This is my entry into the Summer Lovin Contest. Please vote and comment as you see fit. Thank you.
I inherited an old hunting cabin from my grandfather. I had been there a few times growing up when he would invite my dad and uncle to go hunting with him. I would hang out in the cabin and play in the woods, going off on my own adventures. I always brought a book with me, seeking out ideal reading places as I did. It was on the last day of my first visit to the cabin that I found a huge oak tree in the middle of a small clearing nestled inside of a valley. A surfaced root was the perfect place to sit and lean against the tree. I was too comfortable and I got lost in the world of the fantasy book I was reading. After hours of reading I finally noticed that the sun was setting and bolted up out of my seat.
I thought I knew the paths well by that point, but in the darkness I was wrong. I got turned around several times and made it back to the cabin just as my family were about to go looking for me. They were mad that I was out so late, but lucky for me they had managed to bag a huge buck so they were in the middle of celebrating and went easy on me.
I would look forward to every fall and summer to going back to that cabin. I wasn't the most active of children, preferring video games, tv, and books to playing sports, but when I went to that cabin I found myself spending most of my time outdoors. I would play games of pretend in the woods, reenacting the latest movie or game that I was playing. Sometimes I thought I saw movement in the trees, especially when I was near the oak tree clearing. Sometimes in the nearby streams and river that ran at a distance but parallel to the cabin and oak tree, I thought that I saw the faces of young girls. I chalked it up to my imagination, because whenever I would turn to look at the face in the trees or water, it would always disappear.
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My Father passed away when I was thirteen. He was sick for awhile, but I had been in denial thinking that he would get better if I just believed in it hard enough. Life seemed to pass by in a blur as I shut down. Hunting season came around and my grandfather and uncle invited me to go hunting with them again. I said yes, but wasn't looking forward to it as much as I had the years before. My dad had just taught me how to hunt the year before, and I had been looking forward to helping him next year.
I was quiet the whole drive up, the book in my lap forgotten as I stared out the window, barely even noticing as the city gave way to desert, and the desert gave way to forest. Me made it there a little later than usual, so we had time to get the truck unloaded and the cabin set up, but there was only a few hours left of sunlight. I said I would be back and walked into the woods. I wandered the paths aimlessly, but wasn't surprised when I found myself entering the clearing of the oak tree. I took my usual seat, and opened up my book that I still hadn't started. I read the dedication page and paused, the author had dedicated the book to their father. I wasn't aware that I was crying until the first fat tear dropped down onto the page, leaving a wet circle down onto the page. A couple more tears fell down onto the page in pursuit. Over the last couple of months I had been holding in my tears, trying to not give in to the grief. I I felt that If I let myself cry at losing him, then that would be admitting that he was really gone. I was having vivid dreams almost every night that my father was still alive, and when I would wake up I would think it was true, until reality would set back in and I would remember that he was gone.
At first I tried to stifle my tears and I cried silently, but I had been holding back for too long. I let out a half stifled sob, holding back one last time. No one was around, I could finally let go. I cried until my throat hurt and my body felt like it was dried out. I leaned back against the tree as I let out the last of my sobs. Bright green leafs started to fall down around me, most landing next to and on me. One landed right on top of my head. I looked up and saw the oak tree shaking in the breeze. I noticed that only the branches above me seemed to be shedding their leaves. I knew that this was unnatural and I worried that something might be wrong with the tree and it might be sick. I know it was silly, but I couldn't stand the thought of losing the tree too. I hadn't slept well the night before, and leaned back against the tree. The tree was a little smoother now in that spot that formed a perfect hollow to allow me to be able to nestle against it.
That after crying exhaustion started to over take me, the tree seemed to hold me, so I closed my eyes and let sleep overtake me. I woke up feeling rested, there was a blanket of leaves on top of me. I wished that I could stay there all night, but I wasn't about to stay late and have my uncle and grandpa come looking for me. I still missed my father, but finally letting myself feel that he was really gone was the first step in helping me accept losing him.
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