I didn't move for along moment as I reeled from Ethan's abrupt departure and the anger I could still feel rolling through the bond. I knew before he arrived last night that he would hate me for mating him, but the reality hurt. I could feel his frustration and anger and some sense of confusion. I sat on the floor feeling sorry for myself, and as I wallowed in my misery I felt his anger and confusion grow.
With a mental shake I pulled myself of the floor and righted the heavy sofa with a frustrated shove. Being a Were was good for something I thought bitterly. It had cost me the man I loved but I could move furniture with ease. I stalked across the room and Ethan's seed seeped from my cunt like tears. I slowly and painfully blocked out Ethan's emotions. It was getting more and more difficult to block the mate bond but I'd take any reprieve I could get.
A ball of anger began to fester in my gut, anger at myself for being so pathetic for submitting so easily. I was angry with Ethan too, for how he had treated me and for how he had reacted to the thought of mating me. Damn, it hurt that the thought of being mated to me was so repellent to him. I sighed and breathed in the scent of Ethan that clung to my skin, with a growl I stalked into the bathroom. I jumped into the shower and scrubbed all outward signs of Ethan's possession from my skin in near scalding water. Hurt and anger coiled inside me rousing my beast. It pressed against my skin from the inside urging me to slip my skin and obey my instincts. I fought to control my emotions and my beast.
My father hated my Were side. He was a mortal who married a Were and they had two baby girls. One Were and one human baby left for him to raise when my mother had obeyed the call of the wild and run off. I had learnt early in my life to control and mask my Were side to avoid my father's wrath. I had better control than this I told myself. With difficulty I mastered my emotions and the beast within me quieted, but I knew it would need to run free soon.
---------*---------
Finally, I thought when I locked my front door. I had to pay the repairman an arm and a leg to get him to come out immediately, but I needed to get out of my apartment and work of some of my mad before I went to find Ethan. We needed a solution and running in opposite directions wasn't going to fix our problem, or maybe it would I thought wonderingly. Time and distance would weaken the bond, maybe enough that it could be broken with out killing us both. I doubted it, but if Ethan hated me, anything was worth a try.
I parked my car in a lay-by by the side of the local woods, and walked into the trees. My shoes made almost no noise as I walked through the dappled shade. I felt better almost immediately, sounds of nature surrounded me and I took a deep breath. I walked deeper and deeper into the woods till nature surrounded me and removed the smell of the city.
I walked till I found the lake on the far side. It was surrounded on all sides by trees so it was mostly undisturbed by humans. Stripping out of my trousers and top I waded into the water. I needed to work off my mad and my hurt and swimming would do that for me. When the water was around the top of my thighs I dove into it and began to swim. I cut through the water with powerful strokes of my arms and kicking hard. I drove myself through the water, the physical exertion kept my mind empty and the cold water-cooled my temper.
When I got over my mad the need to drive myself died and I began to think. I had never heard of anyone breaking a mate bond but the sensation of the bond was weaker further away from Ethan. Maybe if I went far enough away the bond would weaken enough to be broken! I loved Ethan but I wouldn't force him to be with me because of some stupid hormonal match. I slapped the water in frustration and nearly dunked myself. I wanted to take down my shields and spend the rest of my life with him, but feeling his resentment through the bond everyday would slowly kill me.
When the cold of the water began to seep into my bones I swam back to the shore and walked of the water. I was unconcerned about my nudity and the sun was warm on my skin. I would dry off quickly. I walked away from my clothes to lay on a large smooth rock. I had plenty more thinking to do.
"Now there's a pretty sight." The sound of Ethan's voice froze me.
My first though was 'great, now I'm imagining him too.' I turned slowly on my rock and faced him. He was standing on the beach watching me, looking relaxed in sweats and a running vest. I had succeeded in blocking the bond from my mind enough that I hadn't even noticed his approach! I Stared at him unable to think of a coherent thought. I watched his eyes roam freely over my body. I heard his breath catch and saw him lick his lips as he appreciated my body. I had no problems with nudity and I liked my body, but watching his eyes slide over my body pissed me off. After the grief he had given me the fact that he still thought my body belonged to him made me want to do damage.
"What do you want?" I demanded, sliding off the rock to stand on the beach. He took a step towards me and I stood my ground and looked at him, with one eyebrow raised.
"I wanted to talk, Alyssa" Ethan said quietly.
"So talk!" I challenged tauntingly, standing my ground and glaring at him. He didn't move any closer but I could feel his confusion about my mood.
"I've been thinking," he began, I just raised my eyebrows. "Just because neither of us wanted this doesn't mean we can't live with it! I mean I like you, we get on, your beautiful." He paused and took a deep breath. "We can make this work." His compliment softened me slightly but I refused to back down. He 'liked' me and I loved him. The difference between the two would kill something inside me little by little.
"What about me? I demanded, "What if I don't want to live with it?" I asked belligerently carefully hiding my true feelings.
"Lyssa..." Ethan began but I cut him off. My body was softening towards him wanting him.
"No Ethan, You don't get it!" I almost shouted, "I'm as much trapped as you are by this but I'm not willing to make do."
