Terrible Company Ch 11

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Author's Note

: This story, Terrible Company, is sprawling sword-and-sorcery fantasy satire with a diverse cast of characters. Over its many chapters, those characters will have interactions (both with each other and others) that cross many of the lines that exist between Lit genres. I have come to believe that breaking the story into those different categories, as best I can, is the best way to expose the most readers to parts of the story they might dig, and that they might then be encouraged to read on.

Each chapter is written as a self-contained episode, and although there are running gags that continue through the series that enrich the experience, they shouldn't prevent one from starting anywhere in the series (including the final chapter) and enjoying it for what it is.

This chapter features:

Val, the female Orc Warrior/Fighter

Katsa, the female Human Arcanist

Mathilda, the female Dwarf Healer

Ayen, the male Half-Elf Thief

Ivy, the female Human Bard

Enjoy!//

"Well don't you all look comfy," laughed the night guard as he strolled past the holding cells. Ayen, Mathilda, and Ivy all looked up at him with blank, forlorn expressions. "Awww. Lost a bit of your fire, have you?" Katsa stared down at the ground in front of her, with her arms wrapped around her legs and her knees tucked in tight to her chin. "Word is you're gonna be losing a bit more than tha-

uurk!

"

Val's arm shot out between the bars, stretching farther than the guard thought she'd be capable of. Some of the bars had been bent, giving her room to get her elbow and bicep through where there hadn't been room before. He clawed at her wrist and thrashed at her arm to no effect. The moment he started to reach for the short sword on his belt was the moment she pulled him in and bashed his forehead into the bars.

Everyone panicked, making frantic shushing motions at Val, as the bars reverberated and hummed in the wake of the impact like giant tuning forks. Val feigned shock, as well as remorse, before hefting the limp body across the front of her own cell toward Katsa's. The Arcanist shook her head as she too reached through the bars and rifled through his pockets for the keys. Once her own door was unlocked, she snuck over and unlocked Ayen's, and then Mathilda's, and then Ivy's. Mathilda followed her back to Val's cell, and applied a glowing hand to the guard's bloody forehead.

Val stared peevishly at the Healer as she slipped her arm back through the bars, but Mathilda merely shook her head. Ayen scampered up the stairs that led to the guard's desk, and kept watch while the others searched through the store rooms for their gear. The Arcanist rifled through her pack for a moment and pulled out a tiny stoppered vial, which she promptly emptied into the guard's mouth. Val tossed the unconscious guard into the last cell and quietly locked the door. The four of them crept up behind Ayen, and he motioned for them to stay low and quiet as they crossed the empty guard station and moved up another flight of stairs.

Suddenly, a door to the side opened up behind them with a loud screech. The guard that stepped out, who'd been obliviously taking care of his necessities, got out half of a shriek as Val descended on him. She moved like lightning, striking him once across the jaw and sending him toppling right back over the commode he'd just gotten up from.

Mathilda stomped into the small room and laid a glowing hand on his face. The blood remained, but the fracture in the jaw itself healed as if the punch had never landed. Katsa tossed her a set of bindings from the desk, and the Dwarf bound his wrists around a pipe to keep him from following them. Then she stuffed a balled-up sock in his mouth to keep him quiet. Finally, she gave Val a disapproving glare as they all got back in behind Ayen.

The Thief slipped through the door at the top of the stairs, and skulked over to a table with a long skirt. From there, he watched for several minutes as a few personnel of the estate went about doing their duties. His eyes moved feverishly as he counted footsteps and mapped cadence. As he tracked echos.

He rapped twice on the door, behind which everyone else was hiding, as he darted across the room and around the corner. Katsa scampered after him first and the rest trailed behind her as they followed him into a library.

Nearly all of the lights were out in the vast room. Only a few candles and braziers were lit so late. Ayen paused for a few seconds while he listened before he leapt up the spiral staircase to the second floor. The others followed, making considerably more noise than he had, to find him pressed flat against the wall next to a cracked door. He waved Val over, and counted down from three with his fingers. As soon as he made a fist, Val opened the door, reached through, grabbed a passing guard by his throat, and dragged him into the library.

The first punch knocked the wind out of him. The second knocked the sense out of him.

