Here is the second part of the story β I know the first was a bit all over the place and I wish I hadn't submitted it so quickly but I knew if I spent time contemplating, I would never have the courage to submit... hopefully I can only improve from here. I hope you enjoy it; there will be one more part after this to conclude the story. Thank you for reading!
The story follows on directly from the last part.
***
The two girls avoided the ballroom as they fled the garden, taking a servant's entrance into the house. They skulled the palatial hallway, the noise from the ballroom a muted hum, before Amelia pulled her cousin through one of the many side doors lining the wall and closed it behind them hurriedly.
"Your mother has been looking for you," Amelia said by way of greeting, but her expression didn't look particularly foreboding at this piece of news. Instead, it hinted at curiosity and speculation about something else entirely.
The first flushes of despair filtered through Lara's sagging body as she vividly recalled what had transpired but a few minutes ago β that 'something else entirely'. Supporting her back against the wooden door, she peered at her cousin through the dark and shadowed room, just about making out her features.
"And what did you say?" she managed to inquire in calm, off-hand tones.
"I relayed that you were feeling a little unwell and had gone to lie down in one the guest rooms β which was half true, you did admit to some disquiet before you disappeared. Well anyway, this seemed to please her a little too much... I have a feeling this was mostly down to her hatred of my red dress since she seemed considerably unconcerned after that.
But enough about that...did you β Lord, please tell me you weren't frolicking with that gorgeous man you were dancing with earlier, Lara?" if Lara were not wallowing in her own guilt and misery, she could have sworn she detected regret in her cousins voice.
"It's nothing to worry about, really. I had a sneaky glass of champagne and it made me a little bold. We only... fondled a little," Lara explained, her tones defensive by the end.
While not something you would run around declaring to the collective ladies of the ton, it was not uncharted territory for a young unmarried female to indulge in flirtation and clandestine caresses at a soiree or ball. The usual haunts for such occurrences were the conservatory or orangey, true, but considering Lara's fumblings had gone a bit beyond the flirtation mark the change of location seemed now a sensible decision. Lara found herself wanting desperately to tell Amelia everything β not the specifics, but of her frantic emotions. After all, this was her cousin she was talking to - her cousin who would neither judge nor condemn. Besides, she was condemning herself enough for the both of them.
"Could you light the gas lamp?" she asked then and heard Amelia fumbling about before the room was shrouded in mellow light and she blinked, taking in the sight before her.
The room was papered in soft pinks and greens and Amelia divulged that this was her mother's personal parlour. Lara was not certain she had seen this room before but then there were so many chambers inside this mini palace that it would take a week's tour to fully appreciate them all. She felt a pang of melancholy then as she realised that she would soon be heading back to the country, away from her cousin and away from London and all of its excitements...which, in all actuality considering her weak will, was probably for the best.
Moving into the room and taking a seat on a plush chair, Lara looked down at her clasped hands as she collected her thoughts but her glance carried over to one of the tall windows and she concentrated on the darkness without, too ashamed to meet her cousin's eyes.
"I - I feel so dirty, Amelia. How could I have taken leave of my senses with that man? Lord knows what I was thinking but he... I can't explain it but when I was with him, nothing else seemed to matter. The things he did β I
allowed
him to do. I really am a strumpet," she shook her head in self-loathing. "All he had to do was to look at me and I knew I could deny him nothing."
"Did he take your-"
"I'm still very much a maid," Lara interrupted her sternly.
"Well, there you go then," Amelia took a visible exhalation of relief. "You are certainly no strumpet. The only strumpet here, my dear, is I."
"Oh, you know I didn't mean it like that. It's just that I'm not like you - not confident and able to be carefree and follow my feelings. I have always hoped to be but..."
"And nor would you want to be like me," Amelia's tone was almost angry now and it startled Lara. "Look, I know I've gotten up to some shameful shenanigans - things that I should not even know about, let alone indulge in - but you must understand that it all stems from circumstances. If it hadn't been for that cursed accident β and David - I would never dare half what I do now.
