Octopus Jones: Case of The Couch Monster
It was 9 am when the action-packed man with the tentacled hands Octopus Jones entered the building of the PIE. No I'm not talking about apple pies or cherry pies. I'm talking about PIE, meaning Paranormal Investigation Enterprise, the largest paranormal investigation office in the world. Stopping by the receptionist's desk, Octopus Jones dazzled the attractive redhead behind the counter with his usual charm and a smile that says "I like you".
"Hey Judy. How's it going?"
"Oh hi, Octo! The Chief wants to see you right away!" chirped the pretty receptionist.
"Okay, I guess I better get going. See you later, babe!"
The tentacled adventurer went straight to the elevator, leaving Judy gazing back at him with a longing sigh and her hands touching herself in soft sensuous strokes.
Sitting behind his desk was David Flynn, the Chief Executive of PIE. Chief David was a tough man who grew up in the streets. At the age of 30, he started working as a highly-paid mercenary until he retired when he got into New Age. Due to a spiritual awakening, he witnessed "crazy shit out there" and so he swore to protect the world from the dark side. For this purpose, he created the Paranormal Investigation Enterprise. Each day, PIE receives missions that get weirder and weirder by the minute. This is one of these days.
"Jones! What's up?" Chief David greeted Octo-J with a fist pound and the trenchcoated mutant reciprocated.
"I had a good time, Chief David. Just got lucky with a brunette with big tits last night."
"You dawg! I've always known those mighty tentacles of yours will get you the ladies!"
"Yeah yeah. You're not so bad with the ladies yourself either."
"That's right and I attribute my mojo to a daily practice of chi-kung. It's kinda like Chinese yoga and it does wonders for my health and my libido. After work, I would do some chi-kung and then I would get so energetic and randy. I would grab my wife and then rip her clothes off and fuck her sweet ass and..." Chief David rambled on and on with his hands groping his desk. "Uh, Chief? The assignment?"
"Oh yeah. We got a request from a college student in California. Girls have been disappearing and word has it that some kind of unidentified creature was responsible. I want you to look into it and investigate what happened. If the monster shows up and messes with you, just kill the motherfucker."
"Understood. I'll guess I get going."
"Hold on, Jones. I got new partners for you."
"How many times do I have to tell you? I don't need partners!"
"Shut up, fool! Whether you like it or not, you're getting partners! Come in Lee and Marsh!"
Entering the room was a short bespectacled Asian man in a blue jacket and a sexy young woman with strawberry-blonde hair in a white blouse and slacks. Chief David began the introductions.
"Jones, this is Bobby Lee. A psychic from South Korea."
"Oooh a psychic! What can you do?" asked Octo-J to the small Korean man. Bobby blushed and said "Well... I can do a little telekinesis..."
"Bobby Lee possesses the power of mammokinesis, the ability to telekinetically manipulate breasts." explained Chief David.
"That's it?"
"Hey! Hey! That power could be a great help one day! Besides, Bobby Lee is also an expert in hand-to-hand combat and small fire-arms."
"Hey, that's not so bad. What about the woman?"
"Lucy Marsh here is from London. She lacks any combat or technical skills but she has a very unique ability. She can sexually attract paranormal entities within a 50 mile radius. In other words, she's monster bait. The origin of her power is unknown but she has shown her worth to PIE has been proven many times before especially in the recent Loch Ness case."
"It's true and my bum is still sore from it thanks to that aquatic bastard." muttered Lucy Marsh in a surly manner while rubbing one of her butt-cheeks.
"... Right. To California we go!"
Inside a dormitory, a nervous young man patiently waited. It's been been a day since the lanky youth contacted PIE. The seemingly endless waiting ceased when the doorbell rang. The young man opened the door and met Octopus Jones, Bobby Lee and Lucy Marsh near his doorstep. Octo-J began to speak.
"Hi, I'm looking for Baxter Storkman. I'm Octopus Jones and this is Bobby Lee and Lucy Marsh. We're from the Paranormal Investigation Enterprise."
"Oh thank God you're here! This is really urgent." exclaimed the young man.
"Tell us what happened."
"Several girls have been disappearing in this dormitory during these past few weeks, including my girlfriend Chiquita Rodriguez. One day, I went upstairs to dress up. I went down, she was gone. People told me that the Couch Monster got her."
"Pardon me for asking but what is the Couch Monster?" asked Bobby.
"The Couch Monster was an urban legend among students of Linderman University. Every night after 8 pm, it creeps out from any couch and grabs someone. Some say its favorite targets are women. The women get raped before being eaten by the Couch Monster. I never believed in the stories until now."
"What makes you think the so-called Couch Monster got her?" asked Lucy.
"When I came downstairs, I saw this by the couch..." Baxter handed Octo-J a piece of pink fabric.