Apprehended: Chapter Twenty-Three
I awoke the morning after New Year's feeling tired and unresolved.
So unresolved that sleep eluded me. Ethan woke before me, heading into the shower quietly. I waited patiently, yearning to discuss what we had the night before. No matter how much pain it caused, I wanted to know where we stood. For the moment, we weren't in a good place. I didn't want that streak to continue. Nor did I particularly like the idea of Ethan being unhappy. Though-at this point-I wasn't too pleased myself.
"Good morning," he said, exiting the bathroom. "Did I wake you?
I ran a hand through my knotted hair, catching his scent. He smelled of soap and shampoo. "No."
He moved to his dresser wearing jeans and a tee shirt. "I would ask if you slept well. But your eyes say otherwise."
"Yeah, well, it's hard to find rest after what happened."
There was a heartbeat of silence. "Indeed."
I glanced at the time. "Why are you up so early?"
"I called Baldridge first thing." He wrapped his hair up in a bun at his nape. "How are you feeling?"
"Fine," I said.
"Any nausea?"
"No."
"Are you hungry?"
"No."
"Well, you can't stay without eating," he said.
"I'm not hungry, Ethan."
He stared, resting his weight against his dresser. "Nonetheless, you must eat to stay healthy."
"Look," I said, pushing hair away from my face. "You don't have to."
"I don't have to what?"
"Hover. I'm fine."
"Can I not protect my mate? Can I not make sure that you are comfortable? That my young is safe and well cared for within you?"
I shrugged, remembering what he told me. That he wasn't angry, but he wasn't happy about it either. As if it were solely
my
fault. "Not when you don't want this," I blurted.
"I never said that," he barked.
"You said that you weren't happy," I reminded him.
"Don't misconstrue my words," he replied, folding his thick arms across his chest. "I worry, plain and simple. Just because I am concerned for your welfare and the welfare of my young does not mean that I don't want this. I just can't be one-hundred percent on board the fucking happy train knowing that there is a high potentiality of miscarriage or death, Luna. My concern for your safety above all else isn't simply going to vanish. It doesn't work like that. It isn't going to be replaced by feigned sentiments either. Do you understand?"
"I get that," I said in frustration. "But being upset about it isn't going to help me in the long run."
"Not upset," he amended. "Concerned. There is a difference."
"Yeah, well it comes off as rather upsetting."
"Because you twist my words," he shot back.
Ugh. This was getting us nowhere. "I don't want to argue, Ethan."
"On that, we agree," he said, pushing off the dresser. "Get up. Shower. Get dressed." He looked at his watch. "Baldridge said he would be here soon." He approached the bed and removed the quilt, offering me a hand.
I scowled. I couldn't help it. He was obnoxiously infuriating sometimes. A trait I was beginning to truly loathe. Like some sort of immovable, impenetrable force unwilling to bend beyond the limits of its reach.
He gave me a look. "Be angry with me all you want, Luna. But I will still take care of you even when you're impossibly vexed." He wiggled his fingers. "Come here."
I muttered under my breath and took his warm palm with shaky fingers. He pulled me up as if I weighed nothing, invading my space to press a kiss across my forehead. His scent wafted into my nose and I inadvertently leaned in, stopping short of nearly burying my face in his chest and wrapping my arms around him.
Ethan had an odd capacity to break down my defenses. Even at my angriest, he penetrated my barriers with ease. Now was no different. And a small part of me hated it. Hated the fact that he had me wrapped around his finger; easily pliable and swayed.
Only...I didn't need to close the small distance. Ethan did it for me, pulling me into his large, hard body and pressing me into his muscular chest. He threaded his fingers into my hair and we simply stood there, holding each other. No more words were exchanged. And all the irritation and dysfunctionality of our situation washed away as if they never existed. I sighed deeply, feeling so fucking tired, that sleep alone could not ease the fatigue within my being.
I inched just a little closer, allowing him to wrap his arm around me and hold me for however long we had. It didn't seem like enough. Not nearly enough. All too soon, he pulled away, taking his warmth with him. He grabbed my chin and lifted my head, my eyes meeting his.
I expected him to say something...anything. An apology. A shared I love you. Perhaps even a nudge into the bathroom to get me moving. But he didn't do that. He kissed me instead.
And what a kiss it was.
It was deep and filled with the pain of what took place. It was filled with the love he had for me...and the passion that burned my own body in a flame of need. I lifted my body up a little to wrap my arms around his neck, pulling as much of him as I close as I possibly could.
He followed on a growl, pressing me into his warmth until I could barely breath from the severity of his strength and need. God, he felt so good. His body was thick, wide and strong; blanketing me perfectly in his warmth and safety. He continued to kiss me thoroughly, his mouth tasting of toothpaste and mouthwash. My fingers delved into his wet hair, coiling and knotting the strands around my palm tightly until the bun at his nape spilled free and his glorious locks were on my knuckles...in my palms...in my nails and in my soul. I never wanted to let him go. No matter how angry I was. No matter how infuriating he was. He was mine as much as I was his.
But...
Then he stopped.
He pulled away slowly, his breath short and his chest heaving. He made a sound in the back of his throat. One of protest and I could tell that he wanted to continue just as much as I did.
"As much as I want to pleasure you right now, mea vita, you must get ready. Baldridge will be here in less than ten minutes."
I sighed heavily, feeling a bit grim...and needy. It felt like the beginnings of make-up sex. I wanted that. I wanted to close the metaphorical space between us. If not now, then definitely later. "Can we finish later?" I asked, my voice a little thick from desire.
He smiled. "I vow it." He tucked hair behind my ear and lowered himself to sweep me into his arms.
"Ethan!" I gasped, flying high into the air. I was
not
expecting that. "What are you doing?"
He tucked me into his body as he carried me to the bathroom. "Carrying you," he said. "Obviously."
"Obviously," I repeated. "The question is why? I am perfectly capable of walking."