Back in Keldin's cell, we didn't speak. Keldin leaned over the set of drawers and looked out the window. I couldn't tell what he was feeling. From the expression on his face, it looked like a combination of anger and sadness. But perhaps I also detected some relief?
I took a seat on his bed and let him have a moment. Besides, my head was swirling with the reality of my situation as well. I was going to the Outer. There was no way out of it. The last 24 hours had been a whirlwind, and now I was going to leave this station forever. I hated this place, but I had a feeling I would hate the Outer even more. When I thought about it, I had had it pretty easy here. I had a bed, clothes, and food. Was I treated great? No, but so what? My basic needs were met.
Panic gripped me all of a sudden, and I struggled to catch my breath. I gasped for air, clutching my chest.
"Lily?" Keldin said, turning to look at me. Worry was etched across his face. "Lily, breathe."
He dropped to his knees on the floor and took both of my hands in his. He inhaled slowly and deeply, demonstrating for me.
"I... can't!" I gasped, my voice coming out desperate and shaky.
"You need to slow it down." His eyes scanned mine. "Slow, through your nose."
I forced my mouth closed and drew a long, steady breath through my nose. I stared at Keldin the whole time. His encouraging nods were helpful, and eventually, after a few breaths, I found myself starting to feel normal again.
"Better?" asked Keldin.
"Yes." I nodded. "Thank you, Keldin."
He placed a hand on my chest, which caught me off-guard. "I can feel your heart," he said.
I inhaled deeply again and forced a smile. "Sorry for panicking. I just can't believe we have to leave."
Keldin stood up again and paced around the room. "It won't be so bad."
"How do you know?"
He looked at me without speaking, and his silence told me that he DIDN'T know.
"I still want to show you where I worked," said Keldin. "Trust me. You'll want to see it, too. But in the meantime, we should start packing."
I nodded and stood up, watching as Keldin opened the drawers. We had very few items between the two of us, so the process only took five minutes. I watched as Keldin put the metal box with the necklace into the bottom of his bag.
"I'm sorry again," I said dumbly. "I'm sorry for being a snoop."
"Snoop?"
"I was being sneaky. And that was wrong of me."
Keldin waved me off. "Enough. It's over now."
"It is a beautiful necklace." I paused, hoping he would bite.
Luckily, he did.
"It belonged to a human I knew many years ago. Her name was Kara, and she was my first love. She taught me English." Keldin came over and sat beside me on the bed. "She worked here, in the rec rooms. But Kara was sent to the Outer. They said they didn't need her anymore. We never got to say goodbye."
"Maybe you'll see her again?"
Keldin made a strange grunting sound. "It wouldn't matter if I did. That's in the past."
I shrugged. "Maybe not."
I hated that I was a bit jealous of what I was hearing. My mind started to race with images of Keldin and Kara reconnecting. I knew that Keldin was still such a stranger to me, but it freaked me out to think about losing him when we reached the Outer. I didn't know what I was getting into, but I knew that I'd need someone by my side.
"Let's not speak of her anymore." Keldin gave me a serious look.
He reached underneath his bed, pulled out a small box, and opened it up. There was a half-full bottle of Moxie inside, and I saw something close to a smile cross Keldin's face.
"Do you like this stuff?" he asked. "May as well get rid of it."
"It does the trick," I said, watching as Keldin took a big swig. He passed the bottle to me, and I took a drink.
"Did you have a Kara?" Keldin asked.
I sipped again, enjoying the warm sensation spreading through my body. "No. I mean, I did, at some point. But I was single when I was abducted."
Keldin nodded.
"But," I continued, "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't lonely. It's weird being a human on a planet like this." I pushed my fingers back through my dark brown hair, feeling self-conscious and sad.
Keldin finally made eye contact. "I can't imagine. These fuckers abduct human females and don't blink twice."
I passed the bottle to him. "You seem so angry when I mention it."
He scowled at me. "Of course it would make me angry."
"Most aliens don't share your outrage."
"Most of my kind never loved a human the way that I did."
It all made sense now. I wondered what Keldin was like before Kara. Was he as aggressive and vicious as the other males? Had she softened him up? Was the wall he put up because she left? I suddenly saw Keldin as an onion, and I wanted to peel all the layers to him.
The Moxie went straight to my head, but in the best way possible. I felt lighter and happier, like things wouldn't be so bad.
"Do you have anyone you want to say goodbye to?" asked Keldin.
I nodded and looked at the clock on the wall. I could stop by and say goodbye to my cellmate, Sam, later. And I definitely wanted to give Dina a final hug and tell her to hang in there.
I looked around the room. "Wow, we really don't have many things to our name, do we? That's kind of sad."
"Did you have a lot of things on Earth?"
For the first time, I detected genuine interest in Keldin's voice, and it opened up something inside me. I rambled on for the next half hour while he listened and sipped the Moxie. I had to explain certain things to him, like video games and slow cookers. I told him about my big collection of books and the fifteen-year-old cactus that had nearly reached the ceiling by the time I was abducted.
I wondered if it was still alive and thriving.
Keldin's golden eyes stared deep into mine as I spoke. When I finally finished rambling, color rose to my cheeks, and I laughed awkwardly. "Sorry for talking so much."
"Why do you apologize if you haven't done anything wrong?"
