***Dakhete is a lot of things, depending on how one chooses to look at her. She lacks a piece of knowledge however. In this chapter, she meets a couple of rather singular individuals, thought at least they know what they are.
More importantly - and it doesn't get more than a hint here, both of them can see what Dakhete cannot, though right here, she's not quite ready to listen.
0_o
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Book of the Djinn Part 4
They talked for a time, and somewhere in it, Dakhete realized suddenly that there could be no reprising what they'd had so long ago. They had changed, especially Nasira, who now seemed convinced that her own genitalia had been ruined during her ordeal, as though anyone could see the way that she'd been ruined, somehow. She kept saying that no one could ever want her, of course, and she'd said it just that way often enough to begin to annoy Dakhete, though she understood and felt a lot of sympathy for her old friend.
"Nasira," Dakhete said earnestly, "We sit together naked as we often were between us and it has been an age, but nothing has changed in my eyes. I can see all of your wonders and you can see my poor gifts. I see nothing which takes anything from your beauty in the slightest. All there is to be seen by anyone are the scars on your back and you know that they fade after all this time. There is nothing different about your sweet flower from how I remember it.
If we were at the same place between us, you would still the one that I would wish for, if I may say it – and I try to hide no intent in my honest words. You must believe me, if you would hear the words of no one else. You are beautiful. If you hide yourself away in your shame for what was done to you, do you never feel the want of any pleasure or love anymore? Has this been taken from you as well?"
"Everything was taken from me," Nasira replied, "The loss of my dignity was the least of it all. I have little feeling or hope of love anymore and when the want of pleasure overtakes me, I seek it in the only way that gives me release. I go back to my prison and walk into my cell. There are my own jailors. They chain me and I allow them to take me in the most savage way that they can, for this is all that pleases me anymore. They hurt me, it is true, but it is in the way that I crave to be hurt. It lasts for days until they cannot anymore. We all sleep then, them near me, touching me out of their need and I lie in my chains, my body tingling and aching for when they awake."
Dakhete was disturbed and upset only to hear it, but what bothered her the most perhaps, was the gleam of excitement in Nasira's eyes as she told of it.
"I outlast them, you see. When it is over, they crawl to me and beg for my forgiveness and I give it to them, letting them spend into me one after another as gently as they can. In the sweetness of that, I find my release, Dakhete, and nothing else."
Dakhete leaned back, careful to keep her mask of detachment on her face since there was nothing that she could say in the face of what she'd heard. She decided that she would always remain a friend to Nasira, but that there likely would never be anything more between them.
Eventually, Nasira took her large cats and Dakhete walked her to the gates and watched her ride off into the night. She walked up the slope to the palace slowly, wishing that she'd never agreed to help Nasira to leave Meroe in the first place. She shook her head in sadness. Since the shine had not left Nasira's eyes, she supposed that the jailors would be busy over the next few days.
She walked past the bathchamber and saw the young pair standing neck deep and looking at each other a little too happily with no words exchanged between them.
"Get out of the bath," Dakhete said, "get ready for bed. Separate bedrooms, Yasmin still has a few days to wait. Then I won't care. Go. Now!"
"What does it matter? Yasmin asked, "You are not my mother."
"No," Dakhete said quietly, "But I am your very sincere friend and I am your teacher. I need you sharp for the next few days at least. If you do not wish for me to teach you, Yasmin, then only say it. I admit that I am in a terrible mood, but I really mean this. I told you why as well. If you do not want the teaching, I can understand that, but if you do, then you both will have to live as though you were already dead until I tell you. I can promise that it will be soon and then you can play with your new love all that you like, as long as you are careful, but if you wish to know how to mix the fighting with your magic, then get out of there, kiss your boy softly once and go to bed alone."
They nodded and began to climb out. "Can I ask something?" Khyan said.
"Of course,"Dakhete replied.
"What happened with my mother?"
Dakhete looked over, "Nothing. We talked and she went home. We came through here for her to say goodbye to you, but you weren't listening. I would say that what happened is that a lot of hurt was done to her. After three thousand years, I have changed as well. We just changed in different directions."
Dakhete walked to her bedroom and lit an oil lamp there with a wave of her hand. She walked back and brought a jug of beer to her room. She sat on the bed and after two cups, Dakhete began to cry a little for herself and a lot for an old friend.
It took a while for it to pass. Dakhete was upset because she felt that Nasira had been damaged; not as she saw herself, but in her heart and her mind. What she'd learned today ought to allow her to begin to put her own ghosts away, at least she hoped so, but she felt terrible for poor Nasira. To have gone through what she had, ...
She looked up from where she sat on the bed and saw that Saddiq was sitting on the floor, facing away from her. She reached out and touched his ear, "Saddiq, I am sorry. I have forgotten you and did not mean to."
He turned his head around and Dakhete saw that he looked sad somehow. She was about to feel even worse over it, but she suddenly felt as though he understood.
"You were with me the whole time, weren't you?" she asked as she pulled his large head onto her thigh to rub it, "I have been foolish and rude. I am sorry. You walked both ways with me and never left me. Forgive me, I am upset."
"I know it," she heard in her mind and her eyes flew open wide, "I had no wish to watch your tears fall. Sorrow and sadness, I feel from you. A long sadness is a shadow on your heart which is not deserved. Our friend was a lover to you long ago. This road is blocked to you as you feel it. You may be right."
She looked down into the yellow eyes, as bright as her own, but much larger and with the vertical irises opened wide in the dim light. He lifted his head and brought it near to her face. The whiskers tickled a little, but he sniffed and licked her cheek once. When he turned his head and rubbed his face against hers, he moved her head a little.
"I smell the drink," she heard, "It is good?"
