I've just been thinking about something.
Just a little thing about catching the eye of someone who wants me and makes plans on how to have me. Someone I secretly want as well but also want to keep away from. Because I know they would take me over. They would take control. No one has ever really been able to do that. I know I want that but it's frightening to. How would I respond to someone I couldn't easily charm? Someone who'd simply move ahead with what ever his agenda was? How would I handle being powerless, with nothing I could do even in full blown heathen, hellion Irish wildkatt temper, to stop or even slow him down?
I was thinking casually about a question I was asked. This is a hot subject. Would I ever have sex for money? I've thought about that before. I remember taking a Cosmo test with a friend asking would you make a good mistress? My shy, timid little girl friend ended up in the hell no category. I was in the highest yes one. Not sure that's good or bad. I think a lot had to do with the submissive thing. The desire I have to serve and to please those who matter to me.
I was also thinking laughingly, not serious, well that would be one way to make sure the rent gets paid til I get a new job.
Was a night that I couldn't sleep. I always have my bedroom window open a bit, even if it's only 10 degrees out, I need fresh air. So suddenly I realize some woman in the apartment across from me is just sobbing and sobbing. She's sobbing and saying things I can't make out and suddenly this totally cold, flat, no emotion voice speaks up, saying "grab a life bitch." Well I bolt upright at that, and being the do anything that comes to mind woman I am, yank up the window shade to see if I can see anything. Katts are curious, after all. Besides, was black in my bedroom. No one would have seen me peeking.
Nope, nothing to see, and that woman keeps crying so of course now I really can't sleep. I thought the guy was a fucking asshole to be able to make and listen to a woman cry that hard and obviously not give a shit. And I wondered why the hell that woman was still there? Because that would never happen in my world!
So the grab a life bitch guy wasn't anything hot to me but it did start me thinking about hard core, bad ass men, who actually were decent in their own devious, force of nature ways. What woman wouldn't get turned on by the thought of a man cold to the rest of the world that she made burn?
So I'm thinking, fuck, no way I'm going to get sleep while she's crying. I yank the window down to just a tiny open crack and get comfy again. I wonder, what's something sexy exciting to make stories up about til I finally fall asleep?
What if the man in that apartment across from me wasn't a grab a life bitch lowlife but someone 'licious, sexy who had an eye on me, just waiting for an opportunity, an opening, some tiny little thing he could use to get what he had made up his mind to have?
He's been watching me since I moved in, the shades open, sitting on my bed, curled up around my laptop, hearing me giggle, and laugh exuberantly out loud. He catches quick glimpses of long, bare legs untwisting, swinging free of the laptop as I uncurl off the bed to dart out of the room.
He's heard me cum, hot summmer days, shades down, but window thrown wide to catch any stray whisp of breeze, not thinking about the fact that if I can hear him, then he can hear me.
He knows that I mewl when I cum. And that I cum hard and fast and long. And he knows that I have no lover, no man, that I cum by my own fingers and whatever toys he can only guess about.
He's met my eyes, once, after I slipped back into my T-shirt and twisted onto my knees to yank the shade back up the better to get those breezes.
And he knows, by the shock and mortification that bloomed instantly in my eyes, the red that filled my cheeks, the way the shades slammed instantly down the second after our eyes locked, that I'm still the kinda girl that daddy warned about boys like him.
So he makes his plans. He watches, he listens, and he learns that I've just lost my job. And he sees a possible opening.
A few weeks later he's close enough to hear me talking to the caretaker; a sweet guy who knows about my situation, knows that unemployment benefits are hard to stretch enough to pay for everything. He hears me asking Jake what I have to pay after the first penalty and smiles. He has his opening.
He's made sure over the last few weeks, months, to talk to me, both of us leaving our apartment buildings at the same time. Just casual things, cold today, or, nice to see some sun.
He's made me feel used to him, that good looking man who talks to me casually. He's just a neighbor. Just someone polite to another tenant in the two buildings Jake caretakes for.
I think he's totally hot. But a guy like him doesn't notice someone like me.
He's not from my world. Why would he notice me? Just a country girl suddenly having to make it on her own.
I'm coming back from the store and's he's standing outside his apartment building finishing a smoke. He looks up as I approach and smiles at me.
"How goes the search?"
