"I didn't tell Gregory anything. I just packed up my things and left while he was away one night. I just stopped going to my classes and broke off all contact with my friends. It was hard but I didn't want anything that reminded me of him, of what we had. I didn't want him to find out about who I was... what I was."
"You don't know what happened to him," Katherine asked. Jennifer shook her head. Without turning to look at Katherine, she said, "The first time I turned into a wolf, Daniel was five years old. Jack had already grown to love him like he was his own son. I knew Jack would have taken care of him. I thought about running into the woods and leaving everything that was human of me behind. I could feel it in the back of my head that I could just shove all my human worry and emotions back until they disappeared. You can give up your humanity, but the wolf is always there. It feels like the wolf is the more real between the two." She closed her eyes and the look of contentment spread over her face. "The only time I feel free is when I'm a wolf."
Katherine sat uncomfortably on one of the chairs across the room. Jennifer watched her for a moment before she got dressed and joined her in the sitting area, studying her hands for lack of anything else to do. She eventually said, "I did run off for a day. Daniel doesn't remember it. Jack never mentions it. I said that I was just enjoying running around, which was true. Jack told me it didn't matter, as long as I came back I could run for as long as I needed. Jack is great. He never pushed the subject, never brought it up in an argument, just let the incident slide away. I care greatly for Jack, but I still miss Gregory." Jennifer wiped away a tear and breathed past it. She shook herself from her reverie and met Katherine's eyes. "The actual turning into a wolf is nothing to be frightened or worried about. What do you say about shifting?" Katherine shook her head faster than Jennifer had expected. Jennifer sighed and shook her head.
"When are you going to stop being such a child," Jennifer asked quietly, almost to herself. Katherine frowned and asked Jennifer to explain the process of shifting.
"You showed me but tell me what it's like. How do you even get it started and how do you get back," Katherine asked, grumpy. She crossed her arms over her chest and listened to Jennifer explain about calling up the wolf and letting it take shape of you. "To get back to human shape, you just have to remember your shape and sort of just will it." Jennifer frowned and shrugged. "After awhile, it's just second nature. It's a little like asking someone to explain breathing. I mean, you can consciously decide to stop breathing, but mostly it just does it on its own."
Jennifer shrugged and excused herself. She paused at the door and told Katherine that she needed to accept her life as it was. She left before Katherine could protest.
For the next couple of days, Jennifer wouldn't bring up the subject but Katherine could feel the subject hovering just on the sidelines of their conversations. Katherine could feel the weight of it on her mind. She kept thinking about how free Jennifer said it felt. It was almost a week since they had talked about shifting when Katherine slipped out of the building into the courtyard around twilight. She'd stayed cooped up inside so she had never really explored the courtyard. It was wide and narrow. It was paved with spaced flagstones, grass and moss peeking through the cracks. There was a small fountain in a corner and the sound of the water splashing was like music as the sun was sinking below the horizon staining the sky with reds and purples. She stared across the lawn between the building and the woods that surrounded the property.
Katherine suddenly felt uncomfortable in her clothes. She could feel it rubbing against her skin and it felt to tight. She ripped her shirt off and gasped as the cool in rushed against her bare skin. She felt better, able to breathe easier, but it wasn't enough. She felt frantic as she tore at her clothes. She kicked her pants off in frustration and slipped out of her undergarments, sighing as the air caressed her skin. She pulled her hair loose from its ponytail. She breathed deeply and felt herself relax. A part of her worried that someone would see her standing naked in the courtyard but most she felt free standing beneath the sky. She could feel a restlessness building in her. She wasn't right yet. Her skin felt too tight and her body felt alien to her. She frowned in frustration and shook her head. She could feel a thought brush her mind, just a whisper that she should run to the woods as a wolf. She opened her eyes to the sky and breathed deeply as she felt her body to start to change.
There was a sudden panic that screamed that it was all wrong, but it felt too right for her to pay it any heed. She felt her legs changing but it didn't hurt like she expected. She lost her balance and fell down to stand on all four. Katherine looked curiously at her paws. She couldn't remember her hands changing. She looked at the fur on her legs. The fur was a pale grey that was almost white. She stretched with a yawn and loped off to the trees. No one called for her to come back and she wondered if she'd actually managed to slip away completely unnoticed. She stopped at the tree line and looked back to the building. Jennifer stood in the courtyard collecting Katherine's clothes. Jennifer folded everything neatly and looked out at Katherine. She didn't call out to her or wave. She simply left the clothes on a bench and went back inside. No one came out of the house to join her and Katherine understood. Jennifer was giving her an opportunity to leave, an opportunity she might not have again. Katherine walked into the trees slowly thinking about running off.
She felt restless the longer she tried to work through her options. She just let out a huff and and took off in a run. It felt good to feel her muscles working. She dashed across the woods, leaping over rocks and roots. Tension and worries drained away and she ran harder. She came to a clearing and she came to a sudden stop, panting heavily. She looked up to the moon hanging just above the trees. This was freedom.
She skirted around the clearing, not daring to cross such an open space. She froze suddenly at the sound of a twig snapping. Her head whipped to the sound and she saw a wolf with cinnamon colored fur take a deliberate step on a twig, the sound loud in the quiet of the night. Katherine tilted her head and studied the wolf before her. She took a deep breath, taking in the scent of everything. He smelled familiar but she couldn't place him. There was a smell under the wolf musk that she felt she should recognize. She figured it must be someone from the house that had gone running earlier. She took a step sideways, deliberately on a twig.
The cinnamon colored wolf let out a bark and wagged his tail. He wiggled his butt in the air a moment before he pounced at her. Katherine let out a bark and hopped around. She took a pounce at him that he easily avoided. He spun in a circle and wiggled his butt in the air again, his tail wagging furiously. Katherine barked and ran off into the wood. She could hear the wolf following her. She spun and pounced at him. The danced around each other through the woods and Katherine felt joy at this freedom. She was panting heavily and slowed to catch her breath for a moment when the wolf pounced on her and pinned her to the ground on her back. She tried to wriggle out, but the wolf above her growled lightly. She stilled, suddenly afraid. The wolf sniffed and examined her. Katherine felt a burning embarrassment and started to scrabble away. The wolf growled another warning and pinned her again, his mouth on her throat, teeth biting into her skin. Katherine felt fear and stilled beneath the wolf. She didn't know how to fight in this body and a human body would be useless against a wolf, not to mention Katherine didn't know how long she'd be useless as she shifted back.
The wolf, satisfied that she wasn't going to struggle again, resumed his examination of her. He nodded and sat back and looked back to watch her. Katherine rolled over and lay on the ground watch him. He looked relaxed, but his eyes stared intently at her. Slowly, she pushed herself up to sit and watched him carefully. She remembered fur that color and she remembered that smell. The shape had been different the other times she'd seen that fur. Katherine hadn't expected Donovan back yet. Wasn't there supposed to be another wolf with him? She gulped nervously as she slowly rose to stand. She guessed that he knew who she was, maybe that he knew it was her from the start. She thought back to their playing and felt a little embarrassed and very annoyed.
He shouldn't have tried to play with her. He must have known that she didn't realize it was him. He took advantage of the situation, Katherine fumed to herself. She could feel a growl in her throat as she narrowed her eyes at him. He didn't react to it. He stayed relaxed, watching her carefully. She backed away but Donovan shook his head. Katherine stopped and wondered what that was about. She felt annoyed that she couldn't just ask him but she didn't want to leave herself vulnerable by turning human. She started to back away again when Donovan leaped up and pinned her to the ground again. She struggled under him. She was about to give up when he backed off letting her get to her feet.
