Sleighless
Nick followed a halogen-lit passageway to the converted warehouse that housed Project Sleighless — the top secret state-of-the-art teleportation project that would be going live this Christmas Eve. He pushed open a set of double doors with both arms and entered the vast domed interior. The sterile chamber was dimly lit: the walls were metallic with chilly climate-controlled air flowing through the room.
He stepped to the target on the center of the floor. Above it hung an ominous gun-like fixture as wide as an artillery cannon on a battleship. It pointed directly at him, a ring of light around its lip glowed a faint sky blue. Already warming up it hummed, echoing through the chamber and enveloping his body in a pleasurable vibration that resonated in every follicle of his body.
A trebled voice shot through his earpiece. "Are you ready to go?"
"As ready as I'll ever be." He winked toward the control room window.
Two elves seated in red leather chairs operated the controls: Tinsel, who fidgeted nervously as she sipped her third cup of coffee poured from a giant thermos, and Byron — the mastermind of Project Sleighless — who was twisting dials and performing last-minute tests on all vital systems. It would be a long night.
"Well, you're in for a smooth ride. Everything is looking great from up here," Byron said confidently. "Get ready to make history. Estimated launch time in three minutes. Do you have everything? Your magic sack?"
Santa lifted the bag high. "Got it!"
"Got some snacks for the ride?" Tinsel chimed in.
"I packed light. Cookies will be waiting for me."
"Your jumpsuit looks amazing, by the way."
"Thanks, cute stuff."
She forced a giggle and whispered to Byron. "This better work."
"I know. As long as he doesn't turn into a ham sandwich on re-entry I'll be happy."
Santa scowled. "I can hear you bastards."
Byron laughed nervously. "Th-this will go off without a hitch, sir. Hold tight, I'm doing a final energy check." Byron muted the control mic. Tinsel punched Byron hard in the shoulder.
Tinsel finished the briefing. "Remember to keep your earpiece in your ear. Without it, we can't teleport you. You have some spares in your sack."
Nick waited. He did his best to clear his mind, focusing on the vibration that surrounded him, becoming one with it. Months of tests had gone well without a hitch. The day before, the elves from the health and safety department had rated the system as "safer than a transatlantic flight." All was well.
Engage
Byron's voice finally interrupted his concentration through his earpiece. "We're ready to go. Are you?"
"Yes. I'm ready."
"Excellent. Commencing Project Sleighless. Launching in 60 seconds. First drop will be the Thompson family house in Auckland, New Zealand. You will re-appear on a box gable roof. There is a brick chimney with standard access."
"Got it. Let's go." Byron turned off the bypass switch. Immediately the chamber was washed in an eerie blue light; the vibration intensified until Nick could feel it in his skull between his ears. The hairs on his arms stood at attention.
"Forty-five seconds." Byron looked at Santa's vital readings. "Sir, don't hold your breath. We need you to breathe normally."
Santa took a deep breath and exhaled. Breathe normally.
"Thirty seconds."
Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod! Tinsel was losing her shit. She rubbed her temples. Her palms were sweaty.
"Twenty seconds. Secure your sack."
Nick lifted his magic sack and pulled it tightly to his chest in both arms.
"Good." Byron flipped the plastic cover that protected the cherry-red Engage button.
"Ten seconds." Byron began the countdown.
"Nine..."
Tinsel covered her eyes. She couldn't look... then she reconsidered. She spread her fingers and gazed through the cracks between them.
"Eight... Seven..."
"I love you guys. I'm so proud of what we've accomplished." Nick said.
"Six... Five..."
"I love you too, sir!" Tinsel cried. "Godspeed!"
"Four... Three..."
"Thanks cute stuff." Nick winked.
"Two."
Tinsel smiled. Byron seemed ready, relaxed. She felt relieved.
"One!"
Nick shut his eyes.
Byron pressed the red button hard.
The room went dark, and then illuminated in an explosion of electric blue light. Waves of light poured from the cannon above Santa's head, swirling around him; he felt the warm embrace of time and space.
BOOM
"What was that?" Byron stood up and peered into the chamber. From the opposite side of the room a beam of white light added itself to the blue light of the chamber. The emergency exit. Flung open.
"Those doors were supposed to be locked!" Tinsel yelled.
A brown figure raced from the rectangle of white light towards the center of the room.
Nick opened his eyes.
"Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit," Byron mumbled.
"What's the problem?" Nick's voice crackled back. He turned to the open doors. "Santa! What are you doing?!" said the brown figure bounding ever closer.
"V-Vixen?"