I hesitated before getting dressed that morning, both aching to impress the mysterious subway man, and hoping that he wouldn't be there on a Saturday. I wanted it to be coincidence, but if I were honest I really wanted him to be there for me. I pulled on a formal skirt and sleeveless blouse that I thought accentuated my body well while making it look like a happy accident for a professional woman. I slipped a silver necklace on, earrings, and bangles. I pulled my long hair up in a stylishly messy french twist. Liking how I looked, I ate a quick breakfast, and walked down to the subway.
When I first entered the car I didn't see him where he usually sat, so I sat down in the closest open seat, leaning back to feel a hot, smooth arm beside mine. I looked to the person beside me, shocked to see the man himself, wearing a casual v-neck t-shirt and jeans, looking absolutely fantastic. I felt a rush of adrenaline, and tried to lean away, but the older woman on my other side made space impossible. His arm settled back in to touch mine, raising my hairs in anticipation. My breath quickened, and I sat tensely, feeling every centimeter of his hot bare skin against mine, as the subway rushed into the darkness, the lights going out. The subway car was silent except for the pounding of a teenager's headphones in the distance, and suddenly I found myself aware of my surroundings in a way I hadn't been in years.
I could hear his breathing, smell his sweat and his cologne, and feel his muscles tightening and relaxing below his skin. He shifted, and I could feel his breath gently lifting the hairs that fell down around my neck. I shivered, feeling the familiar fear of unknown men, but also an excitement that located itself suspiciously low in my abdomen. I tried to take a calming breath, but it came out haggard, catching when I felt smooth lips brushing my collarbone. I froze, and the lights came back on to show him seated comfortably and appropriately distant from me. Turning to him, I caught a mischievous smile before he looked back and me innocently. Saying nothing, I sat straight forward, trying not to notice each time his arm brushed mine, sending chills up to my shoulder and down my spine.
The rest of the subway ride was suspiciously long, and I was frazzled by the end of it, so intensely aware of his body, his movements, and mine in reflection to his. When we finally reached my stop I jumped up, rushing out of the car immediately, only turning around when the train started to pull away, catching his grin in the window.
Completely spaced out as I took the kids bowling to escape the heat that afternoon, I missed my phone ringing twice. At the end of the second call, Annie looked up at me, her sweet little brow furrowed.
"Aren't you going to pick up the phone, Lanie?" she asked.
"What? Oh, did you hear my phone ring?" I looked around for my bag, finding the two missed calls from their mother. I called her back immediately.
"Hi Allison, so sorry to miss your call!"
"Where
are
you?! I told you last week that the Annie and Lyall have a doctors appointment today! Right now!" I slapped my hand over my face, groaning.
"I'm so sorry Allison, we must have lost track of the time. We'll be there right away." I gathered the kids quickly, carrying Annie out in tears because of the unfinished game, and hopped in a taxi.
As we stepped into the doctor's office their mother kissed each on the head and ushered all three behind a nurse into the exam room at once. Then she closed the door and turned to look at me.
"And what if that had been an emergency, Lana?" Her tone was cold and hard.
"I'm really sorry Allison, honestly. It was simply too hot to be outside, and the kids were excited to go bowling. I promise I won't loose track like that again."
"How can I be certain?"
"Give me another chance, please--I can prove to you by making sure the children are excellently cared for and always on time to their appointments. I'll carry my phone on me in case you need to talk with me or one of the kids."
"Well, Lana, I can't say I'm pleased with the way this turned out. I know the kids are feeling sentimental towards you, but that won't stop me from finding another nanny if you mess up again."
"Absolutely, I understand. Again, I'm terribly sorry."
"As you should be, Lana, as you should be." She turned and walked into the exam room with the kids, leaving me outside.
Sunday, my day off, I slept late, curling my body around the sheet in the cool breeze of morning. I finally gave in to wakefulness, reading in bed like I did every Sunday morning. Angry at myself because of the telling off the day before, and anxious about my mysterious subway man, I eventually dropped the book, getting dressed and going out to the park nearby. I took a brisk walk, the exercise doing me good and helping me to work up an appetite for once. The day passed uneventfully, with another long call from Tom bemoaning the patients at his practice. The girl had indeed had MG, and I congratulated him for the diagnosis.
"Ah, well, you know how it goes--there are some symptoms one can't put out of one's mind. For example, her weakness in the months preceding her medication for Lyme's Disease. Others might ignore that, but those are the sorts of things I don't miss."
I groaned. I doubted he had completely forgotten that I was the one who gave him the diagnosis, but having told so many other people it was his idea, he must have convinced himself a little bit as well. He was always so impressionable.
Monday morning I stood, sweat cooling in the air conditioning, not a single seat available. I clung to a pole in the center of the car, pressed on either side by other commuters. I was just relaxing into the acceptance that he had not returned that day, when a familiar heat burned through my shirt at the small of my back. His smell, the muskiness of his sweat and his cologne, and the electricity coming from where he rested his hand on my back--I didn't even have to look to know it was him. The train jolted and sent me backwards into his body and he wrapped his arm around me like a lover. Although I wanted nothing more than to sink into his body, I pushed away from him, turning to scold him for touching me without permission.
"Excuse me sir, I do not know you." My voice quivered, unused to confrontation.
