Who can I trust saying no?
Angie anguished over her fascination with the thrill of forced sex while horrified at the reality of it for so many victims she worked with. She knew it was a topic few women felt comfortable sharing and harboured their similar feelings. Finally deciding to seek help, Angie discovered a boutique medical practice specialising in women's health and sexual therapy. Sometimes you need someone to trust to say no to and to satisfy a hidden and taboo need.
Thank you for putting my mind at rest. My wicked body thanks you as well! Angie.
*
I felt shame, confusion and even guilt. But an even more powerful emotion was the moist throbbing heat between my thighs with the images. Did I secretly want to be raped? It distressed me but I wouldn't dare mention it to my wife. But discussing it with a new doctor was liberating and surprisingly enjoyable. That's something else I haven't told Veronica.
Roni to her friends, we first met when I started working at a violence resource centre delivering training in bullying, harassment and gender discrimination. Roni managed the centre that provided support and counselling, training and advocacy. We soon became more than close friends.
I was attracted to Roni's masculine femininity. Her soft manly facial features, framed in short hair and a well-defined and lightly muscular body with perky little tits were a real turn on. I'm adventurous when it comes to relationships, excited at challenging the social norms and sexual boundaries. I like doing naughty things I really shouldn't.
They say opposites attract. Roni's openly gay, ten years older at 48 and vanilla sex is her flavour of choice. It's the only thing I'd love to change about her. Nobody could mistake me as a guy with my long blond curly hair and pretty looks. My full and firm teardrop tits, tight ass and long toned legs look great in a short and body-hugging dress. We fell in love and married soon after the law changed to allow same-sex marriages.
We both know how traumatising real-life rape can be. It's part of our job, supporting those who experience sexual violence and promoting prevention is what we do. I couldn't imagine anyone wanting to be raped. It just isn't sexy. But I couldn't fathom my fascination and how aroused it makes me. Roni isn't into sexual fantasies or even rough sex. I wasn't prepared to risk what we have together by mentioning my erotic daydreaming.
My favourite fantasy is a first date with someone I'd just met on an Internet singles site. It's either a guy or a girl but always someone I've never met before. The end of the evening back at my apartment goes terribly wrong but ever so erotically satisfying . . .
It wasn't a 'goodbye and I'd like to see you again' type of kiss, it was more passionate and more demanding than that. 'Something wrong?' She wickedly grinned as I pulled away.
Something in her gaze frightened me. 'Just unexpected,' I muttered, trying to read her mind.
'Then I guess you don't fuck on first dates?' She grinned even more wickedly, not really expecting an answer.
I breathed in sharply and a trickle of fear weaved its way down my spine. 'I think you should leave, now!' I said, nervously raising my voice.
'Not until I get that fuck,' she deeply moaned back, lunging at me and then wrestling me to the floor.
She was too big, too strong and relentlessly worked a hungry hand under my short skirt. 'Get off of me you bitch!' I cried into the carpet, her weight pinning me down.
Her other hand reached up under my loose top and I grimaced as she ripped my bra up to roughly grab a breast. 'No, no, no. Stop it, stop it . . . please,' I finally begged, thighs firmly clenched and gripping the wrist of a hand invading my panties.
My heart was pounding and I began tiring with the effort. 'Open those gorgeous legs you've been flashing at me all night,' she moaned into my ear, her fingertips straining towards my slippery folds.
It was a hopeless situation and I couldn't resist much more. My eyes widened with the surprising moist throb that had ignited between my legs. I'd never been so turned on. I increasingly welcomed the physical abuse, moaning as much in pleasure as fear and distress.
My feigned futile attempts to strain against her just made me hornier and wetter. 'I don't want you to fuck me!' I lied unconvincingly, my thighs offering token residence to being worked apart.
Realising I'd finally succumb to the torturous pleasure, she allowed me to wriggle free and turn onto my back. 'Don't hurt me,' I gasped, my unrestrained tits heaving in my top as I took in her predatory gaze.
She lowered he face and roughly kissed me with greedy and exploring lips. I resisted the urge to kiss her back, denying her tongue entry as it tried forcing its way into my mouth. Finally yielding as I gasped with the hit of adrenaline as her hand dived into my panties and then moaning into her mouth as two fingers thrust into my sensitive internal flesh.
Her fingers locked into my blonde curls and her eyes narrowed as she held my aroused gaze. 'Hear how fucking wet you are?' She moaned, her palm violently slapping against my sodden pussy.
I gripped my top and pulled it up to reveal my tits, arching my back to offer the soft and succulent flesh. 'Oh, you are a naughty girl,' she moaned, lowering her mouth and capturing a nipple . . .
How could I ever explain to Roni getting that excited about being raped? I was even too embarrassed and ashamed to discuss the fantasies with my doctor. I needed answers and even wondered if I needed counselling or some kind of treatment. The violence resource centre I worked at certainly wasn't an option!
I started searching for somewhere else for help and discovered a boutique medical centre known as The Practice. It was in the fashionable and historic Park Crescent area and conveniently not far from where I worked. Doctor Love sounded perfect, specialising in women's health and a sex therapist and counsellor. I finally summoned the nerve to phone.
Maddisyn, the Practice manager, gave me a tour of the beautifully renovated double-story terrace building and impressed, I registered as a Guest. The period features, antique furniture and furnishings in every room were gorgeous. There was a surprising calmness and intimacy about the Practice. It gave me hope that discussing my distressing fantasies would be less confronting. It's expensive but I just felt so comfortable being there.
I had so many questions going through my mind before my first appointment. Why can something so deeply distressing be so erotically arousing? What about my state of mind, my personality and sexual kinks? I hardly thought of myself as a sexual deviant. Was work affecting me? It's often distressing, making enjoying the violent fantasies all the more bizarre.
The counselling was wonderful. I instantly felt a connection I didn't have with my usual doctor. Doctor Love's charming and definitely good looking for a man who must be 20 years older than me. His caring gentle manner soon put me at ease, even a little excited where our conversations went. I never once felt awkward or embarrassed discussing my fantasies, just a trickle of arousal as they became increasingly intimate. I've never enjoyed doctor visