The next morning esme's head was a complete whirlwind mess, she had had little to no sleep, but she kept to her word and met clara for lunch that afternoon. She tried her hardest to put on a "everything's ok" front. This was one subject she didn't want to discuss because if she did, she would have to face it all over again and answer questions she didn't know the answers too.
"So tell me again why things didn't go to plan with josh. I just don't get it mee mee it's like you enjoy being on your own babe, how is that good for you?"
Esme pushed the pasta round her plate not feeling even the slightest bit hungry.
"I can't give you an answer clara. Not one that you will be satisfied with anyway." Esme smiled taking a sip of her drink.
Clara scoffed.
"You're the one that can't be satisfied, i mean is this what its all about? Are you waiting for the perfect guy? 'Cus let me tell you, there aint no perfect guy. Take riley, i love him to death and I'm marrying him, but god knows he aint perfect mee mee."
Esme laughed at her best friend. She loved her honesty, and even though clara was often wrong, she wasn't waiting for any "perfect guy" she could always count on her to keep it real.
"No its not that. I guess I'm just enjoying life on my own right now, i don't feel any urgency to be in a relationship." Esme paused attempting a spoonful of pasta but chose against it when the overly garlic smell offended her nose.
"Im done with dating sites as well, the right person for me will come along in their own time I'm not pushing it anymore."
Some of alistairs words from last night forced their way into esme's mind, forcing her to re-live the night before. She again felt sick to the stomach that she had given a phycho crazy man her time. How could she have thought going to a strangers house was a good idea. His words danced through her head.
"Esme it's not a coincidence that all of your previous relationships have failed. It's not a coincidence that you never felt a connection with any of them, and yet you have with me. From the moment you were born esme your destiny was with me, your destiny was chosen before you were born. I have waited so so long just to be able to look at you."
Esme felt the colour draining from her cheeks again. Deep down she knew that wouldn't be the last she saw of him. She couldn't even play with the idea that he may have been telling the truth, it was just craziness.
Clara suddenly sighed making esme jump.
"Aslong as your happy mee mee, you deserve that. And if being single is what you feel is best then stay as you are, but I'm not going to lie i worry about you. Look how jumpy and pale you are today. Are you sleeping alright?"
Esme nodded over enthusiastically and took another gulp of her drink, trying to mask her fear.
"Yeah I'm good, I'm fine i just feel a bit queasy, probably just a stomach bug or something will be fine."
Clara stared at esme for a few seconds before nodding sympathetically. She knew fully that esme wasn't as ok as she tried to make out (which she was always terrible at) but she couldn't force anything out of her. Esme could be such a closed book sometimes, and forcing a subject did more harm than good, clara knew her well enough to know that and didn't ask any more questions. Esme glanced up at the clock and realised she had to go.
"Oh jeez clara i've got to run, can we finish this catch up later on in the week? I have a meeting with an estate agent."
Clara looked up at esme in alarm as she stood up.
"Estate agent? Esme what's going on? Why haven't you told me your moving?"
It suddenly occurred to esme that she indeed hadn't mentioned it to clara. She hadn't thought things through herself properly, she was doing everything at 100 miles an hour. She emailed the estate agent last night after getting home. It was a spur of the moment decision but she didn't feel safe in this area of London anymore. She wanted to get as far away as possible. From him. She hadn't meant to just blurt it out, she had planned to tell clara after she had sold up, to avoid all the - "should you be doing this?" and the - "why are you doing this? Its too quick. What's brought this on?" remarks.
"Im sorry clara, i was going to tell you. I decided last night that i want to downsize, that's all nothing to cause drama over."
Clara glared at esme in confusion and disbelief.
"Esme. You grew up in that house. Its the one main thing your parents left you. I don't understand, why would you want to move, to leave behind all your memories, to leave behind somewhere you feel the closest to your parents in? What's happened, i know something isn't right esme, tell me!"
