I Love Luci

(Authors note: Trigger Warning. Graphic sexual content, violence, rape. Read at own risk.)

Chapter 15: Crisis of Faith

"Come back to me, my little hedonist." His voice was the smooth rich flavor of mulled wine as it slid down my body as I opened my eyes and truly focused for the first time in what felt like days. Lucifer was wearing my favorite face; that of British actor Tom Ellis, even though I knew that was not his real face, it made me smile. It was a very pretty face, I reasoned. But, something seemed odd. "There's my girl."

"Lucifer?" My voice was raw and little shaky. I was sore and achy all over and hyperaroused to a level that I couldn't ever recall being before. "What's happened to me?" I tried to keep my voice from shaking, my brain giving me images of being bent down before the inhuman body of a bull-headed creature. It felt like some depraved sex dream.

"It wasn't," he said seriously, reading my mind. For the first time, knowing that he could calmed me. It was good to not to have to explain the chaos in my head. "Dionysus came to see to you on my request. I wasn't sure how much of your humanity or even your control would remain once you set foot here. You are the sort of priestess that fertility deities would go to war for."

"And are they?" I felt lucid enough to be worried. "Going to go to war over me?"

"Not at the moment. We have struck an accord." He wasn't coming closer. He wasn't touching me. He wasn't changing into his usual face that he wore for me. He wouldn't meet my eyes. Something inside me broke a little at his cold indifference. "It is hardly indifference," he said, his eyes narrowing a bit, and his lip curling. "It is path we must now follow should we wish to remain as we are. For you to be safe." He dragged me roughly to him, my overly volumptuous, nude curves against the expensive cloth of the custom suit he wore. I could feel his erection, but he looked so frigid, despite the heat emanating from his body. I struggled in his arms a little, uncertain how to read this new, colder, dangerous feeling Lucifer.

"Hey, Luci," I said with fractured nonchalance and an awkward smile. "Hey, what's this all about, huh?" I pulled a little on the vice his arms made around me. "Lucifer..."

"You are so trusting," he said almost sadly, his fingertips caressing my face as he held me immobile to him. His sapphire eyes wandered over my features as if he might need to memorize them, as if this might be the final moment he got to behold me. "So innocent," his lips twisted almost cruelly, as he gripped my jaw in his hands and looked deep into my wide, frightened eyes, his own full with a loathing that seemed directed both at myself and yet turned disturbingly inwards, as he ran his hand from my jawbone to my throat. "You always forget that you summoned the Devil himself, Gwendolyn," he chided sadly. "That you called him to your bedroom, into your circle, and you offered him your body. Freely. Willingly. Were you Christian or Jewish you would spend an eternity in my tender care for these choices. You would sacrifice your eternal soul for just a little pleasure..."

I didn't recoil from him, but I was so confused at this sudden shift of character. "Lucifer... you know I don't believe all the propaganda about you," I reminded him.

"You don't have to believe in the Devil," he said, squeezing almost too tight on my neck. I struggled to breathe under his pressing fingers. "He believes in you."

"Does he?" I felt myself shift mentally as the part of me that protected my heart came to the surface, like a roaring fire behind my stormy grey-green eyes. Evangeline's eyes. "Then look me in the eye and trust me to understand what is wrong."

"When you deal with celestials, little witch, knowledge is not freely granted you. You must earn it. He smiled in gentle reproof, all charm and British poise courtesy of his borrowed face. It the warmth never touched his glacial gaze. "You have tried to stuff me into your safe, secure little box and somewhere along the line, I let you wrap me around your little finger. And I am losing my hold on my world, my very throne, because I let my fascination for you cloud my better judgement."

"Lucifer, you hold all the cards here." I reminded him. "You know I adore you. We adore you," I pleaded and deliberately chosen to fade and let Ev try to make him see reason and make sense, because I was clueless. "You're all but a God. You can do anything. If you are trying to prove to me that I mean nothing to you by terrifying us, well... message received. I'm sorry that I have become such an inconvenience for you. I didn't choose this. You came to us. You offered the deal. You chose to break the rules. What do you want from us?" I narrowed my eyes and looked at him without a hint of mercy, grateful Gwen has given me full control. I sensed darkness ahead. "You want to scare me? You wanna prove you could smite us on a whim? Fine. Do it ... and you are no better that what they try to make you, Christ's followers. You're choosing to be a demon, not a man."

