Author's Note: This story is merely part one of two! Part two will be arriving once it is written. Enjoy~
*****
Bruce Robert Kinsey knew that today was going to be a weird day when he walked into shop class after school and found one of his classmates holding a raygun to her head. And that was saying something, considering that this week had been
packed
with weirdness. In fact, the weirdness of the week was why he was walking into shop class after school let out - and why he walked in holding a cold iron candelabra made of scrap metal and dusted with salt and splatters of dried candle-wax. On Monday, he had helped get a ghost out of her haunting.
By fucking her.
On Tuesday, he had negotiated a careful treaty between the Winter and Summer Courts of the Fey, mediating the spat that had required trips into the Feylands through mirrors activated by special code phrases and sacrificed chickens. In the end, he had found resolution between Princess Snow and Queen Leaf-Fall.
By fucking them.
On Wednesday, he had run into the most gorgeous were-panther that he had ever met. Of course, said were-panther had been the
first
and so far
only
were-panther that Bruce had met, so there wasn't a lot of competition. But the man had been almost six feet of pure, ebony black nubian
god
who looked like he should have been playing Black Panther in the latest Marvel movie. His issue had been that he was hunted - stalked from city to city by his own twin brother. Bruce had helped settle
that
.
By fucking the twin brother.
Afterwards, he had fucked the were-panther too. But that had more been due to the fact that Bruce
really
could not get enough black cock that day. It had been an acquired taste, all things considered. Finally, on Thursday, Bruce had had finally run into a problem he couldn't
just
fuck his way out of. No, the wax-witch that lived downtown and had been stealing tiny bites of essence from people through specially enchanted sex-store full body mannequin fucktoys had required wax-play to relieve her pressing spiritual issues.
And now...
Friday.
Friday, he walked in to see one of his fellow teenagers about to commit suicide with a dime store ray-gun toy. Bruce sighed, looked at the ceiling, then ducked his shoulder forward. He crashed into the slender girl, grabbing the gun and forcing it away from her head. Her eyes flashed open and she squeaked, then shouted: "No, wai-"
Then the raygun went off. Rather than producing a spray of sparks, as most cheap ray-gun toys did, the raygun fired off a blast of rainbow pink energy. The energy hit the ceiling, rebounded, hit the floor, rebounded, bounced off one window, skidded around the corner, then struck a hideous metal modern art structure sitting on the curving desk that ringed the shop class. Finally, it flew out and slammed into Bruce's chest. He went flying backwards and hit the wall with a loud CRASH. Bruce fell forward and hit the ground face first, groaning.
Jean - Bruce's ghostly girlfriend and Al Calavicci to his fuck-based Sam Beckett - floated through the doorway, looking at the ghost of an I-phone that she had gotten last week to help keep track of everything Bruce had to deal with. "Bruce, I-" she stopped, blinking as she looked at the tableaux before her. "What the
fuck
is going on!?"
"I'm fine..." Bruce groaned, his hands pushing himself up from the floor. A wave of jet black hair covered his face - blocking his eyes - and he reached up to brush his hair aside, revealing that his chin had become narrower and more refined, his brows thinner and less bushy. His nose was now elegantly arched. His throat was smooth and his pale skin seemed even more spotless. And, of course, he had an amazing rack.
"EEE!" Bruce sprang to
her
feet, gaping down at the tits jutting against her shirt.
"Well..." The thin girl - her glasses knocked askew, her face twisted with anger. "At least I know the thing
works
now." There was a perfect moment of silence. "You fucking
cunt
."
Bruce - Bridgette - shook her head, her hands going to her thighs, then between her legs. She squeaked. "My dick's gone! I'm okay with that. And I am
not
okay with that!" She said, biting her lip, looking at Jean. "Jean, what the fuck is going on?"
"My name's Gwendolyn," the thin girl said, staggering to her feet and grabbing the raygun off the ground. She pulled the trigger, but nothing came from the barrel but a spurt of smoke and a faint scent of pines and woodsmoke. She scowled, then threw the raygun at Bridgette. Bridgette squeaked, ducked, and managed to avoid the raygun before it hit the wall behind her and shattered into several pieces. Bridgette stood up.
"Whoa!" she said, hurriedly moving to put a large desk between her and Gwen. "Uh, lets calm down here for just-"
"I worked for WEEKS on that thing!" Gwen shouted, grabbing a saw blade from the tablesaw that sat near the center of the room. She yanked it free and hurled it like a Frisbee at Bridgette. The blade hummed as it cut through the air and Bridgette flung herself flat on the ground as the sawblade crashed into the wall and stuck, humming faintly. "Do you know how HARD it was to steal that much unobtanium!?"
"From Avatar?" Bridgette asked, sticking her head slowly out from around the table - in time to see that Gwen had gone for a sledgehammer and was holding it up, a mad glint in her eyes. Bridgette swore and scrambled backwards, getting to her feet just as Gwen hefted the hammer up and over her head, tottered backwards slightly, righted her course and started advancing, her nose flaring as her eyes flared.
"It's a REAL engineering TERM!" Gwen snarled, her voice almost breaking at the high points of each word. "It refers to ANY MATERIAL that fulfills the requirements of an engineering project that doesn't normally exist in NATURE!" She swung the hammer and smashed the linoleum of the shop class floor, sending up a spray of chips and bits of plaster. "JAMES CAMERON DID NOT INVENT IT! Stop fucking making FUN of the movie for THAT ONE WORD!" She snarled. "There were BIGGER structural PROBLEMS with AVATAR!"
"We're getting sidetracked here!" Bridgette said, backing against the wall.
"You can say that again..." Jean said, eyes locked on Bridgette's bust. "Damn, Bruce, you're
loaded