I live in a nice little development. We only have fifteen units which means we get to know all the other occupants of the units quite quickly. There are two central units facing the main street with an U shaped drive around them and the other thirteen units spread around the outer side of the U.
Recently the unit across the drive from mine fell vacant and a young couple picked up the lease. I got to meet them quickly enough but wasn't too impressed. My opinion of him was that he was a dweeb. She on the other hand, while very pretty, seemed dreadfully shy. Totally lacking confidence in herself, from what I saw. The way things stood I couldn't see them becoming my boon companions.
Mind you, there was one thing I appreciated. Like I said, Stella was very pretty, and she had this penchant for wearing tight yoga pants. Girls like her are why yoga pants were invented. You couldn't help but lust after her seeing her walking along in those tight pants.
I came very close to meeting Stella by accident a few days later. I was reversing onto the drive when she decided to do the same. Her garage door went up and she was backing out, fast, as soon as the door was high enough to give her car clearance. Fortunately, I was watching my mirrors. I leaned on the horn and, as I had just changed into forward, I was able to tread on the accelerator and escape, but it was a near thing.
I stopped just short of the road and got out and looked at Stella. She just cringed slightly in her seat, mouthing apologies. I suggested rear view mirrors and slower exits wouldn't hurt, returned to my car, and drove away.
That was the first incident. A few days later I was working in the garden. A bunch of young lads from some of the back units were standing in the middle of the drive with their bikes, yacking away about something. I saw the garage door across the way going up and remembered Stella's previous exit.
I gave a yell of warning to the boys, telling them an idiot was on the road, or words to that effect.
They scattered and Stella came charging out right where they'd been congregated. It was like watching an eagle swoop on a covey of quail, only to see the quail head in all directions at the last moment.
Stella hadn't even noticed them. She was changing gear, ready to take off, when I reached her car and yanked open the door. She looked startled, not having seen me.
"Damn it, woman," I snarled at her. "Do you drive with your eyes closed? You near as damn skittled those kids on their bikes. It was no thanks to you that you missed them. Slow down in the driveway. If you can't slow down, park in the street."
She was full of apologies again, but as soon as I closed the door she took off, leaving me feeling irritated. If she wasn't careful someone would get hurt.
It turned out that that someone was damned near me. I was at my letterbox, clearing out all the junk mail when Stella came swinging off the road and into the driveway, moving much too fast. She might have been in the process of slowing down but her initial speed had her swinging wide, her wheels brushing my lawn and the wing of her car brushing me. At least, it would have if I hadn't taking evasive action. I tripped doing that and finished up flat on back anyway.
Stella continued on into her garage and parked, then came racing back to me. It seems that she had noticed me standing there and then seen me going backwards and was horrified to think she had actually hit me.
I was standing back up when Stella came rushing over and I gave her a very cold look.
"Why don't you step inside for a moment," I said, trying my best to put a wolf-sized bite in my voice. "I'd like a word with you."
I turned and stalked back into my unit, Stella trailing nervously behind. Once inside I turned to her.
"Your driving is atrocious," I stated plainly. "Three times in the past week you've nearly had an accident right here. I hate to think of the carnage on the roads when you're actually out and about. Why the hell don't you slow down a bit and use your damn mirrors?"
She dithered a little but there wasn't much she could say. She was at fault and she knew it. She did try to point out that if I hadn't just been standing there the latest accident wouldn't have happened.
"What? I shouldn't get my mail because you might hit me with your car?" I asked. "Are you sure you're thinking these things through."
She apologised all over again, promising to go slower in the future.
"Oddly enough, that's what you said last time," I pointed out. "Remember last time, when you nearly skittled the boys and their bikes. Or do you have so many near misses that they tend to blur into a generic whole?
Strictly speaking you lousy driving is none of my business. I should just tell your husband to speak to you about it, but I suspect he wouldn't be much use. As I seem to be your favourite victim I've decided it's up to me to do something.
If you were a child, this would be a lot easier. I'd just spank you and ground you. As you're an adult I guess I'll have to do something that will drive it home to you that you are a grown woman and responsible for your own actions."
"Um, what do you mean," she asked nervously. "What do you intend doing."
I moved slowly around her, speaking quietly.
"Well, I'm just going to have to show you that you're an adult."
I paused behind her, took hold of her yoga pants and yanked them down to her knees. Her panties came with them. She gave a squeal, but didn't move.
Back in front of her again, and she was looking at me aghast, face bright red.
"You shouldn't do that," she muttered. "Nobody has ever seen me like that before."
"Really? And have you ever had an irate man ravish you before?"
I don't think her face got any redder, but her embarrassment was obvious.
"You wouldn't," she said, plainly horrified. "You couldn't, anyway," she added, sounding slightly relieved.
"I couldn't?" I asked. "Why couldn't I?"
"It's not night-time, and even if it was I wouldn't be going down to your bedroom with you."
Was she for real? She certainly sounded as though she believed what she was saying.
"Ah, Stella, what makes you think a person can't have sex unless it's night and they're in a bedroom?"