"Yes," he growled, and his body changed, his hands never letting me go. He grew, his image shimmering, his flesh tone deepening to red and large, black horns rising from his head. He reminded me of The Darkness from "Legend". Tim Curry had been scary as hell to us as a young child, and strangely, dangerously erotic at the same time, standing on his massive cloven haunches. I remembered how his deep, guttural, bass growl had made my pussy wet even before I knew what that feeling was or what it was all for. This version however, had massive red leathery wings rising from his back as he dragged me to his solid body, more muscle and sinew than any human body I had ever seen or touched. "I do have all the power here, little girl. And I could reduce you to a stain on this hay covered floor. And yet you still imagine me taking your tiny body on mine, fantasize at how I might take you, even hurt you. Do you have no self-preservation, Evangeline?" He looked genuinely upset. And I was pleased he knew to whom he spoke even as a thrill of fear ran up my spine.

I pressed my body forward to his, clad only in a leather loin cloth and leather harness across his bare, red, muscled chest. I raised my face and offered my mouth to his dark lips, eying the elongated animal canines as a slow smile slid over his face. "I could very well violate you, woman."

"Corrupt me?" I tossed my red hair back and bared my neck and shoulders to his gaze as I arched an almost contemptuous brow. How dare he try to intimidate us? "Turn me into a whore for Satan?" I smiled as he took a little step back. It wasn't much. But it was enough to give me courage. "Is that what you fear? We were corrupted decades ago, Lucifer. It just wasn't by you. I play the shy innocent when it suits me, but there is nothing in my heart that you can touch because I do not grant you that power. Things only have the power you give them, Lucifer, and I grant you none save that I give willingly, freely, without strings, or desire for recompense. Because that is love, you foolish man. To love someone even when they are a monster. Because if you really loved someone, you could never harm them. And I think you love me, Lucifer Moringstar. I think you love me and it scares the shit out of you. And if you love me, you will know that I choose to give you my love... but not my life. I gave that to my family -- to Sean -- a long time ago. I have the heart to hold and keep even your love, but I am not breaking my vows for anyone. So, scare me all you want. But if you want me... all you have to do is ask." He turned so suddenly from me, I almost lost my balance. He let out a frustrated snarl.

"Damnit, Evangeline!" He cried to the heavens. "Stop seeing this fantasy of a good man and see me for who and what I am!"

I waited for him to stop raving and then crossed the distance he had placed between us. I reached up and touched his monstrous face, and quoted our favorite line from ALW's "Phantom of the Opera": "Pitiful creature of darkness... what kind of life have you known?" I smiled into his disbelieving flame-red eyes and leaned forward to kiss him softly and paraphrased the rest: "Goddess give me courage to show you that you're not alone."

I kissed that monstrous mouth as gently and fearlessly as I could, putting all of my desire, love, compassion, and faith into that motion, pouring myself into the act, allowing every molecule of my energy suffuse us both. When I caught him staring at me in wonderment, I merely smiled and crawled into the large feather mattress that was still waiting on Hathor's barn floor. I deliberately moved slow, letting him see every inch of me as I moved, showing my body to it's best advantage, being certain to show him how wet I still was despite he royal fucking that Dionysus had given Gwen earlier. I let my upper body dip a little and display my massive, milk baring breasts as I moved for him, my eyes never leaving his flame-illuminated irises as I moved on all fours like a cat in heat before him, my lips open and wet, showing him through every way I could think of that I wanted him, as inhuman as he as currently appearing to me, for whatever reason he was trying to hurt me, to whatever ends this road would lead us on... I was all in. I cared for him. There had to be something more for him than being pigeon-holed it this shell of a world destroying monster. I saw the... dare I say it? ... the humanity in him.

"And that is where you underestimate me." He took two steps toward me and pinned me without a second thought, his long, black taloned fingers making dangerous red-filled scratches down my body, drawing blood with the effectiveness of a scalpel. I hissed in a breath from the pain as he crawled over my body, his larger frame immobilizing me easily, bruising my wrists with this weight atop me. "You keep thinking you can change an evil as old as the earth itself, woman. And that is where you are so very, very wrong."

"You can't rape the willing." I said it with more conviction than I felt.

"Can't you?" He asked, kissing me hard, his sharp canines cutting my full bottom lip and he drew the bleeding bit of skin into his mouth, suckling the metallic fluid from it, sesmingly feeling hungry for me in more ways than one. I felt my eyes grow wide as he tore away the bit of fabric between his cock and me... and waited. Intimidating didn't cover it. His massive, thick, red yet oddly blue-veined cock jutted from between his muscular thighs. "Does that tiny cunt of yours have room for all of this?" he taunted, sliding the tip of the fat crimson head over my swollen damp nether lips and then rubbing my clit enticingly with the tip. I couldn't lie; I was genuinely worried he would tear me in two. I shook and closed my eyes, trying to sound calm and reasonable.

