Home for Horny Monsters

Hi, all! Annabelle Hawthorne has returned with the next installment of "I let a nymph blow me and now we have a weird, erotic fantasy epic!"

(My real life is nowhere near this exciting, yet that's probably a good thing)

New readers, hello! This is the 126th chapter of a story that has three spinoff novels and a cast larger than Once Upon a Time (don't bother with the last season, it was garbage so hot that it'll burn your eyes). Jumping in now would be like trying to figure out the plot of the Rocky Horror Picture show based solely on a photograph of Tim Curry from the set of Home Alone 2. You should probably start at Ch. 001 and maybe giggle at that guy who said I would be gone after a few chapters. But hey, I'm not your mom, so go fucking nuts.

Returning reader, welcome back! I wish I could be writing these faster for you, but still can't afford enough cocaine to attempt the Stephen King method of speedwriting. Still, your continued enthusiasm after seven years is still keeping me going, along with all the caffeine currently flowing through my veins. While I won't thank my coffee maker for keeping me awake, I will thank all of you for your support, excitement, and (most of) the emails you send about my writing.

Special thanks to my beta team that includes the Mikes, the Pastor, the Dragon, Zing, and anyone I may have forgotten while writing this. Lit's own TJ Skywind has been proofing HFHM for years now and is my secret weapon, much like the container of ghost salt in my spice rack.

My writing schedule might be weird over the next couple of months, so make sure you check my bio for release dates. I've been super good about sticking to them, or at least updating them when shit goes down. The last thing I ever want to do is let you all down or straight up forget about you. The Fae would definitely perceive this as

Deceptive Hospitality

The walk into the mysterious Caretaker's castle took longer than Mike expected. The sheer scale of the thing was hard to contemplate, and the building seemed to expand in size as they grew closer to it.

Finley had followed along with them, appointing himself as de facto tour guide. Most of what the man said held little value. He spent several minutes just naming the various families who lived in town as they passed their homes, shops, and some specialized structures, like the mill. A river ran through part of the town and water wheels had been set up to grind...something. Mike couldn't actually remember. The castle had too much of his attention.

The gargoyles marching with them didn't seem menacing, but thanks to Abella, he knew that looks could be deceiving. It wouldn't take much effort for one of them to turn around and swat his head off of his shoulders. Were they just being friendly? Or were they private security for the so-called Caretaker and escorting Mike and the others to their doom?

The castle was separated from the village by a bridge that spanned a gap nearly a hundred feet across. Mike actually paused to look down into the void and was very surprised to see nothing at all.

"What's down there?" he asked.

Finley, who had been mid-monologue about the construction of the bridge, shrugged. "Nobody knows," he said. "Nothing has ever come out of it, so the Caretaker saw no need to investigate it."

"What, these guys couldn't fly down there?" Sofia gestured at the gargoyles.

"We have tried," said one of them. "It becomes dark long before any bottom is discovered. Early investigations more than two centuries ago yielded no results and precious lives were lost."

"Two centuries?" Mike frowned at Nyx. "So eight hundred years our time? Does that sound right?"

"Avalon has been lost far longer, so perhaps." She sneered at the gargoyle nearest to her, who immediately backed away. The stone creatures didn't quite know what to make of Nyx and acted apprehensive while around her. The fae princess moved closer to Mike, which made him uneasy, but he dealt with it. "I shall mention that their words ring of truth. They at least believe what they are saying."

Aware that the gargoyles could hear whatever they said, he nodded. "I have yet to see a reason that they would mislead us." Mike spotted a nod of approval from the gargoyle leading them to the castle. These guys were just the muscle. There was no reason to make them angry. Besides, he felt an odd sort of kinship with them. That was probably related to the tiny piece of gargoyle soul floating around inside of him.

"Okay, this bridge is definitely longer than it looked," said Sofia. "We should have been on the other side already."

"That's because the Caretaker's castle is magical!" Finley grabbed Sofia by the sleeve to get her attention and pointed upward. "The towers will sometimes move when we sleep. There used to be seven of them, according to legend, but one was taken."

"Taken?" Mike scratched his chin and studied the architecture. The castle didn't match the style of Yuki's old home, but that didn't necessarily mean anything. "How do you steal an entire tower?"

