The elf perched on her chair, performing the annual audit of the 1978 Naughty list. It was a tedious duty; after more than three decades, the list was effectively static.
"Johnson, Jeremy—tax evasion." Lucy murmured and entered his data into her tablet. Two copies of his tax return showed on the tablet. Yes, still Naughty.
"Judson, Sherrie—manipulation." Video of the plastic surgeon preying on patient insecurity. Lucy confirmed that Sherrie was still Naughty.
"Kaspar, Matthew—sexual deviant?" Lucy's eyebrows rose. Not only was Matthew a new entry on the list, but this was the first time she'd ever seen that as a designation. Lucy entered his data, and then frowned. "Unable to verify?"
The elf found her manager switching between three tablets at lightning speed, frantically working through the entire '78 Nice list.
"How the hell am I supposed to prevent stretch marks from pregnancy? I'm an elf, not a magician! Nothing else on the list? Seriously, Carol? It's genetic! Okay, we'll give you a gift card to that spa that promises it can remove them. Enjoy the totally ineffective avocado wrap."
Lucy cleared her throat.
"What?" Kendra snapped.
"I have a Naughty that can't be video verified," Lucy said cautiously.
"So? Base it on their history on your list."
"It's a new Naughty. I think we need to arrange for someone to do a physical verification."
Kendra heaved a sigh and rubbed her temples. "Take Blitzen. Go down and do the verification yourself, but get it done today. I don't have to remind you it's the 23rd." She made a shooing motion at Lucy. "Give the rest of your list to Andrew; he was bragging that he'd finished his. That'll shut him up." She returned to her work.
Lucy stammered, "But I've never done a field assignment. I'm—"
"Are you kidding me?" Kendra's head whipped up. "You're going to bitch about a field assignment on the twenty-third? The twenty-third? Get your ass down there, do the verification and get back here!"
Reindeer Complex was buzzing with activity. Prancer's handlers were counting reps as he did something resembling push-ups. Cupid was screaming at her elves for putting decaf coffee in her bucket.
Blitzen's stall was the only one without a crowd outside the entrance. Lucy peeked in to see the reindeer sprawled on the floor, watching Star Wars. There was a bag of potato chips half-hidden under some hay.
Lucy knocked. "Blitzen?"
Blitzen grunted, but didn't look up from Leia's pleas to help her.
"I have to go South and verify a new Naughty? The video system isn't working? Kendra suggested that you give me a ride? To Boston? I know it's the twenty-third, but it's a new Naughty."
A long-suffering sigh was his only response.
Lucy knew she couldn't screw up her first field assignment. "Please, Blitzen?"
Dancer's voice erupted from the stall opposite Blitzen. "These bells are tarnished! How is that acceptable? Does no one care about standards anymore?"
Blitzen's ears flattened at the increasingly shrill noise. "Fine. At least I'll have a valid excuse for getting out of here."
Blitzen explained how to ride reindeer-back and then they were off. Lucy's emotions swung betwixt excitement and terror. This field assignment could mean big things for her career if she was able to verify a Naughty.
Blitzen was flying at almost-Christmas speed. "It'll take about an hour to get to Boston. I'm bored. Let's talk. What's your N-O-N's designation?"
"Sexual deviant," Lucy said, blushing.
"What's your game plan, noob?"
"I don't know. What do you think I should do?"
"Screwed, you are," he replied in a terrible imitation of Yoda. "Go home," he added in his normal voice.
"No. I was given the assignment and I'm going to do it," Lucy said stubbornly.
"Your funeral. Prepare for landing."
Lucy's teeth rattled as they hit the roof of a multi-story brownstone in the Back Bay. She dismounted and stretched, looking around at the view. Turning back to Blitzen she came face to face with a tall dark-skinned man. He seemed to be sporting the same style of post-college casual as the majority of the mid-20-something men on the street.
He grinned sardonically. "You look surprised."
She'd heard the rumors, but never seen it firsthand. "How'd you—"
"Reindeer have gnarly skills according to Vix. I call it a unique ability to blend into whatever the situation calls for. Shopping at Newbury Comics calls for this. When do you want me to meet you back here? One hour, two?" He glanced at his watch.
"Aren't you going to help me?"
"Sink or swim, elf girl. I'll get you off the
roof, but then you're on your own. Take my hand," he said, extending it.
Blitzen pulled her through the rooftop access door.
"Good luck," he tossed over his shoulder before descending the stairs and disappearing through the door to the street.
The elf knew that Matthew Kaspar lived in apartment 3C. Lucy took out her specialized North Pole smartphone. A smile spread across her face when she saw an outstanding order on Matthew's Amazon account. Lucy sent a text, and moments later, a box with the familiar logo appeared.
The tech advances of the last twenty years allowed the Elves to streamline a lot of practices, such as package transportation. Now Santa only had to do a token appearance for NORAD and visit the top 3% on the Nice list personally. The elves took care of the rest. Unfortunately transportation tech didn't work on living creatures, or she could have been spared Blitzen's merciless wit and Yoda impressions.
Armed with Matthew's package and a smile, she knocked.
Matthew Kaspar turned out to be a regular guy. Average height and build with brown eyes. He wore glasses, jeans, and a t-shirt.
"Are you Matthew?" Lucy asked.
"Yeah. You are..." his voice trailed off and he raised an eyebrow.
"Lucy. I think the mailman wasn't paying attention. I live in 3C a few doors down, and he left this at my apartment." She smiled and held up the Amazon box.
