There was another meeting I was looking forward to all day, Erskine's face echoed through my mind, as I was reliving my encounter with Anne. It was difficult to remember where I was and not throw myself into the memory. I could not help but wonder what tonight would bring. Would we talk and work out logistics? Would he be as cryptic has he has been all along? Would he make love to me again until our screams fill the forest? Damnable questions kept coming and never an answer to be found. Absentmindedly I closed and locked my car up and made my way up the stairs to my apartment. I cleared a space in my living room and went about the preparations to mediate. I moved the coffee table, and lit my candles white for purity one blue and one gold for the Lord and Lady. I stripped down to my new bra and panties that I hoped Erskine would like. I drew my circle with some sea salt, though you could not see it for it had fallen into the rug, I knew it was there. I sat cross legged and close my eyes. I followed the path of my breathing, listening to it rise and fall trying to see the path in my mind's eye. As I relaxed I tied to remember Erskine's light and energy how it filled me, it did not come. I opened my mind's eye to the forest that calls to me, to the path that knows my feet better than I.
One slow step at a time I walked on in search for my lover, I did not call him to me but rather waited for him to make the move. I felt as if I was a piece on a chess board and I did not want to awaken the queen's anger. I did not know the rules here, and this place and the people in it have been friendly, but I know that this is not always the case. They are called the good people out of fear and reverence, not because they are loving and kind. I suddenly did not feel as safe here as I once had, there was no sun that day, no wind, and in fact there was no sound at all. I finally made it to our spot and I knelt down in the grass to make my circle with my finger. I bowed my head down in child's pose as to humble myself before this new presence.
"If I am intruding I am sincerely sorry, my hope is to find peace here not to disrupt yours." I said making sure to keep my head down.
I stayed very still for what seemed like hours but I am sure was only a few moments. I soon felt hands on my shoulders it did not feel like Erskine's and the energy was different this time. I could see on the ground that there was a gold light emanating from this fairy. While the voice was not loud it permeated everything.
"Raise your head child."
Immediately obeying I lifted my eyes to see the most beautiful image, a female fairy surrounded by a golden halo. Her aura was unlike anything I have ever seen, shimmering in golds and opal fires. She knelt as to be eye level with me, her silvery white hair spilling over her shoulders in curls reached to the ground. I had never been in such awe. I could say nothing in reply. She reached her long finger to my chin and helped me to close my mouth, which must have been agape. I could feel the tears rolling down my cheek out of a mix of fear, awe and embarrassment.
"You have nothing to fear, do not cry, I came here to see you. You are very important to us as I am sure you know." I could only reply with a quizzical look.
"Oh I see he has not told you, I am sorry that I will have to leave you more confused than before, but Erskine really should be the one to enlighten you, as to your purpose here. You will see me again when all has been revealed and I shall help you through the process."
Just as I managed to find the words, "What process?" She faded into the mist. "Arrrrggghhh!" Ok even though I was looking for peace, it apparently decided to take a vacation. Who was this woman? Where was my Erskine? I looked around me to see that the sun had returned and the birds were happily chirping again. All had seemed right and in place now. Who ever she was while she was not scary, I knew that she was someone of great power here. I have never seen and aura shimmer and glow like that, Erskine's was beautiful and strong but nothing like her's. I wonder what she meant about my purpose and what purpose could I possibly have; I am nothing, a nobody, if you will. There can be no connection other than Erskine between the fairy realm and I. I assumed no one else had known of my presence here. I mean I have noticed that I am a bit on the gifted side when it comes to spirituality, but not much more than anyone else who studies. After much pondering, I released my circle and asked my leave. I stood up and made my way to my door between worlds. I know that may seem pretty powerful, but I know lots of meditators who use doors to enter their peaceful place. How was I to know that my safe place was in the fairy realm? Besides I did not know one could even end up there through meditation alone.
I reached the door and slowly turned the knob hoping for Erskine to meet me here before I left. He did not come. What could I do? My eyes opened to nearly extinguished candles and a slightly saltier rug. The room smelled nice and looked ready for a bit of romance, but I guess that was not to be for tonight. I let my breathing regulate itself before I actually stood up. I wanted to savor the relaxed feeling I had, for I knew that all too soon I would be tensing up again over the questions rumbling trough my mind.
I went to my desk and sat down, not bothering to dress again. I actually liked sitting there in my cute lingerie set. I liked the contrast between my white skin and the green lace, I felt a bit like a fairy myself. I took out my diary and recorded the past few days' events. I do not write consistently in it, but I try to document the big events in my life and people I feel may be important. This certainly warranted documenting, besides with my terrible memory it would serve me well later to remember what may turn out to be important details. If I do indeed have a greater purpose, it would behoove me to be a bit prepared. I do suspect though that there is not much I can do to prepare, other than be open minded and ready for an adventure.
After writing I went to my kitchen to prepare some dinner, I made a simple fare of soup and a sandwich. Comfort food seemed best suited for a day like this. I could not bear to be alone so I made my way to the living room and curled up on my comfy couch for some good food and good TV. I turned to some lifetime movie of the week, a good way to make one feel better about the drama happening in their own life. My mind though kept switching between the movie and what I was trying to forget. I just wanted to be near him and touch him again, but he did not come to me tonight and I knew dwelling on it would not help.
All night I went trough the motions, everything was merely lame attempts at distraction. I reached behind me to undo the hooks on my bra and slid one arm free at a time. I traced my fingers around each hard nipple, they almost looked angry to be so exposed to the cold and out of their cradles. I felt the weight of each, in my hand trying to relive Erskine's touch and playfulness. I hooked my thumbs on each side of my panty and slid them down and over my now naked behind. Even though it was larger than I liked I did have to admit that the skin was quite smooth and pink. I decided that since I was sans man for the night that I really should not deprive myself of a night's enjoyment.
Lying down on my cool soft sheets, I tried to feel how my skin reacted to the texture. I felt a little chilled but savored the almost satiny feeling of it. I loved how cotton, unlike satin had a little friction to it. It smelled of lavender, almost like Erskine but not quite. It was as if he was there with me. I touched the outside of my flower as if tying to awaken it from a long winter. Slowly I could feel it blossom and grow. I took my finger and slowly circled the center bud over and over, that too blossomed. I could feel my body getting slick with perspiration and goose pimples growing hastily out of self defense. My breathing became harder and deeper as my fingers continued their delicious work. My love's face looking over me kept crossing my mind to fuel the fire. The memory of Erskine's slow and tantalizing entrance and subsequent filling brought me to the brink of ecstasy.
