Hi all! Annabelle Hawthorne is back!
The year is 2022 and we're gonna keep that Christmas spirit alive with a trip to the North Pole! I am sure absolutely nothing bad will happen...right?
New Reader? Just go for it. If you're brave enough to click on Ch. 80 of a story, you should just plow ahead. You've earned it.
Returning Reader? Welcome back! Things are about to get jolly for the Radley crew as they tackle one of the best known holidays in the world while I frantically attempt to dodge copyright infringement (sorry, folks, no red-nosed reindeer for me).
Also, I wanted to say thanks to people who write me feedback letters. I just discovered a whole batch of them in random pockets of my gmail account dating back to June of 21. I'm more than a little mortified, and very sorry if you asked me something important and thought I blew you off. I'm trying to catch up, but free time is still limited. Ugh.
Anyway, don't forget to check my bio for publishing schedule, and please don't leave without hitting those stars on the way out.
Not a Creature was Stirring
Yuki sat in bed with her knees pulled up against her chest. In one hand was an old copy of
Alice in Wonderland
and in the other was a handful of foxfire. Her bedroom light was off since the foxfire provided plenty of light to read by.
Alice
wasn't even open. Instead, she ran her fingers over the well-loved cover, tracing the portrait in the middle. It had been a gift from Emily, the only true love of her life. The two had been inseparable until Emily had fallen under the influence of the shadow and locked Yuki in a tower-world. The last time she had seen Emily alive was when the former Caretaker had returned to steal her eye for a magical ritual.
A single tear fell on the book, and Yuki wiped it away, smearing condensation across the cover. Her relationship with Emily had been a lifetime ago, in human terms, anyway. The hurt was still there, but time had a habit of helping old wounds scar over.
She opened the book and ran her fingers over the pages. There was once a moment where she had opened this book for the first time. Its pages would have seen a young, vibrant kitsune that was hopeful for a future filled with love and laughter. Later, it bore witness to heartbreak followed by inconsolable rage. The book was like an old friend. It had seen her both at her best and her worst.
Moving the foxfire closer, she wondered how long it would take the book to burn away completely. It was just one of many tendrils remaining that connected her to the past, but it was easily the one that hurt the most.
Her conversation with Naia had been a long one. She hadn't wanted to have it in the backyard where anyone could listen in. However, walking in on Mike and Naia having sex had definitely thrown her off. It wasn't the first time she had seen it, but it was perhaps the longest she had actually watched.
"What do I want?" she wondered aloud, then set her book down on the nightstand. She closed her hand, extinguishing the foxfire and plunging the room into darkness. Yuki laid back on the bed, her gaze on the ceiling. More than once, it felt like she was still trapped in that other world while this one kept spinning without her. It was easy enough to put on a brave face, to act like nothing was bothering her. Out of everyone in the house, it was Mike who had seen through the mirage. He seemed to understand exactly what she was going through.
Sighing, she pulled a pillow over her face and groaned as she went over her conversation with Naia.
"Is it okay that I'm ready to move on?" she asked as she stared blankly at her feet. She sat naked in the tub, her back pressed against Naia's knees as the nymph rubbed her shoulders.
"That's something only you can know," Naia had replied.
"It's strange, but I feel like I should be happier about it. Forgiveness hasn't been easy, but..." Yuki shrugged, which sent ripples through the water. "It's like that gaping hole in the middle of me is finally...okay. It's not great, but I no longer feel like I'm one step away from falling apart."
Naia stopped rubbing Yuki's shoulders and started braiding her hair just below the ears. "I think it's wonderful that you feel that way. It's been over a year since your return. I often thought it would take you much longer to get to where you are today."
Yuki flicked the water with a finger, releasing just enough of her magic to freeze the water droplet as it formed. It plunked back into the bath, then floated away from her and melted away.
"Realistically, it should have," she replied. "But I think you know part of the reason why I feel this way."
Naia leaned into Yuki, hugging her tightly from behind. "It's him, isn't it?" she asked in a low whisper.
Yuki said nothing for several moments, then nodded. She had spent so many years with Emily and the others of the house. Her continued sense of loneliness was further aggravated by the fact that she was the only one who had retained memories of their years together. As the only witness to Emily's time as Caretaker, she felt uniquely qualified to assess it. Personal betrayals and corruption aside, Emily had provided a home that was far safer than anywhere else on the planet, to Yuki's knowledge.
Comparing Emily to Mike, though, was a no-brainer. Even though Mike's world seemed to be far more dangerous, his successes already far exceeded anything that Emily had ever been capable of. Emily's home had been safe, but she had definitely played favorites. The love in Mike's home was palpable in the way he treated everyone and went out of his way to make time for them. He gave selflessly and treated the others like equals.
"He gives me hope," Yuki finally replied. "I'm still scared that he will fall from grace, but after what I saw in the spring..."
She didn't have to finish the statement, because Naia knew exactly what she referred to. There had been a moment in Oregon when Mike had been surrounded by all the power of the forest. His magic had gone wild, forming behind him like an ominous set of black wings. The darkness had come, ready to twist him into a being of power and fury--if he survived the process. Leeds had taken something precious from Mike, killing a woman he loved for no other reason than to hurt him.
Steeped in such power, Mike had diverted the killing blow at the last moment and poured his magic into revitalizing the land instead. She alone had seen that raw power form above him, spreading apart into wings made of shadows, eager to be unleashed and do his bidding. In the grip of such anger, he had not only found mercy, but had also acted on it.
"True strength comes from within," Yuki whispered, hugging herself tightly. "It's an ancient lesson that is hard to truly understand, and yet, he does. He proved it to me on the day he saved my life, the same day he gave up a wish for his heart's desire to not just save my life, but restore my heart and mind. He did so again in the forest while gripped by a terrifying wrath. He shows the others a kindness I can't fully describe, giving of himself whenever he is able. I want to be strong like him, to find it in my heart to keep moving forward."
Naia ran her hands through Yuki's fur, then filled the tub with more hot water while the two sat in comfortable silence for nearly an hour. Yuki's thoughts were like the tendrils of water vapor rising from the water, easy to see yet difficult to grasp.
