Hi all! Annabelle Hawthorne here with my latest installment of "Let's lewd Christmas together!"
New reader? Hello and welcome! This story is on its sixth book, so you'll wanna pop back about 80+ chapters and start at the beginning.
Returning reader? Welcome back! Despite my busy schedule, I'm still going strong and keeping this wacky tale coming, despite my real life trying to gobble up my free time (seriously, why can't my appliances break down, like, never?).
I rely pretty hard on both my beta readers and TJ Skywind (check out Starlight Gleaming here on Lit!) to keep me out of trouble. I don't know that I could do this kind of release schedule without their help, especially in terms of keeping the drafts relatively error free. As one of my Mikes (yes, somehow I have 3 beta readers named Mike) likes to point out, I usually have a word of the month I overuse.
I also rely on you, the readers, to make sure this story catches attention. A lot of recent readers have only found it because you all remember to leave stars and make comments. So if you've ever taken the time to do that, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Please make sure to do the same for any other authors you like here on Lit, it's an easy way to support them!
Okay, public service announcement over. It's time to tune in to
Cat Radio
"C'mon." Kisa pushed the grate out of the way and squeezed through the tiny opening. She crawled forward on her belly and stood to discover that they were in a storage room full of wrapping paper. Turning around, she grabbed Holly by the wrists to pull her through. Holly sat down against the wall while Kisa helped Tink. The goblin grumbled when her horns caught on the edge of the grate, then swore when she fell on her face.
The openings in the heating system were typically small, which meant it had taken some time to find one big enough for them to squeeze through. They had walked for several hours, all tied together by the garland around their waists to keep from getting split up. On more than a couple occasions, one of them had fallen in a hole that hadn't existed for the others, or turned down a brand new hallway that opened up without warning. Eventually, Tink's goggles had tracked airflow and she led them to an exit big enough for the three of them to fit through.
"Tink tired of fucking vents," she declared, then stood and brushed off her dress. "Husband big lost, need better strategy."
"Agreed." Kisa frowned at the vent, then closed her eyes. They had tried to find Mike, but his location kept shifting all over the place. Sometimes Kisa could sense that he was close by, but then he would shift away as if teleported. The trio had made slow progress, and Holly's only contribution had been her presence. The elf had been silent the entire time, staring at her feet as they walked.
Tink stuck her head back in the vent and looked around, her nostrils flaring. "Husband wait for Tink!" she hollered, then backed out. "Stupid fucking furnace," she muttered and flopped down on the ground. "Tummy hurt. Big hungry."
At hearing these words, Holly flinched, then reached into the pack around her waist and pulled out a handful of cookies. They were sugar cookies shaped like bells, wreaths and candy canes that had been decorated with white frosting and colored sugar crystals. She handed them wordlessly to Tink, then sat down against the wall.
"No make Tink forget?" the goblin asked warily. "Tink no like memory cookies."
Holly shook her head. "They're magic, but they don't make you forget," she said, then took another one from her pouch. She took a bite to show that they were safe. "I've got plenty, but a couple should fill you right up. I have them for long missions away from home, human food isn't really good for elves. Too much salt."
Tink handed Kisa a couple, then ate the rest all at once. Her dress was soon adorned with cookie crumbs, which she meticulously picked up and stuffed into her mouth.
"So are you ready to talk?" Kisa took a bite of the candy cane cookie and moaned. It was the most fantastic thing she had ever tasted, filling her mouth with buttery richness and just a hint of peppermint.
Holly sighed, then wrapped her arms around her legs. "What do you know about Santa?" she asked.
"Beard. Fat. Red suit." Tink listed these off, her mouth still full of cookie crumbs. A few fell out, and she picked up the crumbs and dutifully tucked them back in her mouth.
"He's much more than that." Holly looked back at the vents. "The human world only sees what it wants to, which has always been a double edged sword."
"What do you mean?" Kisa took another bite and fought back the wave of culinary pleasure that rushed through her. If she got a chance, she was taking some of these home with her after this was all over.
"He didn't always use to be the way he is. Santa, he adapts, you know?" Holly stood and turned toward the wall. She pulled a marker from her pack and started drawing on the wall. When she stepped away, she had drawn a man in robes and a tall hat. "This was how people saw Santa in the beginning. Just a simple man with a desire for generosity. He was called Saint Nicholas back then, and he performed miracles and a great many deeds. His legends grew until he did something that all mortals eventually do--he died."
"Doesn't seem dead to me," Kisa said. "Not that I've met him, but we're at the North Pole. Clearly he still exists."
The elf nodded, then drew a picture of a jolly Santa, complete with hat and a giant belly. "There's an entire story between these two pictures," she explained as she capped the marker. "One that nobody ever gets to hear, not even most of the elves."
