So I'm Not a Vampire?

Hey Everyone,

So this is the completely edited version of

So, I'm Not a Vampire?

Thank you searchingforperfection for helping me edit the entire

So I'm Not a Vampire?

novellette. Thank you to my beta tester, Fanfare, for reading the entire Peaches series. Without you, I wouldn't have been able to work out those rough edges in the story. Thanks :)

-Rosi

***

Chapter Eleven: I'm a Bad Mama-Jama

I woke up the same way I'd woken up two days ago, naked in bed with an equally naked man. Except this time I didn't freak out. Nope, I slid my leg over his hip, felt his morning wood, smiled, and straddled him. By the time Bane started to wake up, I was riding him like a cowgirl at a rodeo and enjoying the hell out of it.

Brown eyes, tinted slightly by red, met mine. He looked down at my bouncing breasts and smiled before folding his hands behind his head. "'Morning."

I tilted my hips and took him deeper. "Good—"

Bane flicked my clit hard with his vamp strength, and I pitched forward with a cry and came. My eyes rolled back in my head, and my muscles squeezed tight around his dick. I wasn't sure how I didn't rip the thing in half. I panted, and my fingers clenched and unclenched on his chest as I finally came down. I raised my brow and looked at Bane under me. "Morning."

He smiled like the Devil with a new soul, flipped me over and thrust into me. Just like the night before, Bane didn't stop until I screamed and came so hard, black encroached on the edges of my vision. The man might actually fuck me to death one day. But what a way to go.

"Sleep well?" Bane asked, still hard inside of me.

I squeezed him and smiled smugly. "Didn't get much sleep."

He leaned down and nipped my bottom lip before kissing me breathless. "Don't think it's going to be different for a few dozen nights."

A few dozen? "You really do plan to fuck me to death, don't you?"

He brushed back a strand of my hair, the move deceptively gentle. Even his tone was soft. "I'll certainly try."

I was puffy, sticky, and sore. It was great.

Bane pulled out of me and dragged on some clothes. He didn't turn away from me as he dressed and tried to fit his trouser snake back in the leather pants from the night before. It didn't fit.

"Where are you going?" I asked as Bane went into his closet and found something else to wear.

"Le Pain Quotidien," he called out, and I heard him grunt uncomfortably. "You're hungry, aren't you?"

I was starving, ravenous. "So, um ... that just happened." Sex with Bane. Marriage to Bane. Melding minds with Bane. Yup, that just happened.

He strode out and I rolled on my stomach and propped my chin on my folded arms. He looked at me like he wanted to strip, climb on top of me, lift my ass, and continue. I watched more red bleed into the brown and his fists clench and unclench.

"We both need to eat." It sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than me.

Just to torture him a little, I rolled up on my knees and ran my hands over my body, keeping his gaze the entire time. I pulled my nipples and bit my lower lip on a moan. Then I reached between my legs, ran my fingers over my already wet folds and—

Bane was in front of me, his hands between my legs, inside of me. His other arm was banded around my back, tilting me so he could look into my eyes as he finger fucked me. "Only

I

"—his voice was a low rumble—"get to make you come."

And he did. I spasmed, bit down on his shoulder, and shuddered as I came. But then he was gone, even though my orgasm was still going. I crashed to the bed, panting heavily as little aftershocks rocked my body. "Seriously ... the death ... of me."

About a half hour later, I was showered and dressed and lounging on the couch in the living room when I heard the door open. I jumped up and rushed to the door, starving. I knew I could eat a horse, probably even go so far as to suck the marrow out of the thing's bones.

"Please tell me you got ... ."

My voice trailed off as I caught a glimpse of beautiful green eyes and long flowing blonde hair. I smelled chloroform, or some sort of knock-out chemical, before blackness closed around me.

I shouldn't have been surprised. No, I mean, honestly. I've seen enough TV shows to rot my brain three times over, so I really shouldn't have been surprised to see that there was a villain near me. A blonde bimbo vampire, who'd kidnapped me and was holding me in a place that smelled like bad fish and sea water. It was so cliché, I should have known.

"Seems you're up," a southern voice purred before pain exploded across my cheek.

Bitch slapped me. Bitch backhand pimp slapped me.

"Speak and I'll break your fingers."

I bit my lip until I tasted blood. I knew I should have expected that slap, too. There was just no way that the evil villain didn't hit the damsel in distress. But it was hard to associate my life with a movie, because that sucker really hurt!

It was only then that I realized I was blindfolded and tied to a chair. I hadn't opened my eyes, because, I don't know, I'm an idiot. But I did now, and all I saw was darkness. Blindfold, check. There was something hard and metallic beneath my butt, and the cold was soaking through my jeans and tank top. Creaky chair, check.

I wondered what the point was of blindfolding me and tying me to a chair was. She was a freaking

vampire

. Couldn't she just use mind control or something? Tell me to sit, be quiet, and don't look at her? That seemed better than blindfolding me, tying me down, and telling me to shut up.

"It doesn't work," bimbo ground out. "And my name is Ariel."

Seriously? What was with vampires and the weird names? Why not Pam, or Susan, or Jamie? No, it was Bane, Ariel, and Casper.

Ariel snorted. "Because Peaches is so much better."

Touché, evil villain. Touché. "What do you mean 'it doesn't work'? What doesn't work?"

I still had by blindfold on, but I could hear her pacing, the staccato of her heels on the cement. "Mind control. It doesn't work on you. And while I can read your mind, it's a jumble of chaotic thoughts."

That's ADD for you. Never thought that my short attention span would actually help me someday.

