It wasn't supposed to be like this.
The sun was settling into the warm blue waters.
A warm breeze played with wisps of my blonde hair that had slipped out of my ponytail.
I sat and watched the parade of waves roll up onto the beach, pound themselves into the hard packed sand, and then roll back into themselves as still another wave moved onto the shore.
Maybe I was still in shock; all I knew was that I was numb. From my head to the tips of my bare toes, I couldn't have imagined this; it wasn't supposed to be like this.
All of the years of hard work, the sacrifice, poof, gone in the swing of a judge's gavel.
Glancing left and then right, I knew that before looking the beach was empty. Miles of white sand and surprisingly not a soul in sight. The sun had made the sand almost hot to the touch. My skin was finally losing the paleness from the past six months.
I felt like a zombie, everything I thought I believed in and thought I could count on was gone. At forty-seven, I was starting from zero; my self-confidence had never been lower than it was at this moment.
For the first time in my life, I questioned whether I wanted to even try to rebuild my life.
The cry of a seagull broke the spell of my self-pity. I realized just how hot, and sweaty I had become. I wasn't sure how long I had been sitting here, but for the first time since arriving, I felt like swimming, I needed to rinse my soul of the last six months.
Since arriving two days ago, I hadn't felt like doing anything, even to do my normal yoga routine had been a struggle. I had slept, ate, and just sat and watched the waves.
The urge to swim was the first strong desire I had felt since arriving. I thought about getting my swimsuit on and decided my desire for swimming overcame any sense of modesty. I crossed my hands over and pulled the tee shirt up and over my head. The warm breeze caressed and tickled my bare skin. For the first time in months, a flickering of energy crackled through my body as I continued to undress on the beach.
I had not seen another person or anything else other than birds and a few scurrying crabs the entire time I had been here. In fact, other than my little borrowed cottage, the only other sign of civilization I had encountered was a slight scent of old leather that I noticed occasionally.
Soft white clouds were the only witness to the removal of my bra. I exhaled as I always did when freeing my breasts, the feeling of exposure was causing my nipples to engorge automatically. The flickering I felt started to smolder. Again, without a conscious thought my thumbs and index fingers gently caressed and rubbed my nipples and the soft but still perky skin that made up my 34B's.
Closing my eyes for several minutes, I felt the power of the breakers and the surf piling up onto the beach. It had been so long since I had enjoyed these kind of feelings.
I stood and watched the waves as I fumbled with the button on my shorts. Shaking a little sand from my body as I stood, the button came undone and hooking my thumbs into the waistband, I pulled and pushed the material over the flare of my hips.
Toned from years of jogging and yoga, my body was younger than I felt. Pale from the months spent in court, the whiteness of my curves stood out in stark contrast to the blues and golds of the ocean and the setting sun.
Within moments, my plain white panties were gone, left in the trail of clothes on the sand. I was drawn, hypnotized by the relentless waves.
It was several moments before I noticed the scent. It was like comfortable old leather, a warm and inviting scent that didn't seem to have any source. It was a quiet reassuring presence, not scary, just soothing. Moving slowly and now re-experiencing that delicious feeling of being nude and fully exposed in such a setting, the sound of the waves only grew louder, and I seemed to lose track of the scent.
The warm water covered my small feet; the warmth eddied and massaged my toes and then my ankles. Rising slowly up my calves and then to my thighs, I inhaled softly as the warm water rose up to my crotch and flooded my pussy, the warmth of the water matching the surprising and unexpected warmth of my sex.
Waist deep in the water I dove cleanly just as the next wave rolled towards me. Remembering those swimming lessons from so long ago, my body flexed and moved effortlessly through the water. Engulfed, I dove deeper; I felt the water's movement over my flat stomach, around my abs, hugging the curves of my breasts, arching my back I stroked hard for distance before rising to the surface.
Twisting as I approached the surface, I timed my surfacing between waves. Now a distance from the shore, the waves were smaller and I allowed myself to float. Relaxing, I lay on the surface, my naked body floating on the silvery water. I floated as the stars appeared in the sky and allowed the warmth of the water to find every single part of me.
After an eternity, I stroked towards the shore, the tiredness, the long stress of the unsuccessful court process, the reading of the decision against me; all now seemed to run off me like the the water that streamed from my body as I started to wade onto the shore.
