She had to sit down. Alauria stumbled to the nearest chair and let herself fall onto it. She was shaking and was sure that she'd have another anxiety attack if she didn't calm down soon. Rachel was Raife. Raife was once the woman Lindsay loved above all others. No damned wonder the demon wanted to make her lunch meat.
A sudden thought made her look at Lindsay. He hadn't moved except to turn and face her. There was a pained expression on his face and for a moment, she wasn't sure if the pain was because of her reaction or because of what happened to Rachel. "When did you make the treaty?"
"After I buried my mother, I set out to kill her. The extra bulk of her new body made her a slower fighter so I was easily able to bring her down. But when it came down to it..."
"Why couldn't you kill her?" She had no idea what it must have been like for him, but she knew for a fact that she would have his blood if he did anything to her mother.
"Because I only saw Rachel when I looked at Raife."
"Is that how you feel now?"
The question was like a blow to the midsection. How was it, that after all this time, she still could not see what she meant to him? "You mean more to me than Rachel ever did."
Though she should have found comfort in the statement, Alauria was only able to become suspicious. "That doesn't mean that you don't still love her."
"What I felt for Rachel in the past has nothing to do with the hate I feel for Raife now."
"If there was a chance, even a small one, that you could get Rachel back, would you take it?"
He wasn't sure how to answer that question. On the one hand, if it meant saving the woman he once cared about, he would try; Rachel deserved a full and happy life. But to go as far as a reconciliation... That was a bit too much. What he felt for the confusing woman in front of him was too intense to ignore.
Just as he opened his mouth to speak, she held a hand up for silence. "Never mind I asked. That was a... a really stupid question on my part, especially when I already know the answer." Alauria stood up and moved to walk out of the kitchen. As an afterthought, she said, "I think it's better that we leave it like this."
Lindsay quickly reached out to gently take hold of her arm. "What the hell is that supposed to mean, Alauria?"
"It means that once this is done you don't have to worry about me replacing her."
"What the hell is wrong with you, Alauria? You aren't a replacement."
"If you say so." She disengaged her arm and slowly walked out of the kitchen, not once bothering to turn. Had she taken the time, she would have seen the longing pouring out of his soul and the desperate need to take her pain within himself.
* * * * *
"Tell me how to make this right."
Alauria sighed dejectedly as she rubbed her temples. She had a fierce stress related headache and added to Lindsay's constant pleas to work out their problems before she left, she was ready to pound her head against a wall to ease the pain. She'd reached the point where she realized that it made no sense for her to fight for him. If he wasn't pushing her away, she was left competing with who she was quite sure was still the love of his life. Alauria didn't know how she was supposed to compete with the past he had with Raife. What she did know was that no matter how she assessed her odds, she was on the losing end. And if there was one thing she'd always promised herself, it was that she'd never put herself in a situation where she'd be left behind. She had to face reality; if Lindsay couldn't kill Raife after she'd murdered his mother, there was no way in hell he'd kill the demon now after a simple kidnapping attempt.
In the end, she wasn't worth it, and she wasn't going to allow him to feed her the lies he'd forced himself to believe.
So she quietly packed the items she'd been given and remained silent as Lindsay stood against the door and watched her. With every attempt to reconcile, her headache intensified. It wasn't long until she was ready to start screaming like a lunatic to get him to leave her alone. It was torture being in his room with him, to look at the bed they'd made love in, knowing that after this, they'd be done. She turned to look at him and her breath caught at the heaviness in his gaze. He looked... sad. His stance was rigid, ready to fight as he leaned against the door, but he couldn't conceal what he felt in his eyes. The once brilliant green was slightly dulled, and there was an emptiness that confused her. "Are you upset because I'm leaving or because you have to fight her?"
Somehow he knew she'd try to make him compare his feelings for them again. This time, he was prepared. "I was young when I met Rachel and I didn't know or love my brothers then as much as I do now. Because of that, I made the mistake of thinking with my heart, even knowing that it would one day backfire on me." He pushed himself away from the door and took a few steps forward. She didn't back away or cringe, he was happy to observe, and newfound confidence prompted him to take another step forward. "With you, my head and my heart say the same exact thing. So I know it's not a mistake to listen."
She blinked back the sudden onslaught of tears and swallowed hard in an attempt to ease the lump forming in her throat. His words were too right, too perfect for her to believe. "That doesn't answer my question."