"What are you, Peaches?" Ariel asked softly, butter layered into her voice.

I shrugged as much as I could. She was gonna kill me anyway; why give her anything? I wasn't afraid of dying again. Well, that was a lie. But I'd had fun for my extra ... what? Four days? That was better than nothing, and a

hellava

lot better than what the people in those tiny freezers next to me got. I'd had a fun, wild adventure. I'd met a cat who was a vampire—though I hadn't seen him turn from one to the other; shopped my fat, white ass off; got to go to a vamp party; been married; been carried over the threshold; and had wild, animalistic sex with my husband. All in all, my second chance at life had been awesome. No complaints here.

"I'm not going to kill you. I'm going to sell you."

And I was still surprised. I needed to work on that. "Why?"

"Because you're rare, and I have a buyer who likes rare things and is willing to do something for me."

Now this was the part where she told me who her buyer was, what time she was meeting him, and everything else that would ultimately spell her demise. Bane would come crashing through that door screaming my name, and I'd be saved.

Another slap across my face. This one hurt like she had slapped me with a fire sword. Then cool words: "This isn't a movie or a book."

My head was ringing, my eyes were tearing up, and I didn't want to do anything other than curl up and forget Ariel. I heard her laugh as I hung my head and fought back a darkness threatening to engulf me again.

"

Peaches?

" It was a light voice, far away but male.

I answered it automatically. "

Bane?

"

"

No, it's Casper.

" He paused. "

How are you in my head? How did you call out for me?

"

I called out for him? I don't remember doing that. I remember thinking about Bane—

"

Peaches!

" Bane's voice exploded across my mind and gave me an instant headache.

What was that old line? Think of the Devil and he shall appear. "

Not so loud, Bane. Gosh.

"

"

Are you talking to Bane?

" It was Casper. "

What's going on?

"

I found it then. It was like two threads in my mind. I knew what it was instantly. I had mind call-waiting. Bane was on one of the lines, and Casper was the other. Wicked cool.

"Habibi

.

" It was Bane. "

Where are—

"

I was slapped so hard across the face this time that my chair toppled over. My blindfold and ties were yanked off and I was suddenly suffocating three feet in the air, my toes desperately trying to find the floor. Ariel had her hand wrapped around my throat, and was shaking me as she choked the living life—death?—out of me.

"Why couldn't I hear your thoughts?" she raged, and shook me like a rag doll. "I couldn't hear your mind just now. Why?"

What had been the point of blindfolding me and tying me up if she was just going to remove them anyway? Villains confused me.

"Oh God." I didn't say that because I was being strangled, though I probably should have; I said it because I was about to throw up. I could feel something moving up my throat. I was about to be sick, and when they found my body I'd smell like vomit. I hoped Ariel burned me, because I'd rather be burned than let Bane see me dead with chunks in my hair.

And I did throw up, there was no doubt about that, but it wasn't vomit. I opened my mouth and watched a gooey, clear liquid spray out of my throat and hit Ariel square in the face. She screamed, dropped me, and moved back with lightning speed. I gasped, hand at my throat as air rushed back into my lungs. I turned and looked at Ariel, prepared for the last ever slap of my life, but her face was melting. I mean, like,

Wizard of Oz

melting. She was screaming, clawing at her face like a wild animal as small bubbles ate away her skin and muscle until I saw those striking cheek bones.

Ohmygod. Ohmygod. Ohmygod.

I had just spit up acid right in the bitch's face. What the serious fuck? And on a side note: awesome!

Right before my eyes her skin started to heal, blood rushing down her face as the acid devoured her and her vampire powers tried to save her. It was both cool and completely terrifying.

"

Peaches?

" Casper and Bane both screamed at me. Apparently I'd connected their mind calls or whatever. "

Where are you?

"

I looked around as Ariel continued to heal, knowing I didn't have much time. Molded cement was beneath me, and I seemed to be in a basement. Really? Did she just watch bad guys on TV and copy them?

"Focus!" I berated myself as I looked around for anything that could help.

"

Okay. I'm near water, maybe at a dock or wharf or something,

" I said to the men yelling in my mind. "

I hear people. I think I'm in a basement. I can hear children. I think someone just said something about a harbor.

"

"

I know where you are,

" both men said simultaneously.

I rolled my eyes heavenward and sent up a small prayer. But not quick enough, because Ariel was back and her fangs were in my throat. I focused on her, trying to think of a way to push into her mind, and suddenly I could hear her.

Bitch. Kill you. Acid. What is she? No! What's happening?

She wrenched back sputtering. I was dizzy and hungry. Man, was I hungry. If I got out of this, I would eat two horses, a cow, and a big ass chocolate cake.

"What ... did you ... do to me?" The words gurgled up from Ariel's throat. I watched her jam her fist into her mouth to try to get whatever was down there out. Well, whatever I'd done didn't look to be doing her any good.

Black was encroaching on my vision. I was seeing cartoon stars. I heard a door burst open, people scream, Ariel retch and gurgle. My eyes were heavy like all my weight was suddenly on my lids. I was falling, too. Ah fuck, I was dying. Bane and Casper were so close, or at least knew where I was, and I was dying. Well, this totally blew.

Still, it had been cool when I'd spit acid at the blonde bimbo. Mystery girl Peaches can read vampires' minds and spit acid. That was awesome. I wish I could have found out what other powers I had, sort of like ... Cat ... and, uh, what's her face.

I was fading fast, but I could have sworn I smelled exotic oil, something from the Middle East, maybe Egypt. I didn't care. I just hoped they had a buffet in the afterlife.