It was a coincidental occasion that I found myself alone one night last week and sitting out on my back porch enjoying the evening air while sipping my favorite drink, 21-year-old Glenlevit single malt scotch. Ah, life is good when you are getting relaxed with a buzz while listening to the Red Sox beat the Minnesota Twins on the radio.
My girlfriend was at the mall testing the limit of her credit card in the new shoe store there. I convinced her to wear a very short skirt that flashed her white panties every time she sat and/or crossed and uncrossed her shapely legs while being helped to try on shoes and a loose top that showed her curvaceous B cup tits each time she leaned forward to adjust her shoes. Then, when she came home, I told her that I would reimburse her shoe purchase if she told me what happened when she continually flashed the shoe salesman her panty clad pussy and her set of knockers.
A full moon gave eeriness to an otherwise pleasant evening. It was one of those big, bright yellow moons. It looked like a Harvest moon. That is, at least, I thought it was a full moon until it started moving at a high rate of speed across the blackness of the night sky. As I watched this strangely historical occurrence, I had a difficult time wrapping my mind around the full moon flying sideways through the sky at a speed of a shooting star or a comet. Everything went through my mind just as fast as the moon flew past my line of vision.
What if there is something wrong with gravity? What if the moon crashes and explodes? What if we no longer have a moon? How will not having a moon affect life on Earth? No more tides? Weather? Seasons? No more songs about the moon? Where would the man in the moon live? Romance in a parked car by the light of a full moon will vanish. Werewolves will have to live their lives as normal men? Is Halloween suddenly a holiday no longer celebrated? Witches will have nothing as a backdrop as they fly by on their broomsticks. Mood changes can no longer be attributed to and blamed on a full moon and moody people will now have to take full responsibility for their own insanity. Further, I even suspected without a moon, life on Earth may be in peril.
"God help us!"
Then, when I turned my head to look the other way, there high up in the sky was the moon, the real moon, a full, yellow, harvest moon.
"WTF! Two moons?"
There was only one explanation. It had to be a flying saucer and I am witness to an unidentified flying object, a UFO. Certainly, this is proof that there is life elsewhere in the vast universe. I wonder what they look like. I wonder if they are friendly. I wonder what their women look like. I wonder if they are friendly, if you know what I mean. You know what I mean. It is one thing to nail a Black woman or an Asian woman when you are a Caucasian man, but an Alien woman, wow! Now, that's, well...out of this world.
"Yeah, so I met this space girl, an Alien female being, from the other side of Venus," I said imagining having a conversation with my friend. "She's is not much to look at being green and all but she has a rack of six tits and she can't get enough of my cock."
"Six tits? She sounds like my kind of woman, Freddie."
"Yeah, so she told me that her kind no longer have physical sex. Whenever they get horny, they just imagine copulating with someone from the opposite sex or the same sex and it is like having real sex."
"No kidding. It's kind of like the Woody Allen movie, Everything You Wanted To Know About Sex."
"Woody Allen? Yeah, kind of, but not really. Anyway, if they want to get pregnant and have a baby, they go to the store like a CVS or something and buy a sperm shot that list the type of baby that they will have."
"So," asked my friend, "how is she different from having sex with a human?"
"Well, when I am done using her to satisfy my every sexual need, I tell her to imagine herself getting off and she does. It is excitingly weird to watch her wiggling her green alien ass all over the bed having orgasm after orgasm, as I get dressed."
"Now, that's my kind of perfect woman," said my friend, "she does you and then does herself."
Then, I figured it was something the military was testing. There's an Air Force base not very far from my house and who knows what they are working with there. They have a bunch of hot shot pilots who routinely buzz my house and/or fly beneath the bridge. Boy if they were ever caught doing that, they'd be booted out of the military. Yeah, it's probably an experimental Air Force aircraft that they test at night hoping no one will see it.