Lindsay watched her fight the tears threatening to fall. He wanted to reach out and comfort her, but this was the first civil conversation they'd had in what felt like decades. "I'm upset because I wish that I could have known that I would meet you one day because then I would have found the strength to do what I should have done after she killed my mother." As she stared up at him in amazement, a single tear slid down her soft cheek. Her chin trembled, emphasizing its small indent. "I don't think you understand how deeply my feelings for you run." He would have never thought that she'd be the one running at every turn when he met her. It seemed more like she would have been set to chase him around until he finally gave into his feelings. Very odd, how things worked themselves out.
God, how she wanted to believe him. He looked so sure in what he said. But how could she believe him when all she had was his words? Though words meant so much, they could also mean nothing at all; a valuable lesson she'd learned from her father. "Lindsay..." Alauria trialed off, unsure of what to say. She broke eye contact and shook her head to clear the clutter of thoughts in her head. "Lindsay, I-"
"Why are you so afraid of me, Alauria?"
Though he'd only whispered the question, it felt as if he'd shouted it. "Because you're going to leave me." She flinched and let out a small sob. She brought her hands up to cover her face and turned away from him. Crying in front of him wasn't something she wanted to do anymore. The tears made her seem weak and needy, two things she wasn't. But it was hard to keep her emotions at bay when he was near. Alauria cried harder when he pulled her into his soft embrace. To simply be in his arms was heaven. And hell. She wanted to trust him, wanted to know that when he said he wanted only her, he meant it. As she turned to press her tear streaked face against his chest, she felt her chest seize as overwhelming love washed over her. She was in love with him, more in love than she though was possible for anyone. The pain that came with the possibility of his leaving her increased tenfold. Her body shook with fear and love; she couldn't decide if she should hold him tighter or push him away.
Finally, an answer for her behavior. Lindsay tightened his hold on her and placed a small kiss on the top of her head. The violent shakes of her body tore at him. "Baby, I'm not going anywhere." How could he when she'd irrevocably changed his life in the short time they'd known each other? The woman was a drug in his veins, an addiction he wanted no cure for. He couldn't let her go. He wouldn't.
"Yes-you-are," she hiccupped. She felt his sharp intake of breath but ignored it was she continued, "You let her live this long."
"What will it take to get you to believe me?" When she only shrugged in answer, Lindsay found himself laughing. He wasn't even sure why; whether it was the near ridiculous turn of their conversation or the fact that he'd finally found the root of her radical mood swings, it did not matter. He'd finally managed to worm his way passed her hostility to a place that would allow them a proper reconciliation once Raife was gone.
The sudden knock on the door made him curse and her pull away to hastily wipe her eyes. "What?" Lindsay called out.
"Maels is here."
"We'll be down in a minute, Lex." He turned to Alauria, who'd quickly gone back to the task of packing her minimal belongings. She refused to look at him, but he did not take offense; the flush of her skin gave him the answer he needed. "I'm not going to leave you, Alauria. I'll be back to get you in a few days." Her simple nod annoyed him, but not enough to make an issue of the action. She was listening to what he told her; that was enough for now.
She waited until all of her bags were packed before she looked at him. Funny; it didn't hurt so much to look at him anymore. Fear still coursed through her veins, but it was primarily fear for his safety. If what he said was true, he had to live so that he could come back to her. "Ok, I'm ready."
Lindsay's brow quirked as she lifted the black duffel bag he gave her. There was a faint blush on her cheeks and while her eyes didn't glisten with impending tears, they were red. That did nothing to diminish her startling beauty, however, and he found his heart swelling at just the sight of her. "No you aren't."
"What are you talking about? I have everything I need and you heard Alexis said that Maels is here."
"You will kiss me goodbye first."
Nervous excitement rolled through her body at the command. Alauria's first instinct was to shake her head but the brilliance was back in his eyes and the mesmerizing green called to her. Before she could stop herself, she'd walked to stand in front of him. A second later, she gasped as she was pulled into his embrace and met him halfway as he leaned down to kiss her. He showed no mercy as he slanted his lips over hers. Within seconds, her body was on fire and trembling with need as pulses of electricity rolled off his body and through her. Alauria moaned as she pulled his lower lip between her teeth and gasped again at the feel of his hard arousal pressed against her. His harsh groan of approval made her take more and it wasn't long before she was the aggressor of their kiss; her tongue thrust into his willing mouth, coaxing him to mimic the action. Lindsay's arms tightened around her, pulling her close while still keeping them torturously far apart. It was almost too much for her to take.
He had a good mind to rip her clothes off and take her right then. The others could wait an hour... or five. The unique mixture of her natural scent and his soap ignited a dangerous level of passion within him he knew he would not be able to tame, not if he kept his hands on her. But that didn't stop him from cupping her perfect bottom in his hands so that he could press her closer to his aching member. He loved the way she clung to him; her body could not deny her true feelings for him. No matter how problematic she became, this part of her would never change.