Mathilda fumed, alternately staring at Val and Katsa as she pressed a glowing hand to the inert guard's chest. Katsa pretended not to notice. With another quick touch to his forehead, she stepped back. Val carried him over to the railing and held him over the edge while Katsa hooked his tunic on a sturdy bit of ornamental ironwork, leaving him suspended 15 feet in the air.

Ayen peeked out through the cracked door, listening carefully, and waved the others to stand against the wall behind him.

"...most preposterous thing I've ever heard," scoffed the first guard. "He was just hitting his stride!"

"Have you even read it?"

"What,

The Double Slit Experiment?

It's a modern classic!"

"And you think that's better than

Norrington Steele and the Horny Horde

?!"

"In, I don't know, every measurable category?" The first guard shrugged as he walked past Ayen's vantage point, focused less on his surroundings than his conversation. "Yes. Definitely"

The second guard shook his head, gesticulating wildly. "I can't deal with you right now. I mean, he'd

clearly

sold out."

"What does that even mean? He '

sold out

'?"

"It means he was writing to the lowest common denominator.

DSE

is pandering, and it's stupid. His earlier work was much grittier."

"You always say that.

'Ehhhhh, their earlier stuff was better'

," grumped the first guard in a mocking tone. "You're such a hipster sometimes."

"I can't help it if I know what's good."

After that, their conversation passed out of earshot for all but Ayen, and his attention shifted to the area the guards had come from on their route. He opened the door a little bit more, and then a little bit more, and skulked out into the hallway. Moving from shadow to shadow. He stood at the edge of the wall, watching for nearly a full minute, before he waved everyone else out into the hall and pointed them after the guards. He turned to follow them and took two steps before stopping dead in his tracks.

"..ourse he wouldn't," came a high, mellifluous voice, as the speaker entered through the front door of the estate. "It's only been 30 years. I dare say he'd look exactly the same."

Ayen turned very slowly, watching through the railing as a tall man in the Baron's livery escorted a hawkish man in hastily-thrown on clothes through the atrium. His eyes grew wide, and his jaw fell slack. "No," he hissed. "N—"

Val's hand closed over his mouth while her right arm wrapped tightly around his middle and lifted him clear off of his feet. He fought more than she expected as she hauled him down the hallway, thrashing and flailing for all he was worth. He bit down on her palm and leaped out of her arms as soon as Val reacted, rightfully, in pain, but he only made it one step before Val swatted him across the back of the head. Ayen slumped forward, unconscious even before Mathilda caught him. The group of them scampered further down the hallway and ducked into an empty parlor. As soon as they were inside, the Healer quickly dropped down to her knees and cradled him in her lap. Pulling back on the lids to check his eyes.

"We've gotta get 'im outta 'ere," she whispered. Ivy pointed to her eyes, with her index and middle fingers, and then pointed at Mathilda. "Yeah, yeah." Mathilda snapped her fingers in front of him, and watched carefully for his reaction. "Didja hafta hit'm?" Val protested by holding up her bloody palm, and the Healer sighed. " 'e's not gonna be easy to move. Am Ah..." She looked around and grumbled. "Fine. You two need to make a distraction," she said, pointing at Katsa and Val, "while you 'elp me carry 'im."

Ivy nodded dutifully.

Val stepped over beside one of the windows and pulled back on the curtain slightly. After a few moments of peering she waved Mathilda over, and pointed out where she and Katsa would go and where Mathilda and Ivy should take Ayen.

"Fine," Mathilda grumbled. She lifted one of Ayen's arms over her shoulders, and grabbed him tightly around the waist. Ivy, who was much closer to his height, grabbed his other arm, and the three of them headed for the door. "Ah assume we'll know the signal when we see i'?"

Katsa and Val both nodded emphatically. Mathilda rolled her eyes, and then she and Ivy hobbled into the hallway with Ayen in tow.

Val stepped lightly across the room and listened for the sound of their footsteps. Katsa followed behind her, but just when she expected Val to head into the hallway going in the opposite direction, Val surprised her by turning around.

"You were right," Val whispered, staring down meaningfully at the much smaller Blonde. "That day in the alley. You were wrong about why, but I stayed because of you." Katsa blinked in shock, her expression blank. "I... I wasn't looking for this. I wasn't looking to...

be

with anyone... but... I like you. I have... feelings for you." Katsa swallowed hard, and gave a fractional nod.

