Liam was still smiling as he walked toward the kitchen. The mix of bewilderment and rage that contorted Xan's face after their interlude was one that he was sure to remember. After his last comment to her, she only pushed him away before walking out of the room. When he thought about it, Liam should have called her retreat a run; she was out of the room in less than ten seconds, tugging on the hem of her shirt on the way. It was then that they both realized that the door was wide open; any of his brothers could have walked by and saw the end result of their clashing personalities. Liam didn't care, but he knew that Xan would have been mortified; he wasn't sure if he should have been pleased or upset by that.
He had no idea what was going on between him and the fiery woman; as it was, he was barely doing any work in solving the problem that was Sherlaine. That only meant that his brothers took on more responsibility in their search for answers. Part of him didn't care; Liam was curious about the progression of his odd relationship with Xan. When he wasn't busy hating the ground she walked on and letting her know it, he wanted to know her. He wondered what her life was like and how she managed to keep herself together after all that had happened to her. He wanted her to confide in him, to depend on him above all others. He wanted her to forget about the Magori; he didn't know the dynamics of their relationship, but that didn't stop him from feeling as if he was competing with a ghost. Once Liam succeeded, then he would consider the deeper meaning of his attraction to her.
Liam rounded a corner and grunted when the lower half of his body knocked into something. It took him only seconds to realize that he'd run into Xion, and by the harsh flush that took over her tear-streaked face, he knew why. As he crouched, he dodged a panicked fist that flew toward his face and pulled the child to him in a tight hug. He remembered reading that pressure on the body helped autistic children when they had panic attacks and figured the method would work on Xion as well. "Listen to my voice, Xion," he soothed. Liam tightened his hold on her and managed to reach around to massage her ear the way he'd observed Xan in the workout room. Xion shook uncontrollably in his arms as she continued to fight his hold. She repeatedly cried out for her sister and pushed as his chest, but Liam held fast, rubbing her back until she began to relax. It felt as if hours passed before she began to take deeper breaths. "That's it, just breathe. It's all right; I'm here."
Xion felt awkward being engulfed in Liam's arms, but the heat of his body soothed her. She wished Xan was here, but that didn't negate the fact that he did a very good job at calming her down. The way he rubbed her back was a bit painful, but it was still worked in making her feel better. "Where is Xan?"
He wasn't about to tell a nine-year-old that her sister was probably off taking a cold shower because he made her hot enough to combust. "She's somewhere in the house. All better now?" Liam gave her a pat on the back when she slowly nodded. Her tiny body continued to tremble, but she was able to stand on her own without leaning into him. "I'll take you back to your room." Before she could say anything, he swept her up into his arms and carried her back to the room she shared with Xan. Her sister wasn't in there, which he figured since Xion ran passed the room in the search for her sister. He placed her on the bed and sat down on the edge, as he was unsure of the intelligence of leaving her on her own. "Did you forget to take your medication again?"
"No, I took it this morning."
Of course she did; Xan would have made sure of it. "Maybe you just need a few more days before it really starts to work." Xion only shrugged, which successfully made him uncomfortable unable to think of anything adult to say. "What's it like?"
"When I get scared?"
If that was what she wanted to call it. "Yes. What happens?"
Xion stared off into space for a few minutes before she spoke. "I get dizzy and I don't feel good."
"What do you mean?"
"I feel like I'm going to throw up and my skin feels strange." She paused for a moment, searching for the right description of her symptoms. "Like when your foot is waking up when you sit the wrong way."
"A tingly feeling."
Xan nodded before she continued. "And then I see them."
"See who?"
"I don't know."
Liam expected her to go on explaining her experience, but Xion remained silent and focused her attention on the far wall. "Talk to me, Xion."
"I don't know what I see. Sometimes different places. Dark places that scare me. Sometimes I see things. Demons I think."
"How do you know they are demons?"
"Xan doesn't know that I could hear her and Pogue talking some nights."
So it was entirely possible that deep-seeded fear of her sister's extracurricular activities was the root of Xion's panic disorder. It made sense; the child was too young to be exposed to the life they lived. While Liam was tempted to become enraged on the child's behalf, he couldn't completely blame Xan. She was doing what she could to provide for her sister and when living in a time where jobs were hard to come by for people lacking an education, she had to take any opportunity available to make money. Liam made a mental note to talk to Xan before the day was out. That was if he saw her, anyway; she might avoid him until the end of the week. "When I was your age, I used to have bad dreams all the time."
"What kind of bad dreams?"
"I used to see scary things too. I used to try to stay awake all night so that I wouldn't have to be scared in the dark."
There was something in the way he spoke that prompted Xion to listen closely to what he said. It didn't help that it was hard to believe that someone like him could be afraid of anything. "You had nightmares?"
"Oh yea," Liam replied with a far off smile, "Sometimes I would wake up so scared that I would hide under the bed." Not because of bad dreams, but that wasn't something the kid needed to know.
"How did you make it stop?"
"It took a long time, but I learned that the scary things I saw couldn't hurt me when I pretended I was somewhere else."
At that Xion sat up. "Where?"
"Anywhere," Liam answered with a simple shrug. "Someplace far away where I was safe and didn't have to worry about scary things."
"Like the park?"
Not quite. "Something like that. After a while, I didn't get scared anymore."
"Because you went to your happy place."
"Because I went to my happy place." He ran a hand over the back of her head in a show of comfort as he said, "It takes a lot of practice, but once you think of where you want to go and what it would be like, you can chase those bad visions away."
"I'm going to start right now." Xion closed her eyes and thought hard of the one place that made her happy. Greenery emerged in her mind's eye and soon an empty meadow became filled with climbing structures, swing sets and club houses for her to play in.
Liam sighed at the concentration that contorted Xion's face. She was so focused on her thoughts that she did not realize that she'd grabbed his hand in a near death grip. The simple show of her lack of physical comfort tore at his heart and yet again, he couldn't decide if he wanted to pity or hate her sister for her lax judgment of Xion's needs. Xan's responsibilities for Xion's physical being continued to conflict with the child's need for emotional nurturing, which no doubt resulted in her random fits of mental instability. Changes would have to be made in both of their lives and those changes needed to start now.
Liam hadn't realized that he'd lost himself in his mind until Xion poked his shoulder with her tiny finger. "Were you thinking about your happy place too?"
"Not really. I'm not the one who was scared."
Xion nodded quietly. "Will you take me to the library?"
"Alexis didn't show you how to get there?"
"He did, but he doesn't talk very much."
Liam allowed himself to smile at the half insult. "No, he doesn't."
"Well, I was reading those books he told me about and every time I asked him to explain something to me, he wouldn't tell me anything."
Which probably meant that the information was either too advanced for Xion's young years or had to be interpreted by her when the time was right. "And you think that I can help you?"
"You tell the truth, even if it's not so nice all the time."
A child who knew how to hit a nail on the head. "You're more observant than I realized."
Xion only smiled as she said, "Draco lied when he said you're a mean mother-" she stopped when Liam placed a large hand over her mouth.
"Mind your language," Liam admonished. Finally, he understood Xan's command to censor himself when she was around. Xion was a quiet child, but she learned by watching. He had to have a serious talk with his brother later on. "You sure you're better?" At her nod, he stood up and held a hand out to her. "Let's see what we can find in the library."
* * * * *
Sherlaine writhed on the ground as the consequences of his latest attempt at portal opening failed. As he lay on the ground gasping for breath he cursed himself. The pain was more unbearable than the first time he tried to open the portal door. He was weakened far more than he would have liked; had any of his enemies come upon him now, he would have had to endure the pain that came with rebirth. As much as this currently sucked, he preferred it to rebirth. "Saveena," he gasped.