It takes a few days, but the pack falls into an easy rhythm. Our second night there, I walked into the formal dining room to see the plain table had been replaced by a long, hand carved masterpiece with an intricate design. There's a full moon over an expansive lake. I realize immediately that it is meant to be the lake right outside the cabin. The pines surround, looking impossibly realistic. Facing the lake is a wolf pack. There's a knot in the wood at the forefront of the pack, obscuring the wood into a deep reddish brown. There, carved inside the knot is a little wolf and beside her is a larger wolf. The wood on that wolf has been burned, giving the wolf an ashy gray color. Tears form in my eyes, knowing for certain who those two wolves are.
I back up and turn to leave the room, a little too quickly, I guess, because I slam into Grayson who is standing in the entry way. I see the concern in his face and then remember the tears in my eyes. I brush them away, giving him a shaky smile. "It's so beautiful" I tell him, gesturing to the table behind me.
He beams. "I'm glad you like it. It took me a long time to find the right piece of wood. I needed that knot in that exact spot."
My mouth pops open. "You made that?"
He nods and looks a little bashful. Wrapping my arms around him, I say, "I love it" and I wondering if I'm just talking about the table.
We spend every night eating at that table with the whole pack. I stick with the kitchen when tasks are divided amongst the pack. Abram ends up being my biggest helper there. Mandy stays close, but usually ends up being more trouble than she's worth. The first day, she nearly gave us all food poisoning. A day later she just about cut off her finger.
After a week of preparing every meal, Grayson suggests having a day each week that we grill outside instead. He thinks I need a break and I appreciate it, but I really love the kitchen. As the central hub of the house, there are always pack members filtering in and out. I feel like I get a chance to speak to each one.
While I'm preparing beef stew for dinner, Griffin saddles up next to me with a carrot hanging out of his mouth. "Every memory I have of your mother are of her standing in the kitchen. You look so much like her" He tell me.
Instantly, my eyes fill. I put down the knife I was using to chop potatoes and wrap my arms around his waist. He gives me a few awkward pats on the back before wiggling away. He glances at the space behind me nervously and I'm confused until a warm hand touches my shoulder.
I instantly recognize Grayson's scent. He wraps me up in his arms and carries me upstairs to our loft. We lay on the bed as my tears turn to sobs and quiet back down into snuffles. He's stays with me the whole time, stroking my hair and holding me close.
When I finally feel like I can talk I ask him, "How can you miss someone so much that you barely remember?"
"How old were you when she was killed?" He asks me and I'm not surprised that he already knows who I'm talking about. He just seems to have this uncanny sixth sense about me.
"Three" I tell him.
He caresses my face gently. "Barely weaned" He mumbles and he looks sad for me. It is sad and he doesn't even know the worst parts. Looking into his eyes, I know this is the right moment to tell him everything.
"I was there" I whisper and he stops his movements for a moment. With wide eyes he asks, "What?"
"I was there when she was killed" I tell him and go on to explain, "She was pregnant. Very pregnant. So close to the end that she couldn't shift anymore. She took me for a walk to a shallow stream so I could splash around and cool off on a hot summer day. The wolf came out of no where. It was rabid, I think, and there were hunters in the area that I were probably harassing it. She pushed me up in a tree and stood in front. I screamed and screamed for help, but it didn't matter by the time anyone got there."
My sobs start up again and it takes me a moment to catch my breath. Grayson has moved us so that he's sitting upwards against the headboard and I'm cradled in his arms. He rocks and shushes me, kissing my head and wiping away my tears. "It was awful. She kept trying to shift, but the baby was too big. There was blood everywhere. The baby was ripped out of her womb and flung a few feet away." My stomach rolls. I never told anyone that last part. I jump off Grayson's lap and run for the bathroom. I make it just in time to be sick all over the inside of the toilet.
Grayson follows me in and holds back my hair. When I'm done, he uses a damp washcloth to cool off my face and neck. Embarrassed, I brush my teeth while he runs the bath behind me. When I'm done, he strips off my clothes and his and leans back in the tub with me in front of him. I relax back into him.
"There's one more thing," I tell him, my voice just a whisper, "The wolf was gray."
I feel him tense behind me and breathe a curse against my hair. I know what he must be thinking about. When he found me alone in the woods. Him in his wolf form and me in my human. He tackled me to the ground and snarled at me until I submitted, then just ran off into the woods he came from.
"It's okay," I soothe, reaching behind me direct his face towards mine. His eyes are full of regrets. "You were just a child."
He scoffs. "I wondered for years why you were so afraid that day. I thought you knew I would never hurt you. I was just so mad and I wanted you to... fuck," He stops and turns me around to straddle his lap. "That was the day I found out about our mating. When I shifted and ran out of the meeting, I ran into you. Cedar had just taken his mate and it seemed like they could never be apart. Days before that, we had plans to go into town. He promised to get me a new wood-carving knife. Then she went into heat and he was gone with her for three days. I thought I was showing you who was in charge. I wanted to show you that you would never own me."