When I was lying in bed for months and months, listening to the physician telling the parents that that my left leg would have to be removed, I honestly believed that it would happen and that I would be bed-ridden and have my livelihood ruptured from then on. The thing was, Lara, I had also been so painfully self-aware before the accident β you might think you are a little reticent and timid but for me, it was painful self-awareness. I was...scared of life, I suppose you could say but in vast contrast to that I had always been hot blooded and often thought that I would die a virgin, so shy of men and of the idea of marriage was I. And then when things changed with the accident, it shifted things in my mind."
"I never realised," Lara shook her head.
A self depreciating smile replaced Amelia's straight mouth. "Well, I can't play the poor little rich girl until the very last page. It's true, mother and father have always let me get away with murder and I don't think that helped but still, I would have gone to my husband a maid had it not been for David entering my life just as the leg healed.
Everything was all too much; the freedom of mobility after over two years being bed-ridden and the joy of simple pleasures that I thought would be denied to me from then on that I suppose I simply decided to follow my heart and I guess you could say, lived to suffer from the lesson."
"Do you still think of him?" Lara rested her head against the back of the chair, the atmosphere in the room soft and languid. The parlour felt so cosy and secluded that one would hardly guess there was a lively ball taking place within the same residence. Or a handsome, overwhelming man walking about who had been scant seconds from taking her virginity.
Seating herself on the floor by Lara's legs, Amelia sighed pensively. "Yes, but not in a lovesick way. Lord, I was naΓ―ve. I really believed that David wanted to marry me and make a home, otherwise I'd never have given him my virtue, Lara," at the last part, her cousins eyes were imploring.
"And then of course Garret came along shortly after David departed and helped me to forget," her cousin grinned now.
"You are terrible," Lara shook her head.
"A wanton woman!" her cousin rejoined, before sobering. "So, are you saying that you've dipped your toe in the waters of pre-marital liaisons and decided it is not for you?"
"That is correct," Lara confirmed decisively. "I know this will sound strange β but I truly did not feel myself when I was with him...I don't think it was the champagne, either. All of my concerns seemed to vanish. It was almost as if my will was ripped from me."
Amelia snorted, making light of her uneasiness but Lara hadn't been speaking fancifully.
"Well that's men for you - I'd best keep one eye on you from now on, after all we want at least one female from this family going untouched to the marriage bed. But who was the gentleman? I know he's acquainted with father in someway and he was certainly a handsome devil, seeming more than taken with you...ah! And here you were yesterday complaining that my Cole was an old man but this gentleman looked to be around thirty years too. You never know, Lara, you might be able to bring him to scratch if you play you cards right β which means withholding your maidenhead, dear," her expression was rebuking.
Lara blushed. "There is no danger of any of that for I'm sure he has already forgotten me by now...and that I shall probably never see him again after tonight anyway."
Shortly after, the two girls rejoined the ball. After all Amelia was the star of the show and had already built up a firm hoard of admirers who would surely be missing her. Lara was both relieved and disappointed not to encounter Nicholas again. This brief respite with Amelia in the parlour had made it seem as though the events in the garden had happened an age ago. Despite herself, Lara found her head craning this way and that throughout the night, hoping to catch a glimpse of that beautiful, raven haired man but met with no success.
No doubt he is with the rest of the men in the gaming room by now, she mused. Or off in some guest room tumbling an old lords' neglected wife. The thought induced momentary jealousy but little regret that it would not be she. It had indeed been a lucky escape and now that her senses were restored, the thought of scandal and its consequences was a real, debilitating thing. Lara would listen to her cousin's advice and would feel only grateful that Amelia had stumbled upon them when she had. But Lara knew that for the rest of her days, she would never forget that blue eyed elusive man. Not for as long as she lived.
*