Karen said she'd leave me if I went on tour with my band and by the looks of the house when I got back, I guess she meant it. It looked like she threw a real tantrum on her way out the door. Every dish and glass in the place was shattered on the kitchen floor. Even the dozen roses I sent from our first stop were thrashed and mixed into the shattered remains of the crockery.
My cat, Sonya, was there to welcome me home by rubbing herself against my leg while letting out a resounding purr. She's just an alley cat that decided to move in with us some time ago. Karen never did like her, seemed jealous or something, but at least the cat is tried and true. Sonja was striped in a weird pattern like a high quality marijuana seed and had the softest bunny fur. She just loved to crawl up on my shoulders and rub her face against mine while giving out her deep-throated purr.
I didn't get pissed at Karen's departure until I noticed my stash box and its contents mashed into the pile of debris on the kitchen floor. Luckily, I had a vial of organic mescaline and a bag of green bud hidden in the bathroom to get me by. That was gone in short order and I had to start thinking about picking through the mess in the kitchen to see what I could salvage. As I knelt down and started to pick through the shards of broken glass and crockery and the splintered remains of my stash box, Sonja was right there telling me everything would be all right.
The mess on the floor wouldn't have been so hard to pick through if Karen hadn't stomped over it in her Doc Martin's and ground everything together. I cut my finger trying to pick out the big pieces of glass and wood and crockery. I finally ended up with a pile consisting of crushed and powdered primo marijuana, `shrooms, mescaline and a few rocks of cocaine a buddy brought back from Bolivia, along with the smaller pieces of broken glass and the powered remains of the dried roses. I scraped it all into a pie pan and sifted through it to get out the glass and stuff. No matter how hard I tried there was still a substantial amount of glass in the mix, so I figured what the hell, I'd just smoke it all together in my little pipe. That way the glass and shit won't hurt.
Sonya jumped up on the table and sniffed around as I packed the unfortunate mixture in the pipe and fired it up. It went down rough and tasted like fuck with an undertone of roses. As I fought to hold the smoke in without coughing, Sonja nuzzled up to me for a scratch behind the ears. I got her to purring with well placed scratches and pets, then as an after thought, I held her head in both hands and exhaled the smoke slowly in her face. She sniffed and sputtered and took a bunch in before backing away and knocking over the pepper shaker.
I put flame to bowl for another hit and was surprised when Sonja came back over and put her face inches from my nose for another taste. After I obliged her she sat down and started grooming her self. I leaned back in the chair as the euphoric buzz started to settle in. Sonja walked to the edge of the table, looked down and I'll swear and be damned she said, "Oh wow!" just as clear as day!
I was about to pass it off as an active imagination or the effects of the combination of drugs when she came over to me and said, "That was good, let's do another bowl," in her squeaky voice.
"You can talk!"
"Whoa, I can, huh?"
"How do you do that?" I asked, a trace of panic seeping in.
"Pack us another pipeful and I'll tell you."
I packed the bowl with shaking hands as I wondered about my sanity. Sonja leapt from the tabletop to the counter and pushed the lever to turn on the water in the sink and drink. As she lapped at the stream of water, she seemed to get bigger and her fur got shorter and thinner. She stopped when she got to about twice her normal size then bounded back to the kitchen tabletop. I sat there dumbfounded with my mouth hanging open until she picked up the book of matches and handed them to me. I noticed her front paws had expanded to resemble hands. I lit the pipe and took a deep pull on it. She put her face up to my mouth and as I exhaled, she took it all in. She let the remainder of the smoke out slowly through pursed lips then stood up on her hind legs and slowly stretched. She was the shape and size of a human toddler by this time.
She climbed back up on the counter and filled a glass with water and drank it down several times, growing a little more each time. "You see," she said, her voice a little deeper, "we are a race of polymorphs. Before we are sent to this world we are shrunk to a minimum configuration and are given a stasis drug so we can no longer morph. It seems that what you are smoking is an antidote.