Last summer something extraordinary happened to me. I was holidaying in the south of Spain for a week, taking precious time off studies. One morning, a couple of days before I was due to leave (I had a fixed flight), I overheard a party of Americans talking about a 'Cave of Goblins' in the mountains north of Seville.
I have always been fascinated with goblins and other such creatures - and indeed my final year thesis was on representations of goblins in European mythology and literature - so this was an opportunity I couldn't refuse. I hired a car later that morning and by lunchtime I was on my way.
My Spanish isn't good, and my driving and navigation not much better (sometimes 'women drivers' really are that bad!), and by the time I found the cave it was starting to get dark. I was just in time for the last guided tour. It wasn't in English, and there was a large party of Japanese clustered around their own guide who was translating loudly from Spanish, so I trailed at the end of the group, enjoying the astonishing rock features and wonderful colours.
The cave was carefully set up for tourists with walkways and indirect lighting. I felt completely safe, and yet utterly vulnerable with the weight of rock over my head. The strangeness and beauty of the caves made the idea of goblins seem not merely possible but likely. Despite the intense quietness of the caverns (apart, of course, from the noise of the tourists) sometimes I thought I could hear sinister whispers, which made me laugh to myself. The place certainly played on the imagination.
'Ali!' Almost a sigh. Soft. Seductive. It was funny how the whispers seemed to call me by name. I wondered whether the others could hear it too. 'Ali!'
By this time I was trailing quite far behind the group, and the whispers were clearer. It was getting difficult to dismiss them as my imagination. In fact, they seemed to be coming from part of the cave that branched away from the guided walk. I paused, looking at the entrance. It was narrow, but I would be able to squeeze through it, though my breasts would find it quite tight...
I shook my head, calling myself an idiot. I knew it was strictly forbidden to leave the path - but there was something about that entrance. It was dark beyond, but I could see that the cave opened up inside. And at that moment I was all alone, the guide party out of sight around a bend.
I turned to follow them, but my feet didn't move. 'Ali!' The whisper, still too soft to really believe in, called to me. I looked at that dark slit in the rock, a tingling excitement at the thought of forbidden adventure. Perhaps, I thought to myself, that's where the goblins live!
Checking around me guiltily, I assured myself that no one was watching, then stepped across carefully, quietly, to the entrance and worked myself through the narrow gap. My nipples brushed painfully against the rock, making me wish I'd worn a bra. (I usually don't. I find them very uncomfortable.)
To this day I don't understand why I went in there. It seems insane to me now. Perhaps I was under an enchantment, although I think the truth is I was just being stupid. The fear of being caught is an aphrodisiac, and I was certainly aroused by my trespass.
My eyes adjusted gradually to the dark, and I was able to see the shadowy outlines of the striated walls. The cave was more or less the size of my hotel room, the ceiling a little lower and with jutting stalactites so that I had to crouch as I felt my way around. My greatest worry was that the floor of the cave would give way and that I would plummet to my death in the depths of the world, but the ground proved to be solid and firm, if uneven.
It was at the very rear of the cave that I made my discovery. The ceiling became very low there, and the walls close together, so that my shoulders brushed lightly against both sides. The shadows there were deep, almost impenetrable, but something there could just be seen.
Jutting out from the back wall, pointing out and up, was a startling rock formation, having a shape very suggestive of a penis. Longer and thicker than any I'd ever had the pleasure of, more like what you would expect to see in a porn film. And it was smooth.
Yes, I touched it. Of course I did. How could I not. I ran my fingers along its length, feeling ridges and bumps and dents, but these had the smooth feel of polished marble. Was this really a natural rock formation, I wondered, or had I stumbled somehow onto an ancient chthonic temple with a hand-crafted phallus? I wondered how many other hands had caressed this proud shaft, whether any mouths had encompassed it, whether any woman had felt its cold, hard length inside her.
These imaginings were making me very wet, but I had no intention of indulging these fantasies. I needed to leave or I would be locked in the cave all night. Suddenly I heard the tour party shuffling past on their way up to the surface. I made my way to the cave entrance and waited for the last tourists to pass, then I squeezed myself out through the narrow gap.
At least I tried to, but couldn't figure out quite how. I kept getting stuck, and almost managed to wedge myself permanently in that space before working myself somehow back into the cave. I started to panic, and despite the inevitable embarrassment (and, potentially, criminal proceedings) I shouted for help, hoping desperately that someone would hear. For an hour I sat there listening intently for some sound, but there was only the occasional drip of water echoing through the empty caverns.
And then the lights went off.
It was utterly black. I was alone, trapped in the underworld, imprisoned by my own folly. I could only try to relax and rest until someone came. It would only be a few hours, half a day at worst.
But I was cold, and hungry, and time is meaningless without external reference. What seemed like hours were only minutes. There are only so many heartbeats you can count.
And then there was that. The phallic rock. I couldn't see it, but I knew it was there. Starved of sight, and of anything else to do, I was drawn to the back of the cave, my hands slowly searching for that intriguing projection. In the uncertain darkness the walls felt more confining, and the phallus, when at last I discovered it, felt thicker and longer than I remembered.
I ran my hands along it, delighting in its strength, its magnificence. With my other hand I tried to scratch the itch between my legs, but couldn't find a comfortable position.
Standing, I removed my shoes, trousers and knickers. There was no one to see me, after all, and I was then able to use the trousers to cushion my knees as I crouched once more in front of the phallus - almost as if in prayer, if this were indeed a temple.