Connor Thomas

I think all stories reflect the inner workings of an author

Even if no one knows what they are.

True artistry comes from ones soul.

Even black has a reflection.

-     The Rev.

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Steps I take in your footsteps

Are getting me closer to what is left

Of the dreams of what I was trained to know

Within my bones this resonates

Boiling blood will circulate

Could you tell again what you did this for?

-Rise Against

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I am on fire. The inferno quickly spreading through my whole body. Feels like everything, muscles, bones and skin are in flames. I try to scream but nothing comes out. My eyes pop open and I see a blurry form above me. Blinking, my focus sharpens and it is a man holding my head still. My whole body thrashing as I try to scream again. Something is blocking my throat.

"It worked," the man, Desmond, yeah that's who it is, says. "He's shifting."

"Hurry pull out the breathing tube before he bites it off," someone yells.

My whole body is convulsing. I can feel my body stretching, changing but realize I am strapped down.

"Holy shit, he's going to tear through the restraints." People are shouting orders; I can't concentrate as my body burns from the inside out. Feels like a knife is jammed into my thigh. It makes me buck harder against the restraints.

"Hold him down." I can't tell how many people are here. Feels like hands are everywhere, holding me down, scorching my skin. Someone else appears near my head, grips the thing in my mouth and begins pulling it out. The pain in my throat and burning in my lungs reaches the limit. Spots flash before my eyes before I slip into nothingness.

Next time I come to I am grateful that my body is no longer an inferno. I feel strangely content but there is still pain in my side. I know I am lying on my side and can feel straps across my midsection. I open my eyes and think I must be dreaming. My vision sharper, hearing sensitive, I look down the muzzle on my face. I can feel a hand stroking down my back, across my fur covered body. I try to lift my head but it feels like it weighs a thousand pounds. I try to say something to whoever is petting me but it comes out as a whine.

"You're awake," an Immortal says coming into view. I'm sure I know her, her smell is familiar but a growl rumbles through my chest. Her smile turns into a frown as I continue growling. She moves out of sight but I can hear her talking to someone.

'What is wrong with me?' I think.

'Kill' a voice answers.

'Kill what?'

'Everyone. Everything.'

'I don't want to.'

'Shut up Connor. I am in control now.'

'Rodrique?' My confusion is growing.

Suddenly the most wonderful smell ever envelops me. I focus on the woman in front of me. She reaches out tentatively and strokes my head. I try to speak but another whine comes out.

"It's okay baby. I'm here, I won't go anywhere. Just relax, you need to rest. Not much longer and you will be healed." I lick her hand as it moves down my muzzle.

'Mine' Rodrique growls. I feel my body begin to struggle.

"Calm down Connor," she is still petting, trying to sooth me.

'Rodrique, not that pussy Connor' my wolf snarls. Candice's eyes open wide like she heard him. My wolf hates me, what have I ever done to him? 'You trapped me.'

'My parents did that when I was just a boy'

'I have taken over, so sit back and enjoy the ride. Just like I have from my prison for twenty five years.' With that I feel the fire beginning in my limbs. Suddenly I am struggling against the bonds as my body shifts to hybrid form.

"Connor, I mean Rodrique, calm down. I don't want you to hurt yourself," Candice pleads.

'Mine. My mate. Going to show you Candice.' That quickly, my body has changed and my claws rip through the restraints. Candice tries to move around us as my hybrid form rolls off the table. On our feet quickly, blocking her attempt to escape. As Rodrique blocks the door I realize his intentions. With everything I have I try to stop him. I know is sounds weird that I am battling myself but who knew my wolf would go this crazy. Okay Vivian did say something about raping and killing.

"Shift," we growl at Candice.

"It doesn't have to be this way," she pleads.

"I said shift now bitch" Her eyes grow wide and I can see the tears as she shakes her head. "Not going to shift? I'm more than happy to force you to." My voice sounds so weird coming from the half wolf face.

Candice takes a fighter stance as we lunge for her. She ducks and kicks out at my wounded side. The pain shoots through me but only seems to enrage my wolf. Turning to face her we see that she has shifted. My wolf laughs inside my head. Maybe because this is the first time he has fought in true form. Candice manages to avoid most blows, landing quite a few of her own. I can feel blood welling up in some of the deeper scratches. My wolf has a one track mind but I am vaguely aware of shouting voices and a commotion behind us. It obviously distracts Candice because my wolf takes advantage and trips her, our body following to pin her down.

'No!' I am screaming, still trying to stop Rodrique and take back control of my body. I know his intention. He is ripping at the clothing still on her. Erection straining, ready for action. Candice is fighting, claws raking our face. A sinister growl is the only answer. Forcing her legs apart, my wolf positions our cock for penetration.

Obviously he is focused on his goal because he doesn't expect what happens. Several, equally furred bodies slam into us. Ripped off of Candice as they attempt to control us. Snarling, snapping we look around for our mate. Candice is being rushed out of the room. My wolf howls in rage and fights harder with the three Weres trying to gain control. The focus changing to the attackers. That is how Rodrique sees them. Rolling around with two Weres, we finally wrestle free. Trying to get his balance to attack the other, we feel claws grab our ankle. Pulling our feet out from under, we hit the floor hard. The Weres attempt to pin us but Rodrique bites at hands, laughing as he tastes blood. His free leg shoots out to kick one in the balls. Luckily it was the one holding our ankle. Free again, he tries to untangle himself from the surrounding attackers.

Finally getting his feet under him, Rodrique launches at the Were closest to the door. Hand going for his throat as we make contact. He turns using our momentum to fling us across the room, into a wall. The wall is very thick but I feel it crack as my head and upper body take the brunt of the hit. Stunned Rodrique shakes our head, trying to clear out the fuzz. Before he can react the wolves are on us. One has a huge needle and slams it into my thigh. Rodrique still tries to fight, huge paw swiping at the hand holding the needle. We pull the needle out and crush it in hand. Growling low, Rodrique pushes off from the wall and slams full body into the Were. That's where it ends. Another sharp pain flares through my shoulder. Rodrique twists violently, trying to reach the second needle. It's useless our body goes limp, I see the ceiling tiles then everything goes black.

Someone is talking quickly in French. It takes a moment for my mind to translate.

"Worthless piece of shit. Won't fight, won't mate. What good are you? Won't be long now before I am in total control. I could have won that fight, you held me back. Three Weres against their true Alpha. What a laugh but did I win noooo......." I realize Rodrique is in a tangent. Continuing to berate me and talk all kinds of weird shit.

Things slowly start to come into focus. I am strapped into a chair. Looking around the room it looks like we are in a cave. Damp dirt and rocks sticking out in sharp angles. The floor dips slightly downward at each opening. There are two of them, one to my left and directly across to my right.

"Where am I?"

"In your mind dumb shit." Slowly I walk in front of myself. Well it is not exactly me. This Connor is definitely taller, yellow eyes and sharp teeth. Rodrique shouldn't look like me, somehow I thought of him as different. "We are different. You are a worthless pussy. Do you know how many times over the years I have watched you let woman walk all over you? You're a fucking Alpha male. They should bow at your feet. You have had a few nice pieces of ass but that doesn't make for the lack of the other."

Looking down at my body I see I am dressed at least, even though my wrists, forearms, shoulders and torso are tied. My legs are equally covered from thigh to ankle.

"Not taking any chance huh?" I ask Rodrique. He stops his muttering and pacing to look at me.

"You are stronger than I thought. Figured once unbound you would embrace me and we could play but no," dragging out the last word, "We had the chance to fully claim our mate and you didn't take it."

"She was scared; you were going to rape her."

"She's a wolf, she knows the way. Alphas prove dominance with force. Overcoming any contender even your mate. She must know you are the strength and absolute power of the relationship. Your word is law, not just to her but to all. At your worthless state you wouldn't even win an Alpha challenge."

"I never asked to be this, forced to fight others, kill. That is not who I am."

"Yes it is." He hisses in my face. I can see his face has a different shape, the wolf showing clearly. "I am you," he snarls in my face, "you are me." I swallow hard looking into his feral eyes, rage barely contained.

"I am not violent and I don't rape women," my voice coming out stronger than I thought. His lips curve up slowly in a wolfish grin. Then he laughs, backing up as he doubles over. "What's so funny?" I snap after a minute. He stands and wipes tears from his eyes, still grinning.

"Think back, you never forced the Immortal? Didn't you kill the wolf during the fight?"

"That was you."

"No," shaking his head. He pokes me in the chest. "That was you." His claw trails down my chest, cutting through my shirt and slicing open my skin. I grit my teeth to hold in a scream. "Hurts, doesn't it?" He stops midway down and twists his claw deeper into my body. This time I can't stop the scream. He is laughing again as he steps back. Slowly bringing his finger to his mouth, savoring the taste of my blood. "I think those Immortals are right. You do taste delicious. I can't believe you almost let them kill us. If I wouldn't have pushed them from your mind, we would be dead."

"Fuck you." I start struggling against my bonds. He just watches as I exhaust myself. Eventually I am sweating and breathing hard.

"Finished?" I spit at him. "Okay then. They are trying to wake us. You sit and watch as I get us out of this hell." He turns and walks away down the right path, his humming reverberating off the stone.

Suddenly I am awake. Lying naked in a corner, a piece of cloth covering my shivering body. At least I am in human form. I go to get up but nothing happens. I hear Rodrique laughing. Slowly my body begins to move. Standing, he stretches as he takes in the room. Three metal walls, the fourth has a piece of mirrored glass. There is a barred door like in prison cells but another door is closed behind it so all I see is more metal.

"Good morning Connor," a male voice says. Sounds like the voice is coming from all sides but Rodrique turns toward the glass. He scowls at the reflection, looking up and down the length of our body. He seems disappointed somehow.

'Of course, look how short we are. Are you even six foot?" Looking into the mirror again.

"How are you feeling today Connor?" the voice pulls Rodrique from his critiquing.

"I am feeling very good. You can let me out now," he responds. I start laughing. "What?" He asks out loud

'I don't speak French you moron.'

"I see. Good morning Rodrique," the voice responds. Rodrique responds with a string of curse words in French.

'Great plan you had. Like they are going to let us out,' I keep laughing.

'You better zip it. When I come back I will finish you off and rule on my own.'

'You can try.' He snarls inside our head. Clearly dismissing me he begins speaking at the glass again.

"You caught me but that is fine. Connor gladly gave over control to me. He knows I am the stronger and what is needed to win the war." A light turns on in the room behind the glass. There are two men and a woman behind it. I recognize Desmond as the speaker. Vivian stands against the wall with her arms over her chest. I have no idea who the third man is.

"Bullshit," I shout. I can see the shock on Rodrique's face as my words come out of our mouth. I see Vivian shake her head with a sad look on her face. Desmond obviously turned off the microphone because their lips are moving but I don't hear anything.

'What are they saying?' Rodrique growls in my head. My lack of answer makes him madder. Vivian obviously doesn't like the conversation because she talks animatedly before walking out.

'Look what you did, dumbass. Vivian is the only one on our side. All others think we are an experiment.'

'I don't care about the Immortal. All this time you've been fucking for recreation, not procreation. You are a poor excuse for a wolf.'

'I never was a wolf, until today. I never knew you existed, so get over yourself'

"Rodrique, are you still with us?"

"Oui, just waiting for Connor to shut his mouth."

"So he is still in there with you?"

"Isn't that what I just said. Fucking idiots. I am Rodrique Connor. Pure born Alpha of the Loch Diergeirt Paca. I demand my mate be brought to me this instance."

'I'm sure they will wilt to your superiority,' laughing hysterically.

"Your mate?" Desmond asks, "You mean Candice?"

"Yes," he growls, "you have to the count of five and I come out looking for her."

"Calm down Rodrique. She is here. To let you know this is the most resistant glass to fire, bullets and supernatural strength."

"You ever tested it on an Alpha?"

"Well..."

"That's five." Rodrique shifts quicker this time. The pain is not as bad as before. When he stands an even six and a half feet, in his hybrid form, he checks himself out in the mirrored glass. After a moment of admiration he rushes the glass, flinging his whole body against it. The first time he bounces off, the next try he hits shoulder first and a crack bursts in the glass. After that he continues to rush the glass making the crack spider web out. They must have left the mike on because I hear someone shout.

"Should he be able to do that?" I don't get to hear the response because he hits the glass again. This time a hole forms. He stops bashing against it and begins clawing the hole bigger, working his mouth into it. He bites a chunk off and shakes his head, flinging it across the room. At that moment the inner door opens. Half a dozen of our brethren pour in. Rodrique stretches to full height, which is still six inches shorter than them. A growl rumbles from our chest as he runs our tongue along the sharp teeth. All others are on alert ready for us to spring into action. Nothing happens. Rodrique snarls loudly trying to make his body move. It is taking every ounce of strength to hold him. All I am thinking is human, I want to be myself. All of a sudden our body collapses to the floor in human form.

"Did you see that?" someone sounds awed.

"Connor?" Vivian asks from the hole in the glass.

"Hey baby, I..I..." I lose consciousness.

Rodrique is flying through the doorway and I jump on his back. We tumble and roll across the floor. He switches from full wolf to my alter-ego. We keep swinging, kicking and cursing as we wrestle. Finally we settle down and stare at one another as we try to catch our breath. His scratches and broken nose heal instantaneously.

"I am not a pussy."

"You are quicker than I thought."

"Like it is possible for you to have separate thoughts."

"I do. Our difference is you could never hear me. I have felt every pleasure, every pain in our life."

"All of it?"

"Yes, from the day of birth to our current state."

"You remember mother and father?"

"Many memories will be yours if you accept this," motioning to his form.

"Every day?"

"Even that day, yes."

"Show me," I demand.

The dingy basement apartment. I loved living in the earth. I pretended my mother and I lived in a cave in the woods. I remember how upset she would get with me when I pretended to be a wolf. I was kept hidden at home as much as possible. She worked as a seamstress during the day, doing most sewing during daylight. During the nights I was forced to play in the dark closet, always pretending I was on a scouting mission. Sometimes I was in a human war, others I was a lion watching grazing gazelles. Anything to block out the sounds from the room beyond. A three year old doesn't comprehend the atrocity but my wolf knew.

The night I asked about is in full swinging. My mother tucked me away in the closet with my stuffed animals. I was used to her conversational chatter with the men. She was working hard to learn the American dialect. The thing I have to admit now is she was a prostitute, but that night the conversation was different. The male didn't ask her to do the usual gross things to him.

"I know it is you," the male accused.

"Well yes," she answered slowly, "you made the appointment."

"Don't play coy, bitch. They are all searching for you. Give me the boy, I will seek asylum for you with my Alpha." The male didn't like her answer because all denials died on her lips. I remember the door ripped open, light blinding me as Super Wolf (it was a dog but to me it was more than that) took down a giraffe. The man before me was very big like my Daddy but then he yanked me out of the closet. I bit and scratched as he tried to control me. Then he was shaking me like a ragdoll. I saw my mother naked and covered in blood, carelessly tossed across the bed. Then I couldn't breathe, his yellow eyes looked sad. That is the last thing Rodrique shows me.

"What about the rest?"

"You already know how we became this human."

"I mean where is our mother's murderer?"

"Trust me, I will never forget those eyes. We will search the world over for his head."

"That makes me no different from Roderin."

"We are different. Our ancestor was born into this. Roderin was and still is a creature of greed. All wolves dream of being an Alpha but only few are ever born with the blood to be one. Plus to avenge our father's life we must also avenge our mother."

"How do you know so much?"

"Father taught everything he could in our few shared years."

I stand at the edge of a forest. All the trees cleared from around the circle. I am looking in from the west; a platform is to the south side, carved out of the mountain itself. At the very base of the slope are two and a half foot tree stumps circling the entire thing, blackened carvings on each. Not five feet behind me the forest is thick and crowding. The black pools of blood give the circle a darker haze. Some Weres stand and shout as a male stands on the dais and slits the throat of an infant. That male is Roderin. I may not know him by sight but his aura is tattooed on my brain.

The crowd erupts into more violence as Immortals and more Weres pour from the forest. Just like the feeling with Roderin, I recognize Arden the moment he is behind his brother. The battle wages, bodies drop by the dozens. An arm grips my shoulder tight as I watch Roderin and Arden face off. Like me my great, great grandfather has a big height disadvantage but he is in no short supply of lethal speed.

Then it is over. Bodies of each race litter the ground. Roderin and his remaining wolves are fleeing. Arden is on his knees, cradling the infant. I see Vivian climb up to stand beside him. She places her hand on his shoulder and I see her lips move. Arden bends over in complete anguish.