"Very carefully." Suly chuckled. "You jus' gotta have big pockets, friend."

Finley pointed up toward the edge of the tower. "It's easier to see when it's up front on account of the gate that led to its bridge. Next time they rotate, you should take a look, it'll be the one that opens onto nothing."

"When will that be?" asked Mike.

"Once every ten cycles." The closest gargoyle pointed to a smaller tower. "That's where our tribe stays. It's important for us to keep track of where we are so that we don't crash into the cliffs when we leap out into the dark."

"How did the castle get here?" asked Cecilia.

"That's a story for the Caretaker to tell you."

"What's he like?" asked Mike, probing for any information.

"Oh, he's a good one, he is." Finley clapped his hands in excitement. "We don't see him much. The lord is quite busy, but we do see his vassals all the time. They each have their own tower."

"How many vassals does he have?"

"Five." Finley opened his mouth to say more, but a gargoyle moved to block him. "Oh, right. I got you this far, but visitors are the lord's business. Next time you're in town, ask for me!"

Nyx smirked. "You'll be seeing me again."

Mike winced. Poor fucker. He watched Finley jog back along the bridge to where the other villagers were waiting to ask him all about the new people who had arrived.

"You don't get many visitors, do you?" asked Sofia.

"It has been many years since someone new has come," replied the closest gargoyle. "This place is a sanctuary, a haven to protect us from the outside world."

"Really?" Mike continued walking toward the castle. "What do you think is out there?"

The gargoyle chuckled. It sounded like a jammed rock tumbler. "You would know, human. My tribe were the lucky ones. They fled here many years ago to escape those who would hunt us. This place is our sanctuary. You should know we would do anything to defend it."

Mike was suddenly aware of all the gargoyles giving him a pointed look.

Message received,

he thought. "So has the Caretaker always been here, or do you get a new one when he dies?"

This time, all of the gargoyles chuckled. "The lord of the castle was ancient when my tribe first met him. He will likely live longer than any of us," their leader explained.

"I see." Mike gazed along the castle walls and was able to spot at least ten more gargoyles watching him. If not for his ability to see souls, he never would have been able to pick them out along the dark stonework. The gentle curves of the castle became sharp corners as they drew closer, the structure almost menacing in appearance. The gate had been lifted by unseen servants long before they arrived, and they stepped into a courtyard that could easily contain his own castle from the real world. It was abundantly clear that the villagers could probably move inside these walls if needed, and maybe at one time had been there. He even spotted a stable off to the side, but there was no sign of any horses.

The gargoyles led them to a large set of stairs that ascended to an opulent entryway. A figure in a robe stood at the top, the door cracked open behind them. The stone guardians flew away, leaving Mike and the others to stand beneath the steps.

"Are you the Caretaker?" asked Mike.

"No." The figure pulled back the hood of their robe to reveal the face of a pale young man in his late twenties. Dark veins lined his cheeks and there were shadows under his eyes. "The lord of the castle is in the midst of his slumber and shall not be awakened yet."

"Do you have a name?" asked Nyx.

"I do." The man gestured to the door. "Allow me to lead you to your rooms."

"You still haven't given us your name," Nyx declared, her fists now balled up at her side.

"You're quite right." The man walked inside, leaving the group to stand out in the empty courtyard. Mike turned to the others and sighed.

"Well...I guess we follow him." He looked over his shoulder at the yawning portal the servant had disappeared through. "I will, anyway. We won't learn anything by turning back."

"If we're allowed to turn back, that is." Suly jerked his thumb toward the main gate. "Those stone lads may not see fit to let us leave."

Mike was under the same impression. The gargoyles had seemed pleasant enough, but they were under orders. Other than the weirdness surrounding Naia's mention at the fountain and the mystery Caretaker himself, there was no evidence they were about to walk into a trap. Chewing at the inside of his lip, he looked up at the castle. It was definitely gothic, with arched windows and towers with conical roofs so sharp that they threatened to pierce the sky. He could even spot sections where the architecture had changed. Whether that was from the original builders dying of old age and new ones taking over or if it was from damage to the structure itself, he had no way of knowing.

