My Date with Shadowcat313

It's been almost a month now. After the first week of waiting for her to send me a message, calling in sick, not bothering to shower or shave, hating myself for not caring about that, and not caring anyway. I was miserable. I held the firm assertion that I had ruined what had been a wonderful, exhilarating, scary, beautiful date with the woman of my dreams, a woman who I'd met as Shadowcat313. After meeting her in person for the first time, she had divulged a great secret to me, and, as I realized soon after, she also used a talent of hers to prevent me from running away until I'd had some time to come to terms with it. Through it all, the visit to a club called Cube, and then to her home, it had been like a dream, a perfect dream. But then I had ruined the whole thing, and now I'm suffering greatly for it.

After that first week, I had no more sick time to use, so I forced myself to clean up, shave, and go back to work. It was a wonder I haven't gotten myself or someone else injured or killed, so occupied was my mind with Nickie. I somehow reached the end of the month, but was no less despondent for it. It was bad enough for my supervisor, Charlie Carrasco, to take notice.

"Hey, Gary," he called out from the front door of the small trailer on the site, "Come in here for a minute!"

I trudged into the trailer, and took a seat when it was offered.

"Gary, you in some kind of trouble or something?" he perpetually rubbed his blunt fingers through the black and gray whiskers of his goatee, "'Cause if you are, depending on what it is, I can try to help. Like, do you owe someone some serious money?"

"Huh? Oh, no, it's nothing like that. Uh... I met a woman about three weeks ago. We had a date, and I kinda screwed it up at the end. I'm hoping she'll email me, but she hasn't yet."

"Women troubles? Ah, fuck! I've been divorced twice, so maybe I don't qualify for helpful advice on that, but if she hasn't called or emailed, I'm thinking it ain't gonna happen. It sucks, but maybe you oughtta let go and move on."

I shrugged, producing a dry sound that would've been a laugh if I'd been in a mood to, "If only it were that easy! I haven't been able to get her out of my head since that night."

"Well, if she's that special, then I guess you'll wait as long as it takes, won't you? But, at least while you're on the job, can you try to pay attention to what you're doing? I don't want you getting yourself injured or killed on the job."

I promised to do so, and he dismissed me back to my job.

Every night, when I got home, filthy, sweaty, and exhausted, I immediately checked my email, deleting the junk mail, finding nothing from Nickie. I thought repeatedly about going to her home and begging for a second chance, but the one time I actually tried, I couldn't remember where she lived. I'd even driven around, searching for her house, hoping to come across it, but with no luck. With everything she had become to me, getting her out of my head for more than five seconds was an impossibility.

Just over a month after my date with Nickie, I was checking my email once more, and I stopped, noticing the email from Shadowcat313. I clicked it immediately, opening it, setting aside a sandwich that I had just made without a second thought. It read:

Gary,

Meet me at the coffee shop from before at nine tonight.

Nickie

I looked up at the clock, saw it was already eight. I showered quickly, charged with an energy I hadn't felt in over a month, dressed, and left, getting on my bike. It didn't start for seven or eight tries, but when it finally caught and revved, I sped down the street, driving recklessly, and not caring. I made it to the coffee shop where I'd met her in person with almost fifteen minutes to spare. I ordered a chai tea for myself and sat at a table to wait for her.

Nine o'clock passed, and then nine-twenty. I wondered if she had changed her mind; maybe I'd screwed things up too much for us to get past it. Nine-thirty, nine-fifty, and ten-fifteen went by, and the coffee shop was closing. I got to my feet, my chai tea only half-consumed and cold now. I threw it away, vowing never to drink another as long as I lived, as it would only remind me of what I'd lost. I sighed, wrenched with depression at the thought that I may never see her again, and sat on my bike. I didn't try to start it yet, simply staring down at the handlebars, which were slightly bent, due to a spill the previous owner took. I had meant to have the handlebars straightened, but never got around to it, instead just getting used to it instead.

Just as I was about to finally attempt to start my bike, I caught something out of the corner of my eye. I jumped off the bike and whirled to find Nickie standing nearby, dressed in all black. I almost didn't believe that she was really here, half-willing to accept that she was a hallucination, brought on by my desperate mind.

