Chapter 17:
True Love and the Son of Hermes and Aphrodite
Gwendolyn~
If you asked us if we had loved Sean at first sight, the answer would be no. I think. Maybe. For Evangeline anyways. She actually really only liked him when he was acting. We met him role playing, you see. Yes, we were geeks. Well, I was. I loved the theater as a kid and when I grew out of high school plays and community theater, and moved to a small Pacific Northwest town that lacked such amenities, I sank my theatrical energies into live action role playing... and it was my secret way of letting Evangeline out to control things for a time when she could be herself completely and no one wondered about our obvious character differences... I was just "in character" and "acting". It was better to let her drive, anyhow... every time we let me be the driving force in games, our characters got killed! She was way better at being sneaky and street-smart than I was. I was better at getting people to trust us and making friends. We were a team.
And when it came to our love life, I'd gotten us into a bad situation the first time. Evvy knew I liked the boy, so she had backed away to let me have the illusion of alone time. When she was aware again, I was in tears trying to figure out what I had done wrong... he was right, wasn't he? If I asked him over it HAD to mean I'd secretly wanted it... right? I should stop pretending I was a "good" girl... because I wouldn't be anymore. Not after he took my virginity on the living room floor.
After that, Evangeline took over when it came to dating. We mostly avoided men and when we did let them physically near, we never let them emotionally near.
Until Sean. We met him when he was pretending to be a very stern, almost angry vampire in a game we met at. His stern, cold, emotionless glare made Evangeline wet. I never understood why. The low tone of his voice, like a soft growl, made her heart skip. But when the game was over and we met the man behind his fearsome facade, I couldn't have been more elated and intrigued at this warm, sweet, funny, strong, yet delightfully nerdy man I discovered. He had made his character everything he was not. Evangeline was miserable when she realized the likelihood that those fierce eyes would be ever be on hers in the bedroom was slim. She felt it was all a lie. For me... I didn't care. He was... perfect.
So began the awkward Thruple that was us. Sean didn't often acknowledge Evangeline and she rarely spoke directly to him. He took amazing care of us, and that was all Evvy really cared about in the long run. That, and to her own surprise, over the years, she had found herself wrong about that gaze that had once made her weak in the knees... like the two of us, that character he made may have been opposite his usual nature but its essence was not absent from his soul. He could be quite wicked and predatory in the bedroom and I think even Evangeline enjoyed him as much as I, though she would be loathe to admit it. Still, it was rare the we coaxed that feral side out of him, and for many years, I knew Evangeline harbored more than a little resentment that I had my soulmate, but she felt adrift.
I never imagined there would even be a moment's hesitation from her when asking if we wanted apart, and I was surprised. I have to be honest, she gave me genuine pause. I would have thought for her the answer would be simple. But as I listened to her -our- mind rapidly spin through a million thoughts and emotions, too caught up in confusion to even try to keep me out, I felt genuinely touched and saddened at the same time.
*You deserve your own life, sister.* I thought to her at the time, closing my eyes to better concentrate.
*But Sean... our little holy terror...* I felt our heart break at the idea of leaving our child. It surprised me, because Evangeline had always seen her as belonging to Sean and me... as though her body was not involved at all.
*She will always be ours... and having two mothers isn't exactly shocking these days.* I had tried to project a genuine feeling of warmth and inclusivity. We had been closer than sisters. We had been one person. There would always be a place for me in her home and hers in mine, I had no doubt.
When we first started discussing what it would take to make this a reality, the idea of us being disjoined, my own feeling on the matter seemed set in stone. I assumed I would still be me, have Sean and the kidlet and that it was Evangeline who would become a separate entity. I guess because my name was the legal one, I never considered being sundered would leave me in a body not my own. Different, somehow. Lacking. Hollow. Soulless.
When I opened my eyes, I saw a black cat slithering around my ankles as I sat up in bed, breathing hard. My heart was pounding in my chest and I was gulping air as if I had been drowning in the nightmare.
"Gwenny?" Sean sat up, his hair a riot of silver-tinged brown curls, looking alert and sleepy at the same time. His hand touched my shoulder and he immediately drew me down into his arms as I trembled. "What is it, love?"
Tears pooled on my lower lashes and I shook my head wordlessly. I couldn't give words to the fear. My long red hair fell over my breasts and he just kissed my forehead gently. I didn't need to tell him. I never needed to say anything. He just knew.
Holding me closely, he wrapped his arms around mine. "Do you want me to let you reach out to Him?" He asked softly. "You know I don't mind, if it's what you need."
Sean was amazing. Always too kind and understanding. He glanced down at the ball of black fur at the foot of the bed with an arched brow. "I thought you were supposed to keep the nightmares away?" The black cat sneezed eloquently in his direction, hopped off the bed and exited the large master bedroom, swishing his tail in defiance.
"No," I said softly, pulling Sean back down to me. "It's the middle of the night and I am not kicking you out of bed." Sean raised one arm out of bed and squinted at his watch as it lit up in a digital glow proclaiming the time to be nearly four in the morning. "I will just head into work early," he said.
"No," I protested again, drawling his arm back down. "I'm sorry I woke you, let's just..."
"Love." He leaned in and kissed me softly, and I wrapped my arms around him, kissing back almost desperately. If he just kissed me, maybe I wouldn't feel so empty...
But his hands framed my face gently, and he swept my hair away from my cheeks and looked deeply into my blue-green eyes.