As if under a spell, he climbed the stairs and stepped into the castle where the servant waited a short distance down a hallway decorated with paintings and pale, red runners on the floor. The eerie colors of twilight were gone here, replaced by the soft glow of magical torches. Once everyone was inside, the doors closed on their own, causing Mike to stop and look back.

"We were not expecting guests," said the servant. "We do, however, have rooms prepared for when people from the village may need to come by. They are quite small, so two of you will go to each room."

"We'd prefer to stay together," said Mike.

The servant turned to look at them, walking backward on the worn carpet. "You are strangers here," said the man. "But you are also guests. There will be no more than two guests per room unless they have come with children, in which case they shall not be separated." The servant sounded like he was reciting something from memory. "Should the Caretaker decide to upgrade your accommodations after your meeting, then you may request a larger room for you and your companions."

"It should be fine," said Nyx. "I detect no hostility or subterfuge in offering us rooms with limited space." The fae's lips curled. "Should that change, there will be...repercussions."

They were led down long corridors and up some flights of stairs before the servant stopped at the first room. He pushed the door open to reveal a small sitting room with a bed in the corner.

"It will be many hours before the Caretaker has awakened," he said. "Please ring the bell if you require assistance. Who will be taking this room?"

"I shall." Nyx strolled three feet into the room and paused. "The dullahan shall act as my guardian."

"Sorry, friends. Looks like I'm on the clock." Sulyvahn smiled weakly and followed Nyx into the room. The fae princess sat on a lounge chair and kicked off her boots. As the door shut, Mike heard her tell Sulyvahn that she wanted a foot rub.

It was several minutes later before they arrived at the next room. If Mike was correct, they were now inside one of the towers that rotated. The servant revealed a slightly larger room than before with a massive bed inside.

"I'll take this one," said Sofia with a yawn. "I could use a nap."

Cecilia and Cerberus both looked at Mike optimistically. He screwed up his face, wondering who should stay with the cyclops. Could Cecilia even go incorporeal here? In terms of safe decisions, he knew that Sofia could protect Cecilia better than he could.

That, and if this really was a trap, he was the target. Cerberus would be able to handle almost anything thrown at him. He turned to Cecilia and took her hand.

"Keep her out of trouble," he said, tilting his head toward the door. The banshee looked disappointed, but she nodded and walked inside. After a few seconds, the door closed by itself.

"I might need to look into a similar system for my own home," he said to the servant. "Doors get left open all the time. I could save a fortune on my heating and cooling bills." After several moments of silence, he continued. "What is the heating bill in a place like this? It's not like you can source your own wood. The island tries to kill you when you do. Maybe you've got some of those murder trees in the fireplace, burning as fast as they grow, right?"

The servant looked at him with dull eyes. "This way to your room." He turned and walked away. Mike rolled his eyes and followed. No other words were exchanged as they ascended what Mike now referred to as the guest tower. They moved up more flights of stairs before eventually stopping at a room near the top of the tower. When Mike walked inside, he saw that it was the smallest of the three. There was a bed and a couch with a window that overlooked the village. Down below, Mike could see the villagers milling about by torchlight. It was already getting dark again.

"So is this the Rapunzel suite? If I need service, should I just let down my--" He turned to see that the servant had already left, leaving Cerberus as his audience.

"Dick," he muttered under his breath, then moved to sit on the couch. Cerberus joined him, sitting on the opposite side and hiking up her skirt to reveal her shoes.

"Rub. My. Feet?" she asked.

"Is this because Nyx asked Sulyvahn to do it?" He pulled off the soft leather shoes that Cerberus wore and tossed them to the ground. The clothes that the hellhound had in her human form followed the same rules as Lily's. If he were to throw them out the window, they would puff away into magical smoke. Unlike Lily, Cerberus needed to transform completely to resummon her outfits.

"Maybe. A. Little." Cerberus grinned at him and wiggled their toes.

"Well, then, you're in for a treat." He picked a foot at random and gave it a playful squeeze. Cerberus jerked it away, all three heads giggling.

"That. Tickles. Master."

"Feet are weird that way." He captured her foot again and was gentler this time. Cerberus' human feet had thick pads reminiscent of their dog form. When he started rubbing the spot between her big toe and the rest, he paused to inspect her foot. "Did you make your nails this way or did someone help you?"

"Grace. Painted. Them." Cerberus wiggled their rainbow-colored nails. "We. Liked. It. So. Kept. It."