I decided against having another scotch and rubbed my eyes figuring that I was hallucinating or that I was drunk. I mean, I've never seen a flying saucer before and, after watching it for a while growing bigger and bigger and glowing brighter and brighter and spinning faster and faster and looming closer and closer, this thing looked like it was coming straight at me. I was too fascinated with its approach to bolt. Where would I go anyway? I figured, if it hit my house, I was a goner. It looked like a Frisbee only much bigger and thicker and spinning faster with a quiet whizzing sound not unlike a garbage disposal makes when you run it without water. Sure enough, this yellow glowing disc was coming nearer and nearer until it perfectly landed in a cloud of dusty dirt in my backyard.
I was frozen in place. I didn't know what to do. I was scared shitless. I didn't even have time to run in the house and get my camera. There it was parked in my backyard smoking and glowing. The sleek design of it did nothing for the character of my house, a 1915 Tudor. It was all so surreal.
I watched as the lights outside of the spacecraft illuminated everything within a hundred yards like it was daylight. Suddenly, the door to the flying saucer opened with a whoosh and a ramp eased itself out from underneath. I felt like I was watching Star Trek, only I did not have Spock beside me to help me to communicate with the aliens. A couple of guys emerged, one wearing a Red Sox t-shirt and the other wearing a shirt of the universe that read, you are here with an arrow pointing down his belly to his pecker.
"How you guys doin?" I waved and stood wondering if I had time to make a mad dash for the shotgun before they vaporized me with a laser. "Peace," I said giving them the universal, I hoped, peace sign.
"Good," said the one in the Sox shirt. He looked around my backyard. "Yeah, we're doing alright." He got down on the ground and kissed it. "I mean, anytime you land one of these saucers is a crapshoot. Aerodynamically, they are not very stable." He turned and looked back at the saucer. "They should have stayed with the wing instead of the disc, if you ask me but hey, what do I know, I just fly the craft. Don't ask the pilot for his suggestion."
"Yeah, Victoria's Secrets to you, too, buddy," said the other making the V sign with his fingers. He looked at his friend. "Knock it off. You're going to give this guy the wrong impression of us." He looked at me. "He's just having a bit of fun with you." They both laughed.
"Great night for a flight," I said looking up at the cloudless sky still wondering if I had time to make it to the shotgun. I'd never load the thing in time. Besides, I don't remember where I put the shells, that is, if I even have any left after scaring off those crows.
"Yeah, there are plenty of stars out to help guide our way," said the other guy wearing the shirt of the universe.
"Are you guys with the Air Force?"
"Air Force? United States Air force?"
"Yeah."
"Nah," he looked to the guy wearing the Sox shirt, "we're aliens."
"Aliens? You don't look like aliens. You like regular guys."
"It is your descriptive perception of us that is myopically mirrored back as to how we should look. If you thought of us as looking like little, green men, they we would appear as little, green men."
"I see. Interesting. So, you guys lost?"
"Nope," said the first guy, "we are here to see you."
"You are?" I rubbed my chin. "Why me?"
"We know who you are," said the other guy, "We've been reading all of your stories on Literotica."
"No, shit," I said pouring myself a scotch. "You get Literotica in deep space?"
"Your stories are out of this world?"
"Literally or figuratively?"
"Both."
"Really? No kiddin'. Well, thank you, thank you very much. It's gratifying to know that I am read and enjoyed in other languages."
"You are a big hit on Pluto and Neptune," said the guy wearing the Sox t-shirt.
"Pluto? Neptune? No kidding. I'm just glad there is no planet Goofy. I'm sure I'd be a smash there," I said with a laugh.
"Ha! Ha! Ha! Goofy, that's funny Freddie," said the guy in the Sox shirt. He nudged the other guy. "See, I told you he was a funny bastard."
"Yeah, that was funny making the leap from Pluto to Goofy as a planet. I get it."
They both continued laughing. Actually, I didn't think it was that funny but they did.
"So, judging by you two standing here before me, there's other life in this galaxy?"
The looked at one another and laughed again.
"Life? Well, yeah, in a manner of speaking," said the guy wearing the Universe t-shirt. "Still, whatever form of life source that they are and, of course, we are, they and we all love reading your work."