The sun had now sunk into the ocean but a full moon was rising in the opposite direction and the sky was a blackish orange as the stars began to poke through the growing darkness. I walked up the beach, leaving my clothes where they lay, the sand still warm beneath my small feet.
I stood, alone on the empty beach, a warm breeze caressing and drying my naked body. It had been months since I had felt the urge to explore my sexuality, now nude and relaxed, I could feel those desires returning. Looking up and down the darkening beach, a thought came to me and I decided to follow it.
I looked up at the stars and then lay down on the warm sand. The breeze felt like a thousand excited fingers on my cool skin. I lay back and let my fingertips trace small meandering circles on my body. My unpainted fingernails and soft touch explored my curves and sensitive skin. At first, I ignored my naughty bits, making smaller circles and big circles, my touching sent cold shivers through my body and butterflies into my stomach.
Down my chest and along my stomach, then back up the rise of my breasts. My fingers rose and fell as they followed my contours. In my mind, I imagined my fingers belonged to another person. I could feel the amazing sensation of lips on my nipples, sucking and lightly biting the now eraser sized nubs. My breathing was becoming deeper as I let myself get lost in a dream world while I lay spread eagle on the cooling sand.
I paused for a moment, in the moonlight, I detected the now familiar scent of leather and I felt like perhaps someone was there. It was much more pronounced now and just as comforting. I waited, holding my breath but nothing or no one was there.
Adventurous fingers pulled me back into the moment as they moved south, back across the flatness of my tummy, across my thighs. The fingers teased and lingered just inches from my center. I imagined the feelings of a warm tongue following the same route. Gently probing my sex, moving steadily but enjoying every fold, learning every little secret of my nakedness.
Images of long ago lovers, the feelings each had evoked made me squirm and writhe in the soft sand. My soft whimpers and moans were barely noticeable at first, but gradually, I heard them and almost did not recognize them as having come from me. The sound of the surf mirrored the feelings deep inside me. The crashing of the waves matched the building pleasure that I was feeling.
The fingers of one hand rose directly to my nipples and I knew my breasts would feel raw and sensitive from the pinching and pulling, but the feeling was too wonderful and I allowed them to play. While one set of fingers was getting busy there, with my other hand one and two fingers at a time continued to penetrate me. Moving in and out of me, they rose to find my little clitty. My body now had a mind of its own moving in rhythm to the waves; the sounds that came out of me were animalistic and wild. My back arched as I almost climaxed, only to rise up on an even bigger one and crash, free falling as an orgasm gripped my body.
It had been far too long, since I had last done anything like this. Under the the silence of a full moon and echoing thunder of the waves onshore, my body shook and twisted with the intensity of my pleasure. When it finished, my mouth was dry and my heart raced as my breathing struggled to return to normal. I looked up at the stars, the darkness illuminated by the moon and shadows fell across the dunes.
I lay there and closed my eyes only for what I thought were a few moments.
When I reopened them, I was confused. I had expected to awake on the beach, but instead I was in my bed and the sound of the surf washed in through the open windows of the cottage. I could detect that same scent of worn leather hanging in the wind but only for a moment. I lifted the comforter that covered me and I was still naked. My mind fixated on that there was no sand in the bed or anywhere on my body.
"Was that a dream?"
"It had seemed so real," I thought aloud. This was not the first time in the past few days this had happened. I had seemingly forgotten things that I had obviously done, until now I just attributed to the release of stress, but now I wondered. I glanced at the table in the small one room cottage at noticed several wild flowers in a vase that I did not remember picking.
Getting up, I wrapped myself in the ancient comforter and walked to the window. I could see the beach; the breakers piled high onto the sand. On one of the dunes, I noticed something; I rubbed my eyes and looked again. My shorts, top, bra and panties lay strewn on the sand where I had remembered, it couldn't have been a dream, I thought.
The scent of the flowers mixed with a faint lingering leather and I spun around, but the room was empty. Instead of feeling scared, the small cottage radiated a sense of calmness and belonging that felt so incredible it was almost tangible. I thought about getting dressed but the feeling of being naked and unconstrained was just too liberating to give up so soon. I leaned over the table and inhaled the sweetness of the flowers. The scent of leather was stronger now, but when I looked inside and out, I found or saw nothing to explain the source of the scent.
This was my third day at this lonely but wonderful little cottage. The past few days were just a blur, but one thing was consistent, I had not seen another soul. As I prepared some breakfast, my mind thought back to the night I had arrived.