Suddenly, Ivy poked her head back in the door and stared intensely at Val. She pointed to her eyes, with her index and middle finger, and then pointed at the big Orc square in the middle of her chest. Then she darted back into the hall.

Val gave Katsa a weary look before they too headed into the hall, scurrying in the opposite direction.

***

Ivy proved to be completely useless at helping her carry Ayen, and by the time they'd reached the first floor Mathilda was doing all the work herself. He didn't react at all when they pushed him out through the window into a row of bushes. Ivy followed him through and crawled through the low foliage until she found a spot from which to watch for their sign.

Mathilda cursed silently at the sky as she knelt down next to Ayen.

.

"Don't leave me," he murmured softly, eyes closed.

"Oh shut i' " she snapped, as she pulled out her hip flask and tilted up the bottom. Thick brandy nearly choked him, spilling over his lips as he sputtered. Ivy held up one pale hand, and Mathilda followed the tilt of her head. On the top of the wall, two hundred meters away toward the back of the estate, the shiny helmet of one of the guards disappeared, followed quickly by another. For several seconds, there was nothing...

...and then a tiny yellow dot peeked over the edge of the wall. A tiny, spikey yellow dot. The yellow dot stood up a bit higher, and then—

BOOOOOM!!!!

An explosion erupted on the far side of the building, sending heavy shockwaves through the ground beneath them.

" 'at's our sign," Mathilda yelled, as she scooped up Ayen in both arms and carried him like a giant baby. The three of them ran headlong across the grounds, even as the grounds rumbled and quaked.

The outer stone wall of the estate was marked at even intervals with ironwork gates; purely ornamental, and without function. Had the Baron of Hayeston's castle ever needed to stand up to any kind of actual assault, it would have been fallen to nearly any invader. In fact, earlier that year, a group of bards had stormed the front gate in a frenzy. The guards, who'd surrendered quickly, were rounded up and forced to watch a guerrilla performance of their captors' 5 act tragedy

'Man Selling Ice Cream

'. They gave the play a standing ovation, while the Baron and Baroness were somewhat-less enthused.

Although the sacking of Castle Hayeston had been more symbolic than anything else, the Baron had still learned nothing from the entire ordeal.

The portcullis that barred their path was of such shoddy craftsmanship that Mathilda felt it giving under a stiff push with just one hand. She shook her head and set Ayen down next to Ivy, and then charged the gate. At the last moment, she leapt into the air and tucked her legs tight into her chest. The bars crashed down under the force of the small Dwarven wrecking ball, and Mathilda rolled for almost three meters before she was able to stop herself.

***

"NOOOOOOOO!" shrieked the Brunette, as the men in robes wrenched her arms and legs into the shackles. Her naked form on display. "

NOOOOOOOO!!

"

"Sweet child." A tall, hooded figure stooped before her, and crooked a finger under her chin. She twisted and turned, but there was only so far she could go in her restraints. "You cannot grasp the glory of the task in which you are about to take part. I envy you."

"W-wha—"

"I envy you," he said, cutting her off, "because when that moment of clarity arrives, it will hit you more powerfully than any of us."

"But—"

"You will be silent," he menaced, leaning closer, "or you will be

made

to be silent." The Brunette sobbed, twisting as her arms and legs strained against her bonds. "That's better." She shook nervously as shadows moved, just past the edge of visibility, in the dimly lit corner of the large, empty building.

He turned, talking in a louder voice as he walked. "In his name."

"In his name," repeated a half dozen male voices around the room. The Brunette sobbed.

"In his name, we purify her flesh. In his name, we shall fill this vessel. In his name, we sow the seed."

"In his name," the robed men repeated, slightly louder.

"In his name, we shall reap the harvest."

"In his name!" the robed men answered.

"Brother." The tall man gestured, pointing across the room, and one of the shorter men stepped forward. The hoods kept everything behind the tip of the nose in shadow, and the Brunette wept as he pulled back at the waist of his robes. His thick, erect cock, standing proud before him. "In his name."

"In his name," the second man said, less than a full second before a dagger came whirling from the shadows to take him through the neck. The Brunette screamed again, thrashing at her bonds, and nearly tipped over the heavy apparatus she was chained to when another of the robed men was hit by a fiery explosion and knocked fifteen meters through the air, leaving a trail of smoke behind him.

