Alauria opened her eyes slowly and found herself staring up at the ceiling. This time, she knew where she was, and the memory of last night brought a slow smile to her face. She knew that Lindsay wasn't in bed, which meant it was safe for her to take in the new level of intimacy of their convoluted relationship. As she stretched lazily, she let out a small groan at the wonderful soreness she felt. The man sure was thorough when it came to turning her into jelly. The simple memory of the way he touched her had her body heating, readying itself for another round.
"Good afternoon."
Shock had her sitting up abruptly. She remembered to clutch the blanket to her naked chest as she stared at him in disbelief. Lindsay stood in front of the window again, but this time, he'd turned to lean against the frame so that he could comfortably watch her sleep. Damn, he'd seen the look on her face when she woke up. A fierce blush took over her face and she looked away from him, unable to make eye contact. The sigh he emitted sounded frustrated and she only had a second to look in his direction before he was sitting on the side of the bed, his hand on the bed trapping her between his arm and hip.
"Did you sleep well?"
She was only able to nod like an idiot as the blush on her face intensified. There was something in the semi-guarded look he gave her that made her nervous. A glint in his eye, much like the one he had when he was upset, made her curious about his emotional state. When it came to him, there was no telling how he was feeling. "Are you mad at me?"
Of all the things she could have said, she chose the most random question in the world. "Why would I be upset?"
She looked over his shoulder for a moment and took a breath to collect herself. Her face had finally cooled down, which meant that she didn't have to seem like a blubbering idiot. "I don't know. You seem kind of broody and dark."
He was, but not for the reasons she probably thought. "I'm fine. Are you ok?"
"What do you mean?"
"I was a little rough last night, toward the end." Lindsay smiled at the severe blush that took over her face again. She looked so innocent and vulnerable; it was amazing, the many layers she'd revealed to him the short time they'd been together. He leaned down and placed a soft kiss on her lips, not only to assure her, but because he couldn't resist sampling her sweetness. "Did I hurt you?"
Alauria shook her head as she pulled her lower lip between her teeth. He was being extremely gentle, but there was still a tense set to his body, as if he was holding something back. It was then that a harrowing thought came to her. "I wasn't bad, last night, was I?"
"Why would you think that?" When she didn't answer, he pulled back to look at her. She avoided eye contact and for some inexplicable reason, felt the need to obsess over her hair. "Why are you acting so weird?"
"Why are you?"
He let out a frustrated breath as he realized the moment wasn't going as he'd planned. This was a time for soft words and praise, not suspicion and accusation. It was time to try another tactic. "You don't have to worry about getting pregnant."
"What does that have to do with this conversation?"
"Nothing, but I thought you should know."
"I'm not worried."
Lindsay quirked a brow at her statement. As far as he knew, most women would have had a panic attack after having unprotected sex. "Why aren't you worried?"
She decided to focus her attention on the section of the floor that was illuminated by the sunlight. "I take Depo Provera. You know, the birth control shot you get every eleven weeks or so?"
"Oh, well I suppose that makes sense then."
This had to be the most awkward conversation she'd had in her entire life. "Why did you say that I didn't have to worry?"
"My father passed on this trait that makes it impossible for me to get you pregnant unless I really want to."
Alauria focused her attention on his suddenly nervous eyes as she said, "Interesting trait." He nodded, and she wondered if he thought she would become upset by that. "Only you can do this?"
"No, all twelve of us." He waited for her to say something, anything, to let him know that he wasn't wasting their time trying to have a tender moment. But she remained silent. "Fuck, this is awkward." Lindsay stood up and walked back to the window. Maybe if he wasn't distracted by her beautiful face, he'd be able to turn their conversation into something meaningful.
What was she supposed to say? Though they were speaking to each other, they weren't really saying anything. She had a feeling that no matter what she said at this point, it would get turned around into something even more complicated. "If I didn't know any better, I'd think that you regret what happened" Alauria felt her eyes widen and the enraged look in his eyes and gulped nervously as he stormed back to the bed. Relief washed over her as she realized that he wasn't upset that she might have found him out; no, he was livid because she had the audacity to even think her words.
