"Who the hell are you?"
"What do you mean, mortal? I am Apollo."
Ariadne was overcome with a wave of nausea. When the door had opened, she'd thought the man was her god returning.
So, he's our god now, is he?
her inner voice scoffed.
You don't even like him, let alone know who he is.
"I'm thinking about it, okay?" she grumped.
"I assure you, woman, I am the sun god." Ariadne glared up at him. Why did everyone assume she was talking to them when she spoke aloud?
Because there's no one else around, Ari.
"Hmpf."
"Do you doubt me, woman?"
Ariadne glared up at the beautiful god. "Stop calling me 'woman.' I am not impressed by your macho attitude; I have a name."
Apollo stared at her in shock for a moment before he laughed. His abdominal muscles bunched enticingly. He seemed genuinely pleased by her acerbic reaction and brushed a lank tendril out of her eyes. "What is your name?"
"Ariadne."
"Ah; I've heard of you."
"You have? How?"
"Well, you were transformed into a goddess after being abandoned by Theseus." Apollo seemed genuinely confused that she didn't recognize her own myth. "Don't you remember it?"
"Well, no... No...
Of course not
. I wasn't alive then. My great-great-great-great-grandmother wasn't even alive then. I mean, now. Whenever it is." She paced in a tight circle, thinking hard. "I mean, I'd know if I were a goddess, right? I'd have all those powers and stuff. I'd live forever." She glanced sharply at Phoebus. "I
know
I'd remember living forever."
"Hmm. Your logic is impeccable. You cannot be that woman." Apollo gave her a half-grin, his eyes twinkling. Suddenly, he stiffened, glaring over her shoulder.
"What in the blood are
you
doing here, Apollo?"
Ari spun to face the dark god.
Have you figured out who he is yet?
"No. You?" The two gods- fortunately- didn't even glance at her; they were too busy shouting at each other.
Yep.
"You have?" But she'd spoken too loudly; they'd noticed her.
"Woman, you must decide," the dark god growled. "Apollo or me." His hands were clenched, and Ari got the distinct impression that he really wanted to be gripping a sword so he could cut Apollo to bits.
Or maybe,
her conscience laughed,
blast him to smithereens with a bolt of lightning?
Ariadne ignored her inner dialogue and focused on the two well-sculpted men standing on either side of her. She could tell they were about to tear each other apart.
"You tricked her into sex," Ares snarled in Greek.
"Possibly. But at least I know her name," Apollo sneered back.
"You lie." Apollo's face grew stormy, and the light from the windows at the end of the hall vanished.
"Ariadne?" Phoebus Apollo said softly.
"Hmm?" The mortal woman focused with him; with difficulty, she shifted focus to his face, entirely missing the satisfied smirk Apollo threw at Ares.
"Which one of us do you prefer?"
She looked alarmed for a moment, color creeping into her cheeks. She glanced from one god to the other; then her expression relaxed. Both Ares and Apollo drew themselves up, preening, unaccustomed to having to argue over a mortal. A nymph, yes. Aphrodite, yes. But a human woman? Not in a million years. And they should know.
"I choose... Neither of you."
"What?" Both gods exclaimed simultaneously.
"Neither of you," Ariadne repeated, feeling smug. She'd given what she deemed the perfect answer. "You see," she said in her most pedantic voice, "you both are incredibly sexy, but you-" she indicated the dark god "-trapped me in your room and however accidentally, allowed Hermes to try and poison me." The dark god looked taken aback, and took a breath to yell something, but Ariadne cut him off. "And
you
-" she jabbed her finger at Apollo "-tricked me into thinking you were him, when you knew I'd just walked in Aphrodite's potion. Don't shake your head at me, I know you did."
Both gods were speechless- but not enraged; thank heavens.
"In conclusion, I choose neither the jailer nor the trickster. And I would like pen and paper." Before Ares could register that it was a mortal who commanded him, a "pen" and a sheet of parchment had appeared in his hand.
"I have things to do," he snapped at Apollo, turned on his heel, and disappeared in a cloud of black smoke.
The mortal Ariadne barely gave Phoebus a backwards glance as she traipsed back into Ares' chambers, her generous backside quivering with her brisk step. Apollo rolled his eyes at mortal folly and also disappeared, in a puff of gold dust.