Each breathe burned in Rex's oxygen starved lungs. Each mile that had become so familiar these past weeks seemed longer and slower than ever. Each passing moment was a struggle to keep the beast raging within him leashed. He had debated over and over parking the truck and taking across country on hoof or paw. But he was not ready yet...not ready to reveal all to Jaycee.
His senses were so bombarded and on edge that he almost missed the turn-off to her home. He knew he took it too sharp and too fast but his muscles that strained against their human constraints welcomed the challenge of controlling tons of metal, plastic and glass. He helped him to remain focused...just long enough to come to a shrieking halt as close to the house as he could get.
Which was not that close with Hector's truck and three police cars with flashing lights and sirens parked out front. His eyes scanned the crowd quickly looking for just one thing. One person. Her. His Mitawa Naya. But he did not see her. His heart that had been beating too fast came to a sudden halt as it burst from his chest into his too tight throat. Where was she?
He threw open the door of the truck and headed... He was not sure where to go. The house was ablaze. It seemed every single light was on. But he did not see his Angel either. All of these lights and noise must be a living hell on her senses. If she had woken to this... He only hoped that she had not had a particularly bad seizure. She had been doing a bit better lately. He had taught her a couple of the ancient chants that his grandfather had once taught him. As they had him, it helped to calm and center her, keep her mind focused until her tiny brain could cope with the sensory overload. He had begun to hope that...
But now? What now? He was just about to shout, rage at the skies. He did lift his head to the deepest, darkest part of the night sky. He closed his eyes and opened his other senses. Allowed the beast as much reign as he dared. He smelled for her, turning slowly in a circle, stopping and filling his lungs with deep inhalations each time.
Finally, he detected her. Or what he was almost certain was her. But her familiar scent was laced too heavily with adrenaline. She smelled of fear. He smelt something else too. Something that he could not mistake...blood. He sniffed again. He thanked all of the gods of his people that it was not her blood. That was something at least.
He shook his head, anger and disgust lacing with his own fear and worry. His Mitawa Naya had faced this all alone. That ate at him like a cancer that grew in his gut. How had he allowed this to happen? Why had he not stayed closer? Why had he not claimed what was his by all the rights of ancient custom and fates? But he would deal with all of that later. Right now he just wanted to find her. Hold her. Know that she was well and truly safe.
He opened his eyes. He was facing the barn, which seemed to the center of most of the activity. He scanned the small crowd. He saw Hector's face. It was drawn into a deep furrow. The older man looked almost ashen in the bright lights of the police cars which were aimed in that direction.
Rex noted that Hector was talking with a deputy. The man was busy scribbling in a small black notebook. Their heads kept turning towards the half closed barn door. Light could be seen through the cracks there as well. He took a step in that direction. He stopped when the door opened a bit wider.
There she was. Framed in the soft glow that came from the flashlight that both she and the sheriff held in their hands. The high beams of the police cars made her appear almost translucent, she was so pale. He could even detect a slight tremble in her fingers as she held the flashlight. But most of all he could see the bright sheen of tears that were gathering in her eyes. His heart splintered into a thousand pieces. He had done this. He had let her down. Something he had sworn he would never do. But he had.
He wanted to go to her. He needed to go to her. To wrap her in his arms. To hold her close and just know that she was safe. But guilt and shame ate at him. What right did he have? What right did he have to even think of her as his? Let alone as his Mitawa Naya? He loathed himself as he never had. Not even as that little ten year-old boy who everyone, even the teachers, made fun of. Never had he felt so inadequate. Such a failure.
She suddenly stopped whatever she was saying to the sheriff. She looked up. Almost as if she could sense him as much as he sensed her. But he knew that was not possible...not yet anyway. Her eyes searched the crowd, scanned the dark. Then her gaze captured his. His breath caught in his lung with fear. She must hate him for letting her down like this. He did not blame her. He could never blame her for anything.
But her mouth curved into a smile. A half smile anyway. Nervous. Tired. Uncertain. But a smile nonetheless and that was all that mattered. She shook her head and turned back to the sheriff and said something. He nodded slowly and turned back towards the inside of the barn.
Then she took a step towards him. And another. Then suddenly she was running towards him. And nothing else mattered. His heart came back together in an explosion of light and began to beat again. His own feet were released from the manacles of fear and self-hatred that had bound him to this spot. He was racing towards her then. Towards his future. Towards his destiny. Towards his Mitawa Naya. She was safe and that was all that mattered.
***
It did not make sense. None of it made a lick of sense to Jaycee. She wanted to stop, to come to a screeching halt. This was crazy. Something out of a very bad movie from one of those women's channels. The heroine racing into the arms of the hero. But as stupid and asinine as it sounded that was all she wanted. To feel his strong arms wrapped about her. To have him hold her and tell her that everything was going to be okay.
Even if she knew that it was not. Even if she still trembled and quaked from the carnage that she had seen with her own eyes this night. Even if every fiber of her being still feared that creature. Even if she was loathe to face the unknown that seemed to be stalking her...and her daughter. That threatened everything she had re-built for them.
And stupid, silly woman wants to just run into a man's arms, she chided herself. But her feet kept running towards him. Eating up yards with each step. Bringing her closer and closer to her heart's desire. Her eyes never left his face. His normally tan skin seemed paler. Was it the halogen lights from the police cruisers? Or perhaps had he honestly feared for her?
Cared...even half as much as he said he did? 'He is here, isn't he, stupid?' whispered a little voice in her that she dared not believe. It was the same voice that she had been battling since that first day in the court house. Was it the voice of her girlish dreams that she had thought long since dead? Was it the voice of some weakness that dwelled deep within her, that sought a rescuer when she knew that no one would save her or Angel but herself? Or perhaps was it the heart of woman herself...crying out for what could not be?