Hi all! I'm back with the next exciting chapter of "Leeds is a bastard while Beth fights the Apocalypse!"
New? Don't blame you, everyone is new at some point. You should strongly consider bingeing previous chapters. There's a lot of plot, a lot of fucking, and a giant cast of characters.
Returning reader? Welcome back, you beautiful person! It's so nice to see you, and I wouldn't still be around without your support. So don't forget to click those stars on your way out!
Just a heads up: my (real world) schedule is gonna get weird this fall. Make sure you check my bio for release dates, because I will do my darndest to stick to them so you don't worry that I've disappeared.
Folks, it's time for you to see the glory of Jenny's master plan. If you ever get a chance to play her, you should remember this rule: Never go against a psychotic spirit on
Family Game Night
Pain rippled through Beth's entire body as she reformed in a golden blaze of light next to Murray. Already, the sensation of being hung from a tree was fading from her memory as if it was nothing more than a bad dream.
"Ah, there's our princess now!" War announced with a laugh. "How did you like the gallows?"
She said nothing. Instead, she closed her eyes and took several deep, cleansing breaths.
After being killed the first time, she cried hysterically while huddled in a ball. Murray appeared to her in a place full of white light and informed her that her reconstruction would be on a mental, emotional, and spiritual level. The angel explained that the purpose of doing so was to prevent a complete mental breakdown as a result of being killed repeatedly.
That, and it would disrupt the game.
While the memory of being cut in half remained, it now felt like little more than a distant memory or a bad dream. Every death afterward was brutal and terrifying to experience, but the angel made sure that all she retained from them was the memory rather than the trauma.
In a way, she was grateful to the angel for ensuring her mental safety. Given half a chance, she would pluck the fucker and cast him into the Void with Oliver. But seeing as how she was just a mere mortal, she would have to settle for dreaming about revenge rather than enacting it.
"And there goes Alaska," War declared. The territory Beth had held turned red. "North America is officially mine!"
Again, she said nothing. But she did look over at where Jenny was sitting. The doll had been unusually quiet, and it was taking everything in her power not to scream at the ghost.
The original plan had been for Jenny to manipulate her own die rolls using telekinesis. With three-on-three, even a slight manipulation in the odds would be beneficial, and allow their deception to go unnoticed.
Instead, Jenny was sullen. She had lost a few territories without so much as a fight, and had yet to win a single round. When a round started, neither side knew who won until the battle was over, and it didn't seem to occur to the horsemen that Jenny seemed to be exempt. On her turn, all the doll did was add troops and move them away from harm. Reggie would often move troops and try to bolster defenses for Beth, or at least discuss strategies between rounds.
It had effectively become three versus two, with Jenny barely spectating. The doll often wandered off during turns, and would look on in disinterest as the loser was shot, set on fire, or executed in whatever gory manner the winner preferred.
Beth particularly enjoyed her winning rounds. The horsemen didn't seem particularly creative with how they chose to kill her, so would often pick something quick and messy. She tried to rattle them with creative means of dismemberment, and was particularly proud of the time her elves had tossed Famine into a live volcano.
Reggie's unique brand of torture usually involved rats. He strapped a cage full of rats to War's belly and then put burning coals on the top so that the rats would chew their way through the horseman to get away from the heat. There was also the time Reggie dragged Pestilence into the subway tunnels of New York and creamed him with a subway train. It had revealed that the horseman was, in fact, composed of glowing insects.
None of this deterred the horsemen. They shifted troops around and would leave a single troop behind to be taken by their teammates so they could gain continent bonuses. It had pissed her off when the last battle between War and Pestilence had been a simple game of Pinball. War had given his sibling a high-five upon losing, which allowed Pestilence to gain control of Africa.
"Three territories left," War told her. "And then you're out of the game."
Still, she said nothing. Once she was knocked out, Reggie and Jenny would be on their own. Reggie almost had control of Europe, while Jenny had crammed almost all of her troops into east Asia.
It all came down to trust. She wanted to believe that Jenny had some sort of a plan, but she just couldn't see it. The doll's infamous outbursts hadn't shown up even once. They were ignoring her entirely, so it was likely that Reggie would be the next to go. The horsemen would come for Jenny only when she was the last one remaining.
The horsemen had learned some time ago how to stretch out their turns. What had started as hour-long skirmishes had become days, depending on the size of the defending armies. Losing Australia had taken almost a month from her perspective, but Murray had assured her that only minutes had passed in the real world.
The men and women of Middle Earth put up a brave fight over the next few rounds. Beth, fully on the defensive now, didn't make any attacks of her own and chose to bolster her defenses. Her brain compressed the last week of her battles into moments as her territories dwindled down to one final location.
She had taken Iceland on a lark and found it a fitting location for her last stand. Her troops managed to buy her another week of in-game time as War attacked her from Greenland with ships that fired missiles into the Icelandic countryside. While the city of Reykjavik burned, Beth's army was forced to retreat inland.
Her final stand was at the volcano. She had ridden her horse up and down the line, doing her best to give a speech about how they were the last line of defense, and that she was so proud. The words didn't come easy, and were heavily plagiarized from different movies. Her people had cheered as they turned as one to face the oncoming army, ready to take down as many of War's troops as they could.
Instead, War bombed the volcano, which caused it to erupt violently. It exploded, the pyroclastic flow incinerating Beth and her troops where they stood. There were no last moments of honor or glory, just the howl of angry winds followed by fire, dirt, and pain.
Hovering above the Earth afterward, Beth couldn't help but break into tears. She didn't have enough energy to acknowledge War, who taunted her failures. Nor could she yell at Jenny for abandoning them. She wanted to believe in the plan, but her faith had finally been broken.
"Since you are no longer a player, you may wait here between rounds." Murray spoke matter-of-factly, as if Beth hadn't just lost the fate of the world in a board game gone wrong. "It is your choice."
"I'll keep watching," she announced, then looked over at Reggie. "To provide moral support."
Reggie nodded his head in thanks.
Several weeks passed as Reggie's position in Europe was gobbled away. The horsemen started a blazing wall of fire that gobbled up the land as they conquered his territories. Reggie was able to hold them off for a bit, but it was purely a numbers game at this point. The horsemen had surrounded Reggie, pressing him from multiple directions. His numbers dwindled faster than theirs, and his remaining troops clung to the Eiffel tower as Famine detonated a nuke right on top of them.
The mushroom cloud could still be seen from space as Reggie reformed. His mech suit was gone, and he wore neither his glasses nor his crown.
"I have failed you," he told her morosely.
"You did your best," she said, kneeling down to pick him up. "We did our best." She gave him a hug, his whiskers tickling her ear.
"The best is yet to come," he whispered in her ear, his voice barely audible. She wasn't even sure he had said anything.
"Do you wish to continue your turn?" Murray asked Famine.
"Huh?" Famine looked up at the Earth, then over at Jenny. She was looking away from the horsemen, her horse squeaking ominously. "Oh, right. Forgot about her. I need to move some troops first, but then I'll pass." He looked to War. "Thought you might have more fun with her."
War grinned, his teeth glinting in the unfiltered light of the sun.
"I'm going to grind you into paste, little girl." He licked his lips in anticipation.
Jenny stopped rocking on her horse. Her head rotated around until she was looking backward at the horsemen.
I look forward to ripping your eyes from your head and shoving them up your ass.
Her voice was composed of multiple wavelengths—as if several men and women spoke through her body. With a click, it became a little girl's voice again.
