This is my submission for the April Fools 2025 contest, so please vote! I would greatly appreciate it!
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Thalia had never gone this deep into the woods before. She'd been sent to fetch a loaf of bread from the baker in the next village over, and rather than go the long way around, she'd decided to cut through the woods instead. The bright yellow sun filtered cleanly down through the leaves, warming Thalia's skin while she skipped, and she wasn't afraid at all.
She'd promised to heed her mother's warning to stay away from any shadows and the evil faeries that might be lurking there, but Thalia wasn't even sure she believed in faeries. She was twenty years old next week and she'd never even seen one. It was all a bunch of poppycock, if you asked her.
The harsh sounds of water crashing against rock reached Thalia's ears moments before the roaring river came into sight. There was an ancient wooden bridge built over the body of water, seemingly sturdy enough to provide passage despite the aged and withered wood. Clearly, others had traveled this route before.
Only, there was a man standing at the entrance to the bridge.
He was not like the men back at the village, or any man Thalia had ever seen, for that matter. He was dressed in a tattered violet tunic that offset his curly, white-blonde hair and bright emerald eyes, an ensemble that stood out like a sore thumb amidst the greenery of the forest. He was also barefoot, seemingly unbothered by the hard ground beneath his calloused, overgrown feet. Thalia was shocked to find wings peeking out from over his shoulders, delicate-looking and translucent like a wasp's. As his friendly smile revealed a set of pearly-white teeth, it occurred to Thalia that this wasn't a man at all...
Thalia was lured closer by his pretty facial features and youthful glow, something she would later come to regret.
"Hello there," the stranger said brightly. "A human, how delightful! My name is Virgil. What can I do for you?"
"Well, um, I need to cross this bridge," answered Thalia, thinking it was quite odd for this stranger to be standing here all alone, even if he were truly a faerie. She wasn't entirely convinced that he wasn't a figure of her imagination. "Would you mind stepping aside?"
The stranger's sadness preceded disappointing news. "I'm afraid I can't. This is my river, you see, and I decide who gets to cross it." He was being perfectly polite, but his words confused Thalia.
"Why?" she asked him, wondering if she should simply turn back now. But Virgil didn't strike Thalia as particularly threatening, and it was broad daylight -- surely, the truly evil faeries only came out at nighttime.
"Because I can," he answered simply.
Thalia's brow furrowed as she assessed the situation. Why couldn't he just move out of the way? She didn't think she was strong enough to push the faerie aside, and regardless, she didn't want any trouble. But it would take over an hour to walk the long way around...
"What do you want in return for allowing me passage?" Thalia asked, curiosity winning out over self-preservation.
The stranger's lips tugged up slightly at the corners. "I will allow you safe passage across this river if you do for me three things. If you fail to accomplish them, you will instead enter into a period of servitude lasting no less than seven years. And then, only then, would I permit you to cross the river."
Thalia considered for a moment. Her mother would slap her just for entertaining the idea. "Will the tasks be difficult?"
"Not largely, no."
"Alright," she decided on a whim. She considered herself a very capable girl, and was sure she could accomplish whatever tasks he set before her. And besides, Thalia didn't believe in things like magic or curses.
"Wonderful," he said, a note of something mischievous lingering in his tone. "Task number one: hop on one foot for sixty seconds."
That's all? She quickly raised one foot in the air and began hopping up and down like a rabbit. It felt a bit silly, but it was manageable. This was going to be the easiest bargain ever.
The stranger looked pleased. "Next, go into the forest and find me a pink tulip."
Thalia turned on her heels and strode into the vast expanse of trees. The pink tulips were hard to miss, as the forest was absolutely swathed with them. They marched across the ground, crawled up tree trunks, and floated atop puddles in their takeover of the wilderness. It was almost too easy. Thalia returned to the river with a pink tulip in hand and a grin stretched across her face. She was feeling confident at this point.
And then, the faerie's smile turned saccharine.
"Lastly, I need you to orgasm with your hands tied behind your back."
With a snap of his fingers, Thalia found her hands tied together at the base of her spine by a rope that had seemingly materialized from thin air.
She stared at him, dumbfounded, while he continued to smile at her like she was the biggest idiot in the whole wide world. And perhaps she was. "And it has to be real," he added. "I will know if you fake it."
"What?" Thalia sputtered. "That's... that's impossible."
The friendliness on Virgil's face had been replaced by something else, something... malicious. Any doubts Thalia had about the faerie being real vanished along with the brutal snap of his spindly fingers.
"Tell you what, I'm feeling generous, so I'll give you two hours to make it happen. If you fail to achieve climax within this allotted time frame, you'll begin your servitude to me immediately." He rocked back on his heels, clearly pleased with himself. "The clock is ticking, little human."
Panic swelled in Thalia's chest. "You said the tasks weren't going to be difficult!"
