His laugh is enough to make my thoughts slide sideways a little and I can feel my phase coming back. "We know it wasn't you."
We walk up to a small cabin that wasn't there a minute ago. It's almost cute in that way that says there's a witch who lives here who wants to eat small children. Anubis walks up and opens the door and holds it for me. A small voice in my head screams not to walk through that door. I've watched horror movies. Nothing good comes from walking through a darkened doorway. The rest of me says I better do what the death god says or I'll find out where naughty little Predators go in the end. I step through the door.
Sitting around a poker table are Hades, Osiris, and Set, of all gods. I don't know why, but Hades always strikes me as lonely. None of his pantheon visit him except for Persephone, and she's his wife so that doesn't count as a visitor. I phase completely in the presence of this much death and chaos. The elastic holding my hair pops under the strain, freeing my hair to float like the unweildy beast it is. My entire body is traced with black lines like the roots of trees and my fangs are long enough I can't close my mouth.
"Tone it down or she won't be able to talk through that mouth," Hades rasps. For some reason, he resembles the portrayal of himself from the Titan movies. He's still easy on the eyes, but also grungy. And his voice sounds like wind through leaves.
Set and Osiris look like they could have been the actors playing Egyptian pharoahs, and not the English speaking ones. They all look at me, then tone down the power until my fangs recede enough for me to close my mouth. Anubis walks around me to the fourth chair at the table, picking up some cards. He should really have them deal again. I wouldn't put it past Set not to have looked at the cards.
The god in question laughs, "Finally a modern child who knows something about us."
"We need you to find a soul and bring it back to us," Osiris says.
"Anubis said you let someone escape?"
They all glare at Anubis, who just shrugs and throws a gold coin to the pot at the center of the table. "We did not let a soul escape," Osiris snaps.
I step a little more around to the part of the table closer to Anubis and Set. Of the four in the room, I could touch them without dying. I think. Set wasn't exactly predictable. Touching Osiris or Hades would end me and I didn't want to find out how that would work since my physical body wasn't here.
"Were you playing poker when it happened? Was there an errant demi-god skulking around?"
"My nephew was not here," Hades snaps. That touched a nerve. No, if Hercules had been up to his old shenanigans I think Hades would have been a little more pissed off.
"Do any of you have a piece of this soul? I need something to go on in order to hunt it, and I'm going to need a work note."
Osiris lifts his hand in my direction with what looks like a lock of hair in his palm. I get the chills just looking at that hand, let alone getting close enough to get the soul piece. Thankfully, Anubis takes the hair and hands it over so I don't have to risk my life anymore than I already do. "Chicken."
"Don't you still owe me a lap dance for that hand of cards you lost?" I ask him, and Set bellows out a laugh that shakes the little shack around us. I look down at the hair in my hand. It's plain brown, tied with a bit of twine, and I suddenly wish for a little baggy or something to put it in because this isn't going to survive in my pocket. Set holds out the box the cards came in, and I take it without touching him. That works for the hair going in the pocket. "Any idea where I should look for this soul? Do they have a corporeal body up there? Were they human?"
"Look for it on Earth," Hades answers. "It was not one of our descendants, and everything there has a corporeal form."
"Earth is a lot bigger than when you were at the height of popularity." Sometimes, I wonder if my mouth is out to kill me.
"Earth is the same size it has always been," he replies. Then Hades holds out one of the gold coins, pinching one edge between his thumb and forefinger and dropping the coin in my upturned palm. "When you find the soul, get the coin in its mouth and it will come back to us."
I turn the coin over in my hand. It's heavy, which means it's real gold, and inscribed with all manner of fancy sigils and symbols that change every time I flip the coin over. Great. This is an original ferry toll. "Uhm, thanks for the coin and all but can I get an escort back to the gate? I have a feeling the entire River Styx is going to chase me for one of these."
The coin still goes in the pocket with the hair as I look at the four bored-looking deities. A soul escapes and they act like it's just another Tuesday. Maybe for them, it is. Then Osiris stands from his chair and walks to the door. "I will walk with you."
I shiver and Anubis starts to cluck quietly while Set laughs his ass off. I guess it's a good thing he's in a good mood. The chicken routine steels my spine, though, and I walk for the door, stopping right beside Osiris like I'm not about to pee my pants at all. "Hey, Nubi? I think I'll take that lap dance on the dock for all to see when I bring back the soul you let escape."
That shuts him up.
Walking with Osiris is quiet. Even the silver robes he's wearing are silent as we head for the gate. The water of the river seems to swell towards us and I wonder if I was right, that the souls who couldn't pay the boatman would have come for me.
"Yes," Osiris says, bringing my eyes up to his. "You would not have made it to the gate, and we cannot go into the world for this soul."
"Don't you all have reapers up there or something?"
He doesn't answer, and we keep walking. It hadn't seemed to be this far on the way with Anubis, but I haven't even seen the dock yet. I guess I'm not going to see the dock this time because after a couple more minutes we stop by the VW Thing.
"The soul you seek has been twisted and is cold," Osiris says before I can touch the door handle of the vehicle. "That coin will not pay Charon. It will send the soul here to stay for all time in the Styx, but you must bring the coin back to us once the soul has left Earth."
I turn and look at the river, all but changing course as the souls within reach for the coin in my pocket. I shiver. I was going to send a soul into that on purpose. "How many of them are there on purpose?"
"Three." I blink up at him. That was an oddly specific answer. "You honor the dead, Predator. Do not lose that. Know that this soul will be in the River for it's crimes because the scales deem it so."
One last look at the river, at the death god standing in silver robes before me, and I turn and get into the VW Thing. Shutting the door and hitting the unlock button shunts me back to Earth. I sit there for a minute, going over what had just happened.
A soul had escaped. Not been rescued, not been sent out for some asinine meddling on the part of the gods. Escaped. Was this why the others had refused this case? Had there been some memo I missed about not going to the Underworld lest I get pulled into some soul hunt for the gods?
Jay and Silent Bob are getting antsy so I open the creaky door and step out into the Armpit. Billings is still in his car because to him, I just sat in a rusted out car for a couple minutes. I walk toward his little sedan, pulling the leather jacket off as I go, then I stop. I forgot to get a note for work. Turning back, I go to one of the wraiths.
"I need one of you to pop over and get me a work note from one of the gods, please," I say.
They don't even bat an eye. One of them pulls a piece of paper out of his pocket, "Anubis said not to call him Nubi."
I look down to see a highly calligraphic note explaining that I was on special assignment and all four of them had signed it. Anubis dots his i with a little heart in case that ever comes up on Jeopardy. Thanking the wraiths, I walk over to Billings' car and drop into the passenger seat.
"That didn't take long," he says.