"No!" shouted the tall man, as he took a step back.

The next closest robed man turned, realizing what was happening around him too late, just as Val's axe came to rest in his forehead.

"

Snapdragon!

" the tall man screamed, at the top of his lungs. "

Snapdragon!

"

As one, all of the remaining robed men pushed back on their hoods, revealing terrified expressions and in several cases, tear-filled eyes. Val and Katsa stepped forward warily, weapons in hand and spells ready to go.

"Val!" cried the tall man, who was the last to pull back his hood. "It's me! Reg!"

Val's face turned with effort as she tried to drum up the memory of the thin man in front of her.

"And Larry!"

"Hello," Larry said timidly, stepping into the light with his robes pushed back enough to reveal his fur-covered chest.

"Remember? With the Ogres?"

Katsa hissed with fear as Val lowered her weapons slowly and relaxed her stance.

"Remember? The... um..."

"Blood Mountain!" Val and Reg both shouted simultaneously. Val's stance relaxed even further, while still remaining very much at the ready.

"This isn't what it looks like," Reg said, holding up his empty hands.

"Oh, that's good," Val said irritably, "because it looks like you were just about to ritualistically rape this woman."

"No, I'm good," the Brunette piped in.

Val and Katsa both stared, wide eyed.

"It's professional rape," Reg said, talking quickly and taking a step forward. "It's all above board."

"Yeah, I signed up for this," the Brunette added. "There was a waiting list." Her smile seemed genuine despite the streaked mascara.

"We got the idea from your friend," Larry eagerly explained.

"The zoning alone, to get this place up and running, was a nightmare. You would not believe."

"Had to grease a few palms," Larry said.

"We'd have gotten off easy if it was only the

palms

," Reg sighed, shaking his head. Larry shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot.

"This is legit?" Val asked.

"100%. I've got paperwork, waivers, you name it."

"Oh." Val half-turned toward the twitching body at her feet and opened her mouth, but Reg jumped in first.

"Trust me, you did me a favor there. Zeke was always hogging the asshole. We have strict rules about taking turns and sharing, and he'd been written up numerous times."

"And that smoke heap in the corner," Larry said with disdain, "was always stealing other people's lunches, or-or-or he'd never have any money when we'd order in."

"

Awwww, it's in my other trousers,

" three different acolytes aped, in nasal, mocking tones.

"What about that one there?" Val asked, pointing to the one in the middle of the room with the knife in his throat.

Reg looked down and paused. His lips moved silently while he pointed to himself, and then Larry, and then each of the remaining robed men, and then each of the bodies. "You know what? Don't even worry about this one."

Val blinked. "So..."

"We're good. We're good here, I promise."

"Oh!" the Brunette shrieked. "Can you leave the body there? It'll kind of ramp up the realism as long as he doesn't start to stink."

"You are a saucy little thing, aren't you? Don't worry; that takes several hours for that to set in," Reg assured her. Val and Katsa slowly backed into the shadows as the various men re-hooded themselves. "Places everyone. Places."

The Warrior and the Arcanist slipped out through the door they'd come in, just as eerily-similar shrieks pierced the air. Shrieks just like the ones that had drawn them off course in the first place.

"If I didn't know better," Val smirked, "I'd have said I was smelling

two

very turned on women in there."

Katsa stared daggers at her taller companion, but her expression softened as she looked both ways down the street around them and nodded. Val moved faster than she would have believed, grabbing her by the throat and driving her into the stone wall at her back. Sharp teeth gleamed in the moonlight, like ivory daggers, just beyond her lashes.

"Was it the way she had no choice?"

Katsa bit her lip, turning redder by the second.

"Was it how easily overpowered she was?"

Katsa looked down and away, averting her eyes.

"Did you hesitate, when we first walked in, because you

almost

wanted to watch her get raped more than you wanted to save her? Just to see what all the fuss is about?"

Val lifted her, carrying her into the nearby alley where the shadows were even thicker. Katsa kept one hand tightly gripped around Val's wrist, trying to ease the strain on her neck, while her other hand worked frantically at her belt. Her feet, dangling well above the cobblestones.