"What's he hiding?" Kisa asked. "You make it sound so ominous."
Holly scowled, then nodded to herself. "He has a secret, a very big one. Allie told it to me a long time ago, but only because I get to leave the North Pole." She turned back toward the drawings and tapped on the saint first, then Santa. "Hundreds of years is plenty of time for one man to go from this to this. You would think that a man who gives gifts to children would be universally lauded, but that isn't so. He's had his share of enemies over the years."
"Tink have enemies, too." The goblin walked over to Holly and stuck her hand in Holly's pack. "Still hungry, maybe two more cookies."
Holly swatted Tink away and then handed her a couple more. "I'll run out eventually, especially if you keep eating them so fast."
"Tink, here." Kisa had gotten full after eating just one of her cookies, so gave her spare to the goblin. "So, anyway, Santa's enemies?"
"Right." Holly looked back at the wall. "Um, where was I? Oh, yes. So before most of the elves were here, the North Pole was...very different. I'm fuzzy on those details, but it's important to know that Saint Nicholas found this place long before he became Santa Claus. He and the first elf started making toys for little kids, but it was more than that. When he took the place over, some of the locals didn't take too kindly to it. Battles were fought, long affairs that stained the North Pole in blood."
"Santa wear red coat to avoid cleaning bill," Tink added knowingly.
"No, he didn't! Eat your darn cookies." Holly scowled at Tink for a moment, then looked back at Kisa. "I don't know the full details on the fights, and even less about why he came to the North Pole in the first place. Alabaster was one of the first elves here, and is one of the most trusted. He knows practically everything, but tells nobody. Outside of the big secret, I only know so much of this extra stuff because I've been around Allie when he's had too much eggnog and he's spilled some details on occasion."
"Hehe, eggnog." Tink smiled. "Tink like magic eggnog."
Holly ignored Tink. "So the big secret is this: Santa is powered by belief. If you could convince everyone in the world that the big man didn't exist, he would simply cease to be."
"That...wait, how is he powered by belief?"
Holly tapped on the picture of Saint Nicholas. "Some time after Saint Nicholas came here, he died, and then was resurrected. Nobody is sure of the mechanism itself, but he's essentially immortal. Immortality always comes with a hefty price, and his is that he will only exist as the world sees him. It's why Allie wants me to pay attention to how the world sees him, it's to brace for any changes we may experience on our end."
"Hold up." Kisa held up her hands, a stray memory floating through her head. It was rare to remember anything new from her time before the house, so she latched onto it with enthusiasm. "I think I remember something from when I was little. I saw a picture of a black Santa and asked...someone how that was possible. They explained something about how Santa can be black, or white, or Japanese, depending on the child."
Holly tapped her nose for emphasis. "Exactly. Before that soda ad campaign, he was much more diverse in appearance. White robes one day, red the next, was a bit of a toss up. When he's not visiting with a child, he reverts to the overall public perception, which is currently a jolly fat man with a beard in a red coat."
"So if everyone believed Santa was a woman, he would become one?" Kisa asked.
Tink laughed. "Santa make own milk for her cookies!" she declared, then mimed squirting milk from her boobs and catching it on her own tongue.
"Ugh." Holly looked away from the goblin, her cheeks brightening. "But yes, it could happen. Which brings me back to those battles. If Santa had become a warrior for the sake of survival, it would have changed him at a fundamental level. Anything he does becomes a part of his image, which then becomes a part of who he is. I believe the human term is 'doubling down'."
"So if he became a killer..." Kisa pondered the possibilities, imagining a psychotic Santa Claus who murdered his way across the North Pole and then headed south for more victims.
"Precisely. I think you understand." Holly drew a quick picture of a devil on the wall. "Which brings me to the Krampus. A demon from the deepest pits. Nobody knows how it happened, but Santa enslaved this creature to do all his fighting for him. It helped protect his image and win the battle for the North Pole."
"Tink hear of Krampus." The goblin's ears perked up. "Tink remember tales of Krampus from childhood. Be good, or Krampus eat you!"
Kisa looked at Tink with curiosity. To her knowledge, Tink had never brought up her own childhood.
"Sounds right," Holly added. "The Krampus is a mean old thing who believes in punishing bad children instead of rewarding good ones. After so many of these fights, Santa and Krampus came out on top. Once the North Pole was safe again, Santa locked the Krampus away. He couldn't let the demon interfere with Christmas."
"So do you think the Krampus escaped?" Kisa asked.
"Oh, no doubt, he's out, he has to be. Some things make more sense now. Allie slowed him down while we escaped into the furnace. He would have gotten us all, otherwise."
