. You've never been selfish about getting anything in return for your actions, except to see other people happy.

"And then you took on the Santa Mantle and have worked tirelessly to make even more people happy. I know that with what has just happened, everyone is going to be spouting over how horrible it is that Mother is gone. Sadness and possibly even despair might taint the entire pole. Because of that, I don't think anything productive will happen here if you're around.

"As your gift to me, all of our workers, and to the children of the Earth, I want two things. One, that you officially turn governance of the North Pole over to me. Just temporarily. Just until we agree that you can return productively. And two, while you're gone, I want you to find someone that you can truly love. You deserve real happiness, Daddy. Not just the happiness you get vicariously. I know that's what you live for, but from a practical sense, there isn't a snowflake's chance on a sun that you'll be productive again without a wife.

"Plus, I'm sure I'll be happier with a mother too. So please Daddy, go and don't come back without a wife."

"I made a promise that I'd give you what you want, but you're not ready for Christmas Eve. Although, I do trust you with operations. I can make the announcements that you're in charge temporarily but one way or another I have to be back by the twenty-third."

"Deal struck. But only if you agree to leave again if you haven't found someone."

I sighed. A promise is a promise, and to someone born in Faerie, your words are magically binding. "Okay, Noelle. You get your wish as long as I don't have to put glitter on the bow."

Her grin was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.

.............................................

A short time later, Noelle cried out happily, after a surprised gasp. "Grandmother!"

She rushed forward to kneel at the feet of the Queen, regardless of the hesitancy that always accompanied unexpected visits.

"Don't be silly, girl. We're alone. Get up and hug your Grandmother."

Noelle grinned as she climbed to her feet, before leaning in for a brief hug. Her smile faded a bit before voicing her assumption. "I guess you got Daddy's message."

Mab nodded solemnly. "I did. But, that isn't why I'm here." She paused, making sure she was being paid attention to. "I need you to secrete a few items into your father's bag before he leaves."

Now fully concerned, but hiding it well, Noelle wondered at her Grandmother's motives. She had never gotten the impression that her father was the Queen's favorite son-in-law. And now that he had rejected the princess and sent her home in disgrace, justifiable fear started to seep into her.