Being one of Santa's elves has its rewards. The work is not hard and there's plenty of travel and occasionally there's a bit of magic. Technically speaking, we're not allowed to do magic anymore. There was a time when Santa wore a red suit and drove a sleigh pulled by flying reindeer but let's be serious...those times are gone forever. Countries protect their boarders with powerful antiaircraft batteries, and Rudolph doesn't fly well with a heat seeking missile up his ass.
Now we travel by airplane and we wear three piece business suits and we deal with stuffy corporations and even stuffier board members. We carry briefcases and cell phones and business cards giving our occupation as toy manufacturers, and we have more in common with company lawyers than pixie dust.
I had finished my last appointment at lunch time three days before Christmas but an unexpected snow storm closed down the airport. I checked into a nearby hotel but the snow got worse and I ended up in the hotel bar on Christmas Eve. There were worse places to be stranded on Christmas Eve, and I've been in most of them. At least it was warm and clean and there was plenty to eat and drink. I could have wished for better company. There was this particular blonde elf I had been planning to spend Christmas Eve with. Yes, elves have needs. We're actually pretty normal except for the magic thing and a few of us are still born with the pointy ears. I personally find pointy ears attractive on some people.
I was sitting at the bar, sipping a rum and coke and wondering if another rum and coke would make me feel better about being alone. I had just about decided it would when the door opened and the couple came in. I was aware that there was a male but he was only on the periphery of my vision. The girl took my entire attention.
It wasn't that she was beautiful. She had a girl next door face, a Madonna face with short curly brown hair, wide innocent blue eyes and a quick, gentle smile. Her body was not as spectacular as my elf girl friend but she had high, firm breasts that filled a green sweater nicely and a round bouncy little bottom that definitely would have attracted a heat seeking missile in those black stretch pants.
I never would have noticed the man if he hadn't been so loud and obnoxious. His rude voice ordering drinks made me look at him. He had a bad aura. Yes, we elves can still see auras on some people and his was a blinding red mixed with black and some ugly colours I didn't even recognize. I would have known him even without his ugly aura because his name was in a special book Santa keeps. I know what you're thinking. There is no naughty and nice list, but there is a definitely a book for special people. Actually, it's a computer file with a section kept for people who just ruin Christmas for everybody.
I couldn't remember his name but I remembered seeing his picture. I remembered he was a well known lawyer who had been involved with several lawsuits against some of Santa's corporations. I also remembered the year before he had been involved with a nasty lawsuit about some wheels that had come off a toy wagon. The company who manufactured the toy wasn't at fault but, to avoid publicity, they had settled out of court for an enormous sum. The company had stopped manufacturing the wagon which had been a perennial favourite for kids since the turn of the century.
Out of the corner of my eye I watched the couple for a while. They were not suited. I noticed he kept trying to put his hands on her and she kept shrugging him off. His voice got louder and more irritating. Finally, he slipped a hand underneath her bottom and she poured her drink in his lap. He jumped up in a rage and called her a little teasing bitch and she would find her own way home.
I wasn't that unhappy to see him go.
I took my drink and I moved over to sit beside her. Her cheeks were wet with tears. I gave her my nicest smile and she looked at me like I was a serial killer.
"You can go away," she said.
"It's Christmas Eve," I said. "I'm alone. You're alone. We could be alone together."
