***This bit happens concurrently as Selena struggles with herself and feels badly for what she was driven to do. 0_o
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Book of the Merren Part 15
They walked back together holding hands. Nahl'een was the first to see them as she stood with Sariel. She wasn't looking, but when they got within a certain distance, Nahl'een just felt something and turned her head. She stared for a moment and then she was off flying to her sister as fast as she could go, and calling out her name.
Nahl'een gasped and came closer when she'd landed, "Selena? You look, ..."
Then she was against Selena and crying a little. Selena dropped to one knee to comfort her sister, but Nahl'een smiled through her tears, "You look like Mother now, but with horns and wings, and ... not sick. I remember now. You just like Mother."
Selena smiled warmly and she let her sister slip her arms around her neck as she picked her up. She looked at Nahl'een, "I love you so much, Sis."
Nahl'een hugged Selena tightly and they smiled to each other. "I love you SO much, Selena."
The older sister smirked, "I'm not gonna even start that with you today, cutie. We just get silly with it, don't we? Telling each other that we love each other SOOOO much."
"Ah-hah," Nahl'een grinned, "that's why I like it."
"Hey, how come you're the only one who doesn't bang into my horns when you hug me?"
The girl shrugged, "Not know." She reached over Selena's shoulder and touched one of her wings, "Sis is cave bat now like Nah'leen."
"You have the same skin color now," Arrax said.
Selena looked, "Yeah. That is, if it stays like this. I need a bath in the worst way."
"I miss when you give me baths," Nahl'een said, "Not have bath like that anymore. I miss your stories. If you have bath, I can come? I can teach you how to wash wings, Selena. I can help you now."
Selena leaned back and laughed, "You have the best ideas sometimes." She set her sister down and held out her hand, "Come on, Sis, let's go and you can teach me now."
Nahl'een beamed and took Selena's hand. They set off together like that, and the others watched as they walked away, laughing and joking.
"I like that," Shaevre smiled, "I have always liked how they are between them, since they found each other as sisters. Now they look like sisters, or like a mother and her girl, maybe. It is nice to see."
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After dinner that evening as the children chased each other through the air of the main cavern, Selena was absent though she came in after the Vadren and Azrael had gone and sat for a brief time as they'd all known her before, since none of her clothes would fit her otherwise. The other females listened to her well watered-down and vanilla version of events. She let them all draw their own conclusions and she sat looking very embarrassed when she was done. Dahlgren was also not there.
"I'm sorry for turning into a raging slut like that," she said with a quick look around, "It wasn't something that I could help and I'm very thankful that I had people who cared enough about me, both to do what I needed and also, I'm thankful to you two for allowing me to borrow your males."
She pulled out her chair, "If you'll excuse me, I'd like to be alone now." Shaevre looked up, but Selena shook her head, telling her that she really wanted to be alone.
She was gone before any of the others could really react.
Cha'Khah put her hand on Rachel's, "I am going to speak with her. Selena feels shame for everything, and I do not think that it is deserved."
Rachel shook her head, "Give her a little time first. She wants to be alone, we just have to go to her before she starts to wallow in it."
After that, Arrax spoke of what he knew of the sort of being that Selena had always been and never knew about.
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Shaevre found Selena and took her outside for their walk where she saw Dahlgren by Faith's grave.
When she returned alone, Selena went for a walk, heading away to the maintenance areas, since she knew that they were usually deserted. She was still a long way from them when her tears began over the shame that she felt.
Selena looked at the dark surface of the water in one of the underground lakes. She didn't know what she'd gotten out of her wanton display -- half of the time, she was as surprised as anyone else at the sorts of things which had come out of her mouth.
She thought back to when her life was simpler and she was only a poor thief whose only trouble was trying to stay ahead of the law while using it to her advantage and wondering how she was going to keep herself and her horse fed over the winter. What the hell had she become?
She squirmed a little uncomfortably. Even the bath hadn't gotten out all of the semen that she'd been filled with. Hours later, and she could still feel it. About the only good thing that she could think of was that as what she was now, she was very aware that there was no egg in her on its way to her womb from her ovaries. She'd been given conscious control over when she conceived as a part of this. All that she'd need was a virile male, if she wanted to spawn.
Selena avoided everyone for the next few days. On the third evening, she was back, looking at the dark water, and thinking that she felt a little better.
She didn't notice the others right away as they approached her from a long way down the corridor. But she heard it as Shaevre whispered her name softly, and as she turned, she found herself in the Xer's arms being hugged and kissed right in front of Rachel and Cha'Khah, who plainly didn't think anything about it.
"We wanted you to know," Rachel smiled, "that we don't think anything bad about what happened to you a few days ago."
Cha'Khah nodded, "It was what had to happen, Arrax told us." She smiled, "We are all females, Selena, and neither Rachel or I are so worried about losing our males over this that we would look on you with anything other than our care and concern for you. We were your friends before this. We are still your friends now."
She smirked, "We only hope that you know your good fortune. We certainly do. Any of us might see a male and have the thought and wonder a little what it might be like with him. You did get to try with two others, though perhaps not in the way that you might have preferred."
"Yeah, "Rachel laughed, "At least you got to go for a little variety. We'd both like a shot at what you and Shaevre get to hold onto, but we know that it can't happen. It's a nice thought, though."
Cha'Khah nodded with a chuckle, "I am waiting to hear Vadren's answer to me when I finally ask him tonight how it went. He will be stuck then, not wanting to tell me that it was wonderful -- even if it was -- and he knows that if he says that it was not, then I will not believe him either. Oh, this is a fight that I cannot wait to have. Thank you for this, Selena."
"But," Selena began, "Cha'Khah, the way that I see this, both of you did me such a kindness. Now it sounds like you'll make him feel guilt for it."
"Not really," the Drowess grinned, "Vadren is a good male, a very mighty mage and though he is sometimes thoughtful, he is not weak. I will ask my taunting question and he will tell me that it is none of my affair. He wil remind me that I gave my permission. And he would be right. But I won't care. I will give him a fight for it anyway."
Selena was stunned, since it made no sense to her and Cha'Khah could see it in her face, so she leaned a little close and though it was said a little conspiratorially, it was loud enough so that they all heard her, "I love to fight with Vadren," she smiled, "I always have, and the loving that I get for it after is the best for me. THAT is why I do it, never to hurt his feelings. He is worth too much to me for that. I just never tell him, that is all."
"So if you're feeling a little better," Rachel said with a grin, "then you ought to smile back at us just a little to let us know that you understand that we're fine with it all. We're just a little jealous, that's all. I mean, you did get to play with three males. That must have been something."
Selena nodded with a weak smile and she was going to leave it at that, but Shaevre added that it hadn't only been the one time, and that Shaevre had had them all four times each -- her as well.
Rachel's jaw dropped and she laughed, "I think that I ought to be bowing to you out of admiration. Holy cow," she chuckled, shaking her head.
"C'mon, Shaevre honey," she laughed as she took the Xer's hand to walk away, "Ok, tell me what it was like on the way back. Maybe I've been living my life on the wrong side of the damned street or something."
They walked away together and Cha'Khah asked the question that she'd come to ask.
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They crept out through the narrow opening to stand in the cold night air on the maintenance balcony. The night was still all around them and the light of the full moon shone brightly as it reflected from the snow in the mountains.
"We are a pair of fools," Cha'Khah muttered quietly after a minute as they stood in their cloaks
"We are a pair of friends who seek to help each other," Selena said, "Tell me when you're ready to start."
"If it were not winter, I would have already finished my dancing for the goddess," the Drowess said as she drew her sword and threw off her cloak to stand naked on the balcony. "I am ready."
Selena dropped her cloak from her shoulders and evaporated into a slightly shimmering cloud which wrapped itself around the dark body of her friend and vanished.
Cha'Khah let out a long pleasured sigh, "This feels so good, Selena. I am warm. Even the bottoms of my feet!"