"That kid. I'm starting to wonder if everyone likes her more than me." He grinned thinking about his daughter, but the smile melted away. It had already been, what, a full day for him? Or had it been longer? That meant four days away from his kids. He did a mental tally. How many days was it until Halloween? He had promised Callisto that he'd take him trick or treating and show him what it was like in the human realm. His son had even picked out that costume from Scream, which he would outgrow by next year.

Those were just his kids. Poor Tink was likely halfway to madness with nothing to do. Even when she was just screwing around, the goblin was always working on something. Why was he just sitting around here, waiting for what happens next? He should be roaming the halls right now and loudly demanding answers.

Logically, that was the wrong thing to do. Now that he had a spare minute to process all these thoughts, they threatened to drown him in his own feelings of inadequacy. Because of this mission, Yuki was forced to pick up more slack than she deserved. Sure, Abella and Naia were there to help out, but the nymph was limited to the bath and fountain while Abella wasn't necessarily able to walk around the house with his daughter. Maybe he should have sent her to stay with the centaurs. She would at least have her brother, then--

"You. Are. Distracted." Cerberus lifted a foot and wiggled their toes. "You. Stopped. Rubbing."

"Yeah, you're right. Sorry." Mike squeezed the foot in his hands, applying pressure along their arches.

"What's. The. Matter?" Cerberus cocked two heads in one direction and the third in another.

"Just bothered is all. I'd rather be home, but I need to see this through, just in case."

"Doing. Your. Best." Cerberus smiled at him. "Master. Always. Tries."

"Yeah, well, I'm all wound up right now. I need to relax."

"Cerberus. Can. Help." The hellhound stuck her other foot in Mike's crotch and rubbed his cock. "Master. Can. Relax."

Mike raised an eyebrow. His magic unraveled, traveling the lengths of his body and demanding that he take Cerberus up on their offer. "I suppose we could arrange something, but then I wouldn't be rubbing your foot anymore."

The hellhound kept pressing their foot against Mike's cock, their toes surprisingly dextrous. "You. Keep. Rubbing," they said, smoothly undoing his belt and tugging down the front of his pants with their foot. He lifted his hips to make the process easier, suddenly aware that he could see directly up Cerberus' skirt from his current position. The hellhound had manifested with stockings and garters, but there wasn't any underwear. "Cerberus. Help. Master."

"Have you been getting fashion advice from Lily?" he asked with a grin.

"Don't. Need. Them," they replied.

His cock was now free of his pants and growing harder by the second. He had never really thought about how dextrous they could be with their feet, but it made plenty of sense. In hellhound form, they didn't have thumbs and did everything with paws. Toes were probably a step up in flexibility.

His thoughts were proven correct when Cerberus promptly grabbed the head of his cock between their toes and started stroking him. He sighed and continued rubbing one foot while the other jerked him off. Three pairs of eyes watched him intensely as Cerberus dropped their hands down to their exposed crotch.

"That. Feels. Good," they said.

"What you're doing or what I'm doing," he asked.

"What. You're. Doing." Two heads grinned at him while the third blew him a kiss. Mike didn't know how long they had, and was content to let Cerberus set the pace. The hellhound got creative in her ministrations, occasionally stopping to masturbate quietly while Mike massaged their feet.

With his magic uncurled and hungry for more, Mike lifted the foot he had been rubbing to his mouth and kissed Cerberus' toes, then sucked on them a little. The action did little for him, but he got quite the reaction from Cerberus. The head on the left moaned, eyes rolling back in her head. The center head blushed and started panting. The right head quietly whimpered.

Interesting, he thought to himself. Did the heads experience pleasure differently? Based on what he knew, the heads were separate personalities while Cerberus itself was one entity. Could they develop different kinks? How much overlap existed between the three of them already?

After sucking on their toes for a bit, Mike switched feet. The wet foot immediately dropped to his crotch, jacking him off while he worked his literal magic on the other one. Sparks of light crept up well toned calves and crawled along the outside of Cerberus' labia before jumping between their fingers and their clitoris. The side heads were whimpering now while the center head continued to pant. Cerberus stopped playing with themselves long enough to undo the straps of their dress and peel it down, revealing all three breasts.