Authors Note: My apologies for the long hiatus. I recently changed job titles, which put a more physical work load on me that tended to cut into my writing times as it also changed my daily schedule. In other news your Uncle Bono is hopefully going to be getting a new job as an emergency dispatcher, which means I get to tell cops and paramedics where to go and what to do- a terrifying thought to keep you all up at night. So this here is a lost chapter created after Regina's Garden. It's been sitting around unfinished for quite some time so I finally decided to get it done. I will have another Home Improver chapter that takes place post June's Revenge up in a few weeks. Enjoy!
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"Aaaadam, I know you're heeeeere." June sang from not too far away.
David peeked from around the corner. What da fuck was going on here? Looking down he spotted Adam, the garden associate, hiding behind a pallet of tile in the flooring showroom. Why the hell was that jack ass hiding in his department of all places?
"I've had a boy from almost each and every department except yours. Don't you want to help me complete my collection?" June giggled. "I promise I'll be gentle, you'll never even miss that pesky virginity when I'm done."
TM- fucking -I, chick, David thought as he hid himself around the corner of an endcap. That June was a crazy ass slut and he seriously did NOT want to be on her radar. Why couldn't that moron just make a run for it to his own department. At least he had a DH that was around and cared. His own was a Phantom that he hardly ever saw and when he did, the chick just kept going on about having to write stories on some website called Literotica, whatever the hell that was.
A ring from the flooring desk phone interrupted his thoughts, June's too evidently, as she turned and stared at the phone with it's annoying ringtone. God, he hated that ringtone. Adam then decided to make a break for it only to have June catch him with her hair. Sorry bro, every man for himself when it comes to that skank, David thought to himself.
"Bitch, what the hell did I tell you about raping my associates?!"
Ah, see? His DH has his back. Afterwards, when all the action died down, David was finally able to actually do some work and downstock. His efforts were sadly short-lived however when he was asked for help by his co-worker a Lich named Nelly,
"David, I have need of your assistance."
Sighing, David looked longingly at the 10 boxes that he brought down by ladder, they probably wouldn't get worked today...
"Yeah, Nelly what's up?" He asked, walking over to her. She was sitting at the flooring desk, staring at the blank computer screen.
"This machine is not working." She said in an annoyed tone, which was surprising for the fact that she usually never showed much in the way of emotions.
"That's because it's not on, Nelly," David sighed, "See that little button on the side of the monitor? Push it and it will turn on and be running in a couple of minutes."
Staring at the monitor for a uncomfortably long period, Nelly reached over and pushed the power button.
David sighed again although internally, you could have the most powerful sorceress in the world doing her thing, but slap a computer down in front of her and all of a sudden, she becomes the biggest retard ever known. Magic and Earth tech just didn't mix.
It really didn't make sense for the Lich to be in the department. She had a difficult time using the computers, trying to teach her about all the different kinds of flooring materials was a nightmare and when he tried, she would just give him a long creepy stare. His other co-worker Karrie, the ghoul, at least semi knew what the hell she was doing. She personally was more into carpet, though, as she said it was more comfortable on her knees when she was giving her boyfriend blow jobs. That chick could tell the softest carpets and the best pads from a mile away...
It wasn't that he didn't like Nelly, she was actually pretty cute in her own way. Short- a little under 5 foot, pale skin with black hair down to her shoulders, and small pert breasts. She was actually pretty easy on the eyes. Her personality was almost non-existent though. She gave simple answers and questions, deadpan expressions, it sometimes seemed like the lights were on but nobody was home. She always asked him for help however, maybe she just was comfortable around him or just figured that he knew what the hell he was doing?
"Thank you, David." She said as the computer finally booted up.
He watched as she stared at the now lit screen, losing his patience over her inaction he finally asked,
"Okay, what are you trying to do?"
"I wish to register that I am working."
"Nelly, you've been working for like 3 hours already, didn't you punch in at the time clock when you got here?"
A heavy silence overtook them as he stared at the Lich. David couldn't tell for sure, but she looked vaguely embarrassed.
David sighed for the umpteenth time, "Fine, let's go find an ASM, maybe they can fix your time."
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The day later turned into its usual nightmare. Too many customers that needed too much help and not enough associates. It was usually just himself and Nelly most of the time. Every moron that walked into the department thought they could do the same job as a professional, they just needed a little 'explanation' on how to do it.
Sure, like a 5 minute crash course could replace years of experience. Still, they did it anyway just to save money. Then there were the so-called "pros" that frequently visited the department. These guys claimed they were experts but when push came to shove, they always asked how many cases of flooring was needed for their job or how much mortar for the tile or carpet for a room. You would think that after years of doing the same thing, they would learn to calculate how much material they needed.
'Okay, got the trowels worked, just need to stock the tile spacers and I should be all done', thought David.
"David, I require your assistance." The Lich called from the nearby desk
"God damn it," David breathed to himself, then in a louder voice, he yelled from the aisle, "Yeah, Nelly?"
"The customer on the telephone is inquiring how many 12" tiles are needed for her floor."
"Well how many square feet does she have?"
The long pause only served to frustrated David as he waited for a response.
"She does not know how to calculate square footage."
"Length times width! You know that Nelly!"
For the dozenth time that day, David resisted the urge to drop his purple work apron on the ground and walk out. He needed the job though, not too many places around town we're hiring and this, if any, was at least a steady source of income.
David really was just a normal kind of guy. No major issues, hang ups, or problems save for he didn't know what he wanted to do with his life. He was fairly young at being 22, yet he had no interest in going to college or a trade school. There was nothing out there that just seemed to interest him. In a way he felt lost, not knowing what he should be doing, but there had to be something out there for him, right? It was a depressing thought that he tended not to dwell on for too long. Maybe on his next day off he should check a career website?
Later, as his shift was ending, David walked by the back row of the department. It was an odd, out-of-the-way area that no one really went to shop and a convenient route to take if you wanted to avoid customers. As he traveled, David noticed Nelly using her magic to upstock cases of tile that couldn't fit on the shelf. Stopping to watch, he felt a tingle of jealousy. Magic sure made things convenient, those cases were an easy 80lbs each and she was just levitating them with no problem. An odd sound made him look up. All vibrations of the tile landing on the racking was making the pallet above her tilt and wabble, it was going to fall on her!
Breaking into a run, David barely managed to push the Lich away when the pallet teetered down on top of him.