"I almost didn't come," she sighed, looking at the ground.

I tried to speak, but found my mouth unbelievably dry.

She continued, "I debated with myself as to whether I should. Even now, I can still taste you, and I find myself wanting more, almost so much that I can't stand it. I almost came to you just to have more of your blood. I went to Europe to escape my desire, my need of you. But everywhere I went, I thought of you. Every time I fed, I found it lacking because it wasn't you."

Still, I couldn't speak, tears pricking my eyes. I wanted so badly to rush to her and throw my arms around her, but I didn't think she'd receive that well, not if she was being tormented so badly by the scent of my blood.

"Thank you for not doing that," she shuddered, and I remembered how well she'd read my mind before.

Finally, I found my voice, "I haven't been doing very well."

"I know. There's nothing I could do for that... unless... if you really want to move on... I can make you forget me."

"God, no!" I cried, "If you ever felt anything for me, don't ever do that!"

She hesitated, obviously in as much turmoil as I was.

'Better to know why I feel so lost than to feel it and never know why,' I thought gravely.

"Oh, Gary!" she lamented, "I've never felt this way, not even when I was alive. Being lonely was far easier than this torture. Even now I can smell you, and my thirst is ravenous!"

I responded, "Even if you took every drop, I'd be happier than I've been for the past month."

"No!" she screamed in horror, and vanished so quickly that she might never have been there in the first place.

"Damn it!" I yelled, "Don't do this again! I can't take it anymore!"

I waited for hours, until I felt sure that she wouldn't come back. Then I waited longer, until the sky began to brighten with the coming day. Only then did I go home, feeling lower than ever. I sat at my computer, not seeing it, not seeing anything but her beautiful face, so tormented and afraid of what she might do to me that she'd endure such loneliness. I opened my email and looked for an email from her, but all that I saw was her email from earlier. I hit the reply button and started writing:

Dear Nickie,

I'm sorry that I've hurt you. I can't continue going on without you, no matter what the risk, so please don't make me. I only want to be with you. Please talk to me.

Yours forever,

Gary

I wanted to continue writing, wanting to pour out everything in me, whatever it took to make her see, but I kept it simple instead, deciding that she probably knew how badly I hurt, considering how she was faring.

Only five minutes after I hit Send, I saw a reply from her:

Gary,

If you only knew how dangerous it is to be with me, especially after I've tasted you, surely you wouldn't be so eager to rush into my arms. Sadly, even knowing this, I want nothing more than to have you in my arms, and this frightens me more than I can put into words! I don't think you understand how broken I'd be if I ever hurt you like that, or killed you (god help me). I can't risk it! If it means that I must go on without you, I must. Please, let me make you forget me so that you might move on and live your life. You won't remember having ever met me. For all you'd know, Shadowcat313 would never have existed. You've got to move on!

Please think about this,

Nickie

I shook as I considered this, and rejected it completely. If she made me forget her, I'd have a hole in me, I was sure of this, and I'd never know why it was there, and it would tear me apart. I began writing:

Dear Nickie,

Even if I have to live the rest of my life knowing that I can never have you, I'd rather do this than have to live unable to remember you, to remember the woman I've fallen completely in love with. If you insist, I'll stop writing and attempt to move on, but I'll never stop loving you, and anyone else I'll ever meet in my life will pale in comparison.

Love always and forever,

Gary

I sent it and waited, but no reply came. I waited a while, but she didn't write back. The more I thought, the more that I decided that maybe I was being selfish, compelling her to agonize over my need for her. Maybe if I hadn't been so despondent over her, she would've been able to move on. I got up from the computer and found the sandwich I'd made earlier, completely forgotten. I ate it absently, getting a drink from the fridge, which was mostly empty. I'd need to go grocery shopping soon. I turned on the TV and tried unsuccessfully to lose myself in a movie. Still attempting, I fell into an uneasy sleep. I dreamed that Nickie was standing before me, her arms outstretched toward me. I ran to wrap my arms around her, but then she faded before I could reach her. Then she'd pop up somewhere else, so I tried again and again to reach her, but she always faded just before I could touch her. I screamed in frustration and grief, and shook myself awake, breathing heavily.