"Are you deliberately trying to piss me off?"
"No, I'm trying to figure out why you're being so damned weird. You're the one who made me promise you forever."
"You remember that?"
"How could I forget?"
"I'm not being weird, Alauria."
"Yes, you are, Lindsay."
Even when she said his name in anger, he felt renewed. The hold she had over him would have been ridiculous had he been turned off by it. Hell, if she knew even half the things that crossed his mind when he thought of her, she would have never thought that he regretted making love to her. Why in the hell would she think that? Irritation made him forget realism. "If you'd get your head out of the clouds for five minutes, you'd see that I'm a little preoccupied trying to save your ass instead of finding new ways to kiss it." He closed his eyes in frustration when the weight of his words washed over him. What the fuck was wrong with him? "I didn't mean that."
Alauria said nothing to his comment; she simply wrapped the bed sheet around herself and got out of the bed. "Alexis said you would bring some of Nadia's clothes here for me."
It annoyed him that she so callously changed the subject. He saw the hurt in her eyes before he closed his and cursed himself for his stupidity. But instead of screaming at him or trying to hurt him back, she simply asked about some clothing, like what he said didn't mean anything. "Alauria-"
"I would really appreciate something to change into after I take a shower."
"The shelves in the bathroom closet pull out to take you to the main closet. The clothes are in there."
"Thank you." She turned to walk to the bathroom but stopped when he took hold of her arm. Alauria didn't completely turn to look at him, but she did shift enough to make eye contact. "What?"
"Can we talk about this?"
"What is there to talk about, Lindsay? Yet again, you've reminded me how important I'm not to you, and that slap in the face is not one I'll soon forget."
"You mean everything to me. I'm doing everything I can to keep you alive." He frowned when she pulled away from him but said nothing to it. "I'm going to take care of Raife, Alauria."
"I know that you will." She looked away from him when she felt the tears well up in her eyes and quickly turned to stare at the entrance of the bathroom. It did no one any good to get emotional over this. "But something tells me that no matter what, this whole situation with Raife will always come between us." With a sigh, she walked toward the bathroom and ignored him as he called out her name. She quietly shut the door in his surprised face then went to turn the shower on.
At the door, Lindsay cursed, enraged at himself for hurting Alauria once again. He saw the tears brimming in her eyes, and his gut twisted painfully at that. It seemed that the only think he knew how to do was either upset her or hurt her feelings. No damned wonder she refused to talk to him in the car. Changes would have to be made if he expected to keep her from hating him, but it seemed as if everything he planned made her dislike him even more. He was damned if he did and damned if he didn't. "Fuck." Before he remembered the meaning of impulse control, Lindsay stormed out of the room and did not stop until he was in the kitchen. He tore through the cabinets, searching for anything that had acceptable alcohol content. Distantly, he was aware of the fact that his brothers stared at him, but he didn't care; he needed something to numb out the feelings that were driving him to distraction.
"What the fuck are you looking for?"
"Alcohol, Liam. And lots of it."
"Is that a good idea?" Alexis asked.
It wasn't the question he asked, but the chastising and judgmental way he asked it that made Lindsay mentally count to ten. "It's a damned good idea, Lex. You don't have to deal with that woman on a day-to-day." He stopped and narrowed his eyes as he remembered that his older brother was the reason for the complications in his life. "I should kill you for what you did."
"What did you do?" Jameson asked as he turned the television off.
"It was going to happen whether or not I sent you."
"And that's supposed to make me feel better?" Lindsay roared.
"What is going on?"
"Never mind, Jameson," Alexis said. He never took his eyes off his enraged and obviously confused brother. Lindsay was always a mess of a man where a woman was concerned, so his behavior didn't surprise him. "You have more important things to deal with right now."
"No shit, Sherlock."