"Hey guys its ya boi Zeke with another episode of Crits and Giggles. I've got Bombglitter with me co hosting tonight, and we're going to be talking about a popular topic that has been going around the tabletop and fantasy genres a lot lately."
"Bombglitter here, shout out to all my Glitz and Glammerz from my channel Rogue Fashion where I do all my own cosplay and dungeon glam fashion videos. It's great being back on C & G talking about the genres that inspire all the cool stuff we do."
Lit up on the screen were two avatars against the Crits and Giggles banner, with an artistically drawn fantasy map for a background. Zeke's avatar was a two dimensional burly orc in spiked armor holding a mug that read 'World's Best DM'. Bombglitter's avatar was an emotive three dimensional render of an anime girl. She wore a large set of plate armor that still inexplicably shaped to her avatar's curvaceous figure, which was a match to the real cosplay she'd done on her own channel.
"Cool, let's jump into it with a topic that's been the hot rumor in the tabletop scene lately. We all know that in any good game has dungeons to explore, loot, and fight since the dawn of D 20. Apparently however, people have been seeing weird signs across the internet suggesting that maybe there's a real one?" Zeke's excitement tapered into skepticism, ending on a questioning note for Bombglitter to pick up.
"Ooh, right into it. Everyone seems to be talking about it now. It started with a few forum posts here and there, people taking screen shots of images suggesting that a real life dungeon might actually exist somewhere. Apparently the clues could pop up anywhere, and if you didn't grab a screen shot or take a picture you'd never see it again."
"I remember when that first started up, my inbox was nothing but terrible photoshop pictures. We're talking stock image level bad. At first I figured it'd just be a passing trend, but it's become it's own niche in the hobby now. Dungeon Prep. Crazy how far nerd culture has come."
"I know you're on the skeptical side, but the evidence some of the Dungeon Delvers have come up with are surprisingly legit. They've even been able to line up a few disappearances that match sightings of people in the area! And before you say 'Uhn, lots of people probably disappear for completely normal reasons', some of the ones that went missing were big into the fantasy genre. Exactly the type of people that would go exploring a dungeon!"
Zeke chuckled and his avatar shifted to give the orc an amused emote. "Alright alright, I do think there's more to this Dungeon talk that meets the eye. I'm more interested in the unique fantasy it inspired. Preppers making delving kits, guides on dealing with undead hordes, goblin swarms, labyrinth minotaurs. Applying reality to fantasy in a survival setting."
"Who wouldn't want to live out their fantasy of going into a dungeon and coming out a rich badass? Though I'm pretty sure a lot of dudes would straight up just die. RPG characters have heroic stats for a reason, so if you do think you might end up in a dungeon, a gym membership could save your life people!"
The two streamers chuckled and bantered back and forth for a few moments longer before the screen went black. The phone's battery had already been dead for ages, but with Lug's growing mastery over electricity magic they'd been able to trickle in enough to experiment. As it had happened, Hogarth had a few streams about the Dungeon downloaded to his phone.
The girls were enchanted instantly. The first flicker of life in the device had been enough to help Lug relax the self imposed taboo of using magic she deemed 'dangerous'. They only dared to charge it a little for fear of burning it out entirely, but it wasn't long before his phone was full of new pictures and every video had been watched several times over.
"Alright, I think that's a sign we've watched enough for one day." Hogarth gave the little woman in his arms a gentle squeeze around the middle. The unsatisfied raspberry she answered with made him chuckle. Setting the phone down on the cot, she squirmed from atop him and stood to stretch.
"Can't help it, I like it. Zeke's nice to Bombglitter and listens to her, even though he's bigger. I like her pretty clothes too. I wish I had pretty clothes." The porcine ears of the small woman drooped just a little as she considered her own attire. By cosplayer standards they fit with a barbarian tribe's aesthetics perfectly. Her plump figure certainly filled out the hide tunic and loincloth, but rat hide paled in comparison with the pictures of Bombglitter's sexiest cosplay outfits. Which was an appreciation for her artistic talent as a cosplayer, if the question ever came up of why he had a folder dedicated to them.
The sight of her bottom lip poking out in a thoughtful frown made Hogarth's chest lurch in response. Sitting upright, he reached out and caught Lug's cheek in his palm to gently lift her gaze to meet his. "You look pretty in everything, but when we get the chance, we'll get all the clothes you could want. Women where I'm from have lots of clothes. You will too. Eventually." He admitted the last part with a rueful grin.
Lug lit up with a shy smile, her cheeks flushing as she met his gaze then looked away. "Oookay." She nuzzled into his touch as he slowly withdrew his hand, thumb brushing her lip tenderly before settling at his side. With her mood instantly improved, she stood up and gave his knees a gentle pat. "You want something to eat before we go delving, my guy?"
Hogarth nodded, grinning in unspoken amusement. "Sure, I'd love something my gal." At some point Lug had come to the conclusion the streamers had been a couple, and the use of 'my guy' was one of the ways to show it. So naturally she'd adopted the phrase accordingly. The way she spoke it with such utter affection made him abandon the old usage entirely.
Eager to please, Lug walked briskly off into the kitchen. Hogarth watched her disappear into the other room as he stood and stretched. He started with a normal twist and reach, then willed himself into a proper warm up routine.
It had been roughly a month since dealing with rathulhu, the tentacled molerat-like monster that reigned over the corridors beneath the dorms. With the collapse of the rat warren in the aftermath, the giant rodents had diminished considerably. It was good because the twisting ways became a little safer to explore, but bad because once again, their source of animal protein had taken a hit. He'd never thought he'd regret the loss of rodent meat, but here he was. Wishing they weren't out of rat meat.
When Lug returned she held a wicker basket filled with roasted mushrooms and sliced up turnip chips. She was followed by Runa, the green dryad carrying a clay jar filled with a mixture of her own design. She was preparing for the excursion in her own way, already dressed in a leather tunic and studded skirt that was sewn both with strong fibers, but also bound in place to her body with vines as strong as iron. Long green legs and slender arms were left exposed, but as she applied the mixture over her skin that began to change. Thick bark emerged from the skin, molding to her body like skin tight plate armor.
Sitting back down to eat, Hogarth and Lug watched in fascination as their floral friend slowly transformed from lithe tree spirit to battle ready woodland warrior. If only they had been in a forest.