The next few days, I forced myself to go on, doing my best to move on, because she would want me to. It was tough, completely useless to try, but I did try anyway. I went to work, forced myself to concentrate, actually attempting to throw myself into my tasks just to keep from thinking about her. After work, I'd go home, watch movies or read, pointedly ignoring my computer. I still found myself thinking about her, though, wondering what she was doing, where she was, if she was thinking of me. I still wanted her. I shuffled off to bed, weary, beginning to hope I would go to sleep and never wake up again, if only to stop the pain. I lay in my bed, staring up at the ceiling, wishing I could be with her.

"You realize that, with my bond to you, I can hear you thinking whenever I want, right?" a voice spoke quietly next to me.

'This must be what it's like to lose my mind,' I thought a little flippantly, 'Now, at least, I get to hear her voice whenever I want.'

"How about you turn over?" she suggested.

I did so, and saw her lying on the bed next to me.

"Wow, this is the next best thing to actually having you here," I murmured, smiling faintly.

She reached out and touched my cheek, her fingers light and cool on my skin, and I shivered pleasantly.

"Hold me in your arms, Gary," she whispered, and I complied happily, astounded at how real she felt in my arms, how smooth her skin was, how wonderful she smelled, how lustrous her dark brown felt against my face. For a hallucination, she was quite solid.

"I am real," she whispered in my ear, "I'm really here, Gary. You haven't lost your mind... although an argument could be made, considering your eagerness to be with a woman who could lose control and kill you."

"You can't be real," I tried to keep my composure, "You said you can't be near me without wanting my blood."

"Even away from you, I still think about you constantly," she confessed, nuzzling against me, "I haven't felt like anything but an abomination since I died, until I met you. I've never felt anything like this, you know?"

"But what are we going to do?"

She pulled me up, bringing me to my feet, "Well, we'll start by bringing you home with me. Your apartment isn't prepared for me to stick around. Get dressed."

I did so, pulling on a pair of jeans and a shirt, and tugging on a pair of boots. She barely gave me time to lock up my apartment before she got on my bike, starting it on the first try. I got on behind her, holding on tightly as she accelerated. If my driving to the coffee shop this last time had been reckless, her driving was suicidal. Fortunately, her reflexes were astronomically sharp, and we arrived at her house in record time. I followed her in, still hardly daring to believe that all this was real, it was all happening so quickly.

She was kissing me so intensely before we were even through the door, shaking with her need, and I was ecstatic to feel how much she needed me, how complete I felt with her. We were shedding our clothes all the way into her bedroom, and, completely nude, I began oiling her as if nothing else on this world existed but her exquisite body under my hands. She submitted happily, and then we began kissing fervently, her hands stroking me. She sat astride me and guided me inside her, sighing with pleasure as I slid deeply into her. I wasn't sure how it was possible, but it seemed even better this time than the first, so well did we move together. I could feel her in my mind, anticipating my movements and responding in unison, even as I felt her vaginal muscles tighten as she moved closer to orgasm. I did my best to maintain myself as I thrust into her deeply, and she urged me on, except she was moaning too loudly to urge, but she was in my head, giving of herself, and then she reached climax, trembling, gasping, riding me helplessly.

She began to settle atop me, lying on my chest, her body still trembling as she calmed. When she had regained her breath, she slid down and took me in her mouth, her tongue caressing me as her lips sealed around my shaft. She sucked me hard and fast, but I was already close to the edge, and I groaned and thrust my hips forward. She took me in deep, and held me there while my seed spilled down her throat. When I was finished, she let go and moved up to snuggle in my arms. Instead of feeling groggy and sleepy, I felt supercharged, wide awake.

"That was even better than last time," Nickie declared.

I laughed a little, out of breath, "You're so amazing!"

"You weren't so bad, yourself," she giggled.

We made love again when I was ready, not so insistent this time. She pulled me atop her and wrapped her legs around my waist as I eased inside her, her body writhing perfection against mine. Before I knew it, daylight was coming. Of course, I only knew it when Nickie, sensing the coming sun, passed the information into my mind.

"Do me harder," she urged, "Give me all of you."

