I dreamed while I was asleep. I dreamed that I was a bird, witnessing my life from afar. I saw a fifteen-year-old girl dressed in black at her parents' funeral. Her hair was short and curly, and her eyes had dark circles beneath them. A boy walked up to her and said a few words. When she looked at him, there was nothing in her eyes save two emotions. Grief, of course, and something that promised danger. Like a child looking into the eyes of a rabid dog. Without saying anything to the boy, the girl walked away and got into a silver Mercedes Benz.
Suddenly I was flying, trees and sky blurring together and the wind roaring in my ears. When I saw the girl again, she was older. Her curly hair was longer. The air was muggy and hot, and she wore only a tank top, jean cutoffs and workbooks. In one hand she held a bucket full of feed and in the other she held an empty canvas satchel. She walked into a large barn that was a couple hundred meters from a giant plantation house. After dumping the feed into a trough in front of a large, brown horse. Before the horse could start feeding, she stuck her hand into the grain and pulled out a wad of cash, then a bag of sunflower seeds.
"Later, Buster," she said to the horse, then went to the corner of the barn and yanked off a tarp that covered a shiny motorcycle. She went to the other end of the barn and pulled out clothes and more money from a pile of hay. I suddenly recognized this scene. This was when I ran away from my grandmother's home. I was only eighteen, but had stolen money from the rich old hag and worked many different jobs to get the supplies I'd needed. The girl looked around and stuffed the objects into the satchel. She took the sunglasses that were perched on her head and put them on. She walked over to the bike and kicked it into gear. The machine roared to life and she sped out of the barn, down the gravel road leading to the front gate of the plantation. There was shouting and the girl looked behind her and saw an old woman with a cane screeching at her from the front porch and a mean-looking young man running after her. The girl let out a cruel laugh as she sped away in a cloud of dust.
The girl went into town and stopped at an old cafe on a corner. Once inside, she went to another girl behind the counter.
"Alright Anna, it's done," the old me said to the other girl. Anna squealed and threw her arms around the old me.
"God, I am so proud of you, Haleigh! You're runnin' off to go to college!" she said. Tears were flowing down her cheeks. "You can be someone. Someone bigger than this goddamn hellhole."
"Oh, Anna, you know I'll visit you when I can. Don't cry." The old me let go and squeezed the other girl's shoulders. "I'll miss you so much, though." After a quick goodbye the old me was on the road again.
The dream began to fade as I slowly woke, shaken by the sudden and odd flashback. I once again found myself to be alone in the bed. This time, however, there was a sharp soreness from between my legs and my muscles ached all over. The curtains were open and morning sunlight spilled into the room, lighting it with gold. My heart started to beat faster as I the events of the past day came back to me and I buried my face in my hands, then fisted them in my hair. I'd never felt so angry. So... used. I also felt dirty and sweaty and with a grimace stood to take a shower. Shame and embarrassment colored my cheeks when the remnants of Matt's 'visit' ran down my leg. I quickly walked to the bathroom and paused at the extravagance of it.
The actual room was in the shape of a circle. Tall windows circled almost the entire room and had white, gauzy curtains that were swept gracefully to the side. Mirrors with gold frames stood against the wall between the windows. The floor was a maroon-colored marble with gold-colored marble around the edge. In the middle of the room, a huge jacuzzi grew out of the marble floor. A shower took up the entire far wall and two vanities curving along the rest of the wall. I looked through a wooden door and and wasn't surprised to see a toilet inside. As I passed by my reflection in on of the mirrors and gasped in horror. Bruises in the shapes of finger marks decorated my hips and waist, and my nipples looked red and swollen. My hair was a tangled mess on top of my head and a purple bruise graced my right cheekbone. The worst was a bite mark where my shoulder met my neck. What was odd about it was the places where the canine teeth broke the skin were deeper than I would have imagined them to be. I shook my head at the thought and jumped into the shower, then turned the water to boiling hot. Even after scrubbing my skin raw, I couldn't get the smell of Matt out of my mind. I sighed in frustration and stepped directly under the spray and closed my eyes as water cascaded over my face. My thoughts began to drift toward the sex I had with Matt. I couldn't understand it. One minute I'm scared out of my mind from almost getting raped, then scared shitless after waking up in a strange room in strange cloths and all of a sudden I'm having sex with a man I barely knew. What the fuck was wrong with me?
My thoughts were interrupted when I felt arms wrap around my waist and my back pulled against a muscular chest. I screamed and sputtered, lashing out with my eyes still closed. When I opened them, Matt himself was standing in front of my in a t-shirt and jeans getting soaked by the shower spray. Anger grew inside of my and I started screaming at him, calling him every bad name I knew as I shoved at him. Matt's eyes widened and he backed out of the shower, but I wasn't finished and I was still pissed off. Granted it was at myself, but I had plenty of reasons to want to kick his ass. I followed him out while still hurling insults and threats at him as I slapped at his head and chest. I foolishly ignored the growing irritation in his eyes in response to my tirade.