"Luci, please—"

"It's too late, girl. Far too late." He thrust his rigid length into my wet quim with no prep or preable and I screamed. I knew he tore me. As wet and heated as I had been the pain brought me around quickly. I clung to him, unable to believe the pain I had experienced at his hands. He wrapped his black-taloned hand around my throat, pressing their sharp tipped fingers into my flesh, suppressing my breathing. He continued to thrust into me, his eyes dark and cold. "I could take you from them all," he grunted. "I am more powerful than any of them ever gave me credit for. I could drag you to hell and what I would do to you wouldn't begin to compare with your darkest nightmare."

But even as he said it, I could see something break in him. I could see the realization cloud his eyes as he looked at our bodies, and saw the conflict fill him and fill his eyes with tears. He'd hurt his girl. Gwen, his sweet innocent firecracker of a woman... tears were running from our eyes as I lay still beneath him. Evangeline, his willful paragon of truth and justice... he had hurt my lovely body, and attempted to make himself a monster in my eyes. Why wasn't I fighting him? Was I so scared now I could do nothing but lie there as he molested me with his huge, demonic cock? Don't ask me how I saw the thoughts with the ease he seemed to have when he wanted to read my mind. I have no idea; but he seemed to not see my mind at all, and I was swimming in the darkest parts of his. Because some part of him had enjoyed hurting me, making me scream. The question was whether that part was larger than the part of him that I knew was curling up and dying inside for that very same act. He was struggling, realizing our connection. There was something he wouldn't... couldn't... tell me. Something driving this.

I did the only thing I could think of to correct the course of this small battle of wills... I began to move my curvaceous hips and shifted underneath him. And even though he had hurt me, I was looking up at him, my cheeks damp with tears as I raised my legs and wrapped them around his hips. "As I said," I panted and winced with a pained grin. "Luci, you're stretching my cunt out. I am sure you tore me a little..." I moaned and rolled my hips against him, stunning him dumb. For a moment, he was stone still, and when he moved again, it was with the alacrity of the possessed.

He slammed his hands over my wrists and yanked them over my head, pinning me, as he leaned forward, pressing his massive body into my much smaller one and his voice crept into my mind, clouding my vision with images evoked by his words. "I see you chained to a wall in my court, little one. Nothing but meat for myself and my demons. I could have your limbs severed... all your teeth removed... for let us be plain, your hands and legs are merely incidental. Your teeth a barrier to your mouth and throat. All we need is your holes and tongue. And you would spend eternity serving the cocks of my legion. If they wanted your cunt, they can mount your limbless torso at will. Turn you and use your ass until it's ruined. Cum down your throat, over your face and the rest of your otherwise useless, nameless fuckmeat."

I swallowed hard against the terror. I heard it in his voice... this wasn't a new fantasy. And it was all I could do not to give into the nausea his words evoked.

Perhaps it was all the healing energy of Hathor's realm. Maybe it was magick, but the pain subsided soon after and I felt my body adjusting, healing, accepting his monstrous girth and length, though it was on the ragged edge of pain as he slid his body into mine. "This is the hatred of you taking. This is the fear others have about who you are. They do not define you, Lucifer Morningstar," I told him and kissed his demonic mouth gently, pressing all my love, light and goodness into him by my very will. "You decide who you want to be. God may not have given angels free will but you changed that. You made a choice to fall. And you can choose to kiss me, or kill me. No one but you decides. But I have faith my Lucifer will pick pleasure over pain when pressed." I wrapped him in my arms and clung to him as if he were the only lifeline in the world, willing him to feel my love for him, to see it's purity.

I was grateful that my eyes were closed when he changed again and the brilliance of his angelic form would have blinded anyone looking in. I kept them closed as I felt his body change even while inside and above me. When the light dimmed and I raised my lashes once more, the face above me was new... and heartbreakingly beautiful. A strong handsome face but touched with a softness that made it strangely androgynous. Soft, sun pale fair hair fell to his shoulders but his eyes.... They were those singular blue that she could never mistake as belonging to anything human, gemlike and deep. His wings were massive, wide and seemed to shine with an inner light that haloed him.

"This is my Lucifer," I told him, touching his achingly beautiful face as I beheld him above me. "This is my angel, my demon, my lover." I pulled him down to kiss his mouth. "I know all that you are, have been and may one day be. I also know that you could be, if you were allowed to choose."

"You put too much faith in me," he said softly, his voice like a soft, delicate song. But he stroked my face and his own brimmed with tears.

"You don't give yourself enough," I retorted. "Now, my lord, please... take me. Take me as you have been wanting to, even the ways that scared you to try with me. Show me... show me everything."