I brought her legs up against my chest, leaning forward and thrusting harder inside her, my hips almost slamming forward. She showed no signs of pain, only desire, already close to another orgasm. Luckily, so was I, and, as she reached climax, shuddering and clutching at me with wild abandon, I thrust one final time and released my seed deep inside her. Finally, as we coasted to a stop, she kissed me gently, her lips so soft against mine.

But, with the coming day, she was still insistent that I not sleep in the same bed with her.

"I still have no willpower when I sleep," she warned me, "But I'll wake you when the sun goes down."

"But... I have to go to work today," I rubbed my chin, still unable to look away from her.

"You don't need to work anymore."

"I can't just quit without a two week notice. Charlie Carrasco took a chance by hiring me, and I owe him at least that much."

She nodded, "I suppose, if you must. In that case, you'd better get some sleep, my love."

I dragged myself from her bed, kissing her one last time, and then went upstairs. There were no other beds in the house, but the living room had a nice, comfy sofa, and I was exhausted and completely happy.

I went to work that day, late, but better rested than I'd been in a while. After apologizing to Charlie for being late, I explained that Nickie had emailed, we had worked things out, and that I had spent the night at her house. I let him draw his own conclusions, and he was quite understanding.

"I'm glad for you," he grinned, "It's about time."

He was less happy that I was putting in my two-week notice, but he was still understanding, and glad I hadn't just quit.

"You know, if you change your mind," Charlie looked at me from across the desk, "I can keep a spot open for you. You're one of my better workers, and a good worker can be hard to come by."

I thanked him, "I'll let you know if my situation changes."

Meanwhile, after a very brief conversation where she asked me if I wanted to, and I said absolutely, I moved out of my apartment and moved into one of the spacious bedrooms on the second floor. I still couldn't sleep in her bed with her, at least not while she slept as well, as the threat was still too great, but I could live with that. Hell, I could live with sleeping on the floor in front of her bedroom door as long as it meant I could be with her. As it was, she had procured me a king-sized bed that was the most comfortable bed I've ever slept on, a cherry wood Chinese sleigh bed with intricate jade dragons on the head board and more jade trim along the sides. I'd never seen anything like it, and when I asked her, she simply shrugged.

"It's just something I had lying around," she spoke nonchalantly, and then added, "The mattress is new, though."

During the day, as she slept, so did I. I began to enjoy the night time more, the beauty of the moonlight as it painted the world in silver and black, the freshness of the night air. As most of the rest of the world slept, we roamed and strolled, with little bits of time where she went to hunt, assuring me that her victim would live. She seemed determined to set my mind at ease, to convince me that, despite what she was, she was no monster, only feeding to live. She wanted to make sure I knew that she could be a good person, but I'd already arrived at that decision at a point when she'd made such a big deal about taking even the smallest bit of my blood. I definitely learned my lesson on that one, and I never brought it up again. Frequently, I could see that it still crossed her mind, and I could usually tell when her thirst for me was prevalent. Around then, the irises of her eyes, usually a dark violent, would redden, and she'd start shivering. Unless we were making love, I would make myself scarce until she felt like she was more in control.

Unfortunately, over the next few months, the times when her thirst would come upon her increased, and there were times, when we were making love, that she'd open her eyes, and they'd be crimson, and I wasn't sure she could resist. I watched, not exactly afraid for myself, but for her, as it appeared as if her grip on humanity was at stake, and it only seemed to be getting worse for her. And, when I'd try to bring it up, approaching the subject as subtly as possible, she would duck the topic.

"We really need to talk about this," I insisted as we walked along a deserted path outside the city. The moon was down, and I couldn't really see her face, though I knew it by heart, as I had since we'd first met. She could see just fine by night, one of the perks, I guess.

"I can't..." she crossed her arms over her breasts, looking down, "Please, let's just enjoy the night, okay?"

"Then when?" I stopped, turning to her silhouette, "When can we bring this up? I'm worried about you, Nickie."

"You ought to be more worried for your own safety, but you don't seem to care a bit about it, and that worries me," she faced me.

I shrugged, "If I was really that worried about my own neck, I would've never spent that first evening with you. It's you I'm worried about."