Lucifer's Angel: Icing Ass

Hey, guys. How are you? I'm not doing so good today. The name is Luc Saint-Mathieu, by the way. I thought I knew who I was. I was born in the City of Versailles, France, to Ben Saint-Mathieu, a Haitian-American father and Marie Lalonde, a French mother. I grew up in the Camargue region of France, where my mother relocated to after the divorce. I've never felt like I belonged anywhere, and it wasn't just because I was a brown brat in a very white world. I knew that something inside of me was different, I just didn't know what. I knew that my destiny lay outside of France. That's why I ended up at Northeastern University in the City of Boston, Massachusetts. What happened there would change me forever.

I came to Boston mainly because I wanted to explore life outside of France but also because I wanted to connect to my father, Benjamin Saint-Mathieu. Dad was born and raised in Massachusetts to Haitian immigrant parents. And until recently, I only saw him in pictures or spoke to him on the phone. Now, I'm getting to know him better. My father works as a sergeant for the Massachusetts State Police. He's not the douche bag my mother led me to believe he was. I won't dwell upon the sordid details of what happened between them since their split. They're my parents and I love them both. For now, I'm exploring life in the City of Boston. It's a world-class town which I'm honestly starting to love.

If only that was all I was doing. I've got a full-time gig other than being an international student at Northeastern University. And it involves, shall we say, certain unnatural elements. You see, there are Angels all around us. Good ones and bad ones. They're just like you and me morally. However, they're different from us in every other way. For starters, Angels are Immortal. They can never die. Part of being spirit, I guess. Also, they have vast powers. In an undersea cave off the coast of Cape Cod, I came across the only Angel which the Powers That Be trapped. Lucifer Morningstar. The Dark Archangel. The Devil. The Adversary of God. The Enemy of Man. The legendary Prince of Darkness ( sorry Oz). He lives inside of me. You see, all Angels need a Host. What is a Host? It's a human body chosen for the Angels to inhabit while on the planet Earth. Otherwise they're powerless.

I thought I came across Lucifer's Essence in that underwater cave by accident but it turns out that my old mentor, Northeastern University professor Henderson Lawrence sent me there on purpose. Spelunking my ass. Professor Lawrence wasn't just some old white guy teaching at a world-class University. He was actually the Host of Baal, a particularly violent and destructive Angel and Lucifer's former minion. Something went wrong with Lawrence/Baal's plans. When an Angel takes over a human body, the Angel is in control and the human is basically trapped inside. In the case of a 'good' Angel, the Host will be released without permanent damage once the Angel's business on Earth is concluded. In the case of a 'bad' Angel, the human's body is enslaved. Dark Angels like walking around in human form. The 'good' Angels only acquire human bodies for missions on Earth and they promptly return to Heaven afterwards. It has been said that Dark Angels hold Dominion over the planet Earth so there are many of them walking around, looking like ordinary men and women.

Where was I? Oh, yeah. I was telling you about how something in me put a glitch in the Devil's plans. There is something in my blood which makes me a particularly difficult Host to possess. Hey, maybe I'm different from other people in ways that aren't obvious. My six-foot-one, 180-pound, caramel-skinned and hazel-eyed body is too hot for Satan. That has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? You see, instead of having Lucifer control my mind and body while the real me cowered in fright, the opposite happened. Lucifer is trapped inside of me. And I have access to his powers. Not all of them. I can do a lot of cool stuff, though. I can move objects with my mind, a power any geek worth his or her salt will recognize as Telekinesis. I can also walk through walls and any solid matter, really, by becoming Intangible. I can set things in fire with a thought or a mere glance, a power called Pyro-Kinesis. Also, like all Angels, I can't be shot, stabbed, burned, or poisoned. Once an Angel enters a person's body, that human being's body is Invulnerable for the duration of the Angel's presence inside him or her. All of these abilities manifested themselves within hours of Lucifer entering my mind and body. Sounds pretty cool, huh? Yeah. Try having a not-so dormant Lucifer wriggling around in your brain, tormenting you. The guy is sadistic and twisted like you would not believe. With an ego the size of Montana. And you thought you had issues!

All of these issues are complicating my life. There are tens of thousands of Angels walking around the globe. Some of them want me to lead them to total domination of the planet. Others want to kill me. Like this supremely hot chick named Megan Haworth. You should see her, man. Five feet eleven inches tall, slim and fit, with long blonde hair and pale blue eyes. I've done my homework on her. Megan Haworth is a native of metropolitan Hartford, Connecticut. She is studying business administration at Harvard University, mere minutes from the Northeastern University campus. Oh, and she's got a Black Belt in Karate. We went out a few times. I thought she liked me but after two months, she stopped returning my calls. I guess I don't do it for her, huh? Whatever. Plenty of fish in the sea and all that. That's not what worries me, though. Megan Haworth has recently become the Host of the Archangel Michael. The Champion of Heaven. The Leader of God's Army. I'm worried. And even worse, deep inside of me, Lucifer Morningstar is close to hitting the panic button.

You see, the Archangel Michael is the only being in the Universe who can kick Lucifer's ass. And he's done it before. Thousands of years ago, Lucifer Morningstar and his Angels came to Earth after losing the War in Heaven. The Archangel Michael and his Army hunted them down and threw them down into Hell. Lucifer managed to narrowly escape capture. He sealed himself inside that underwater cave, having shed some of his Angelic might and muted down his Essence, thus cloaking himself from Heaven's Warriors and Hell's Minions. Yeah, it doesn't take a genius to figure out that Lucifer is scared of the Archangel Michael. The best warriors in Heaven's Army want to take Lucifer down to prevent him from unifying the Fallen Angels and bringing about the End of the World. And the best way to do that? Destroy Lucifer's Host Body and render him powerless. Um, that's not okay by me because I am Lucifer's Host Body! I'm not going down without a fight.

So, here I am, on the run from the good guys and the bad guys. Oh, and they're led by Michael, an Angelic entity of absolute power housed in the body of my ex-girlfriend Megan. No big deal. Nothing a stud like me can't figure out a way to get around. Lucifer is bugging me to let him take over. He claims that with him in control, we stand a better chance of surviving. I am not giving in to him. Not a chance in hell. The last thing I want to do is let Lucifer walk free with him as the puppet master and my mind/body as his puppet. I am tired of him whining like a little bitch, though. Sometimes, I goad him while he howls at me. I remind him that he's scared of Michael, which he denies, while I'm not scared of the Archangel because I never met him. And I don't think anybody is invincible. If Michael comes and tries to take me down, I'm going to do what I've done in most of the fights I've gotten into in this lifetime. I'm going to kick his ass. You heard it here first. Wish me luck, ladies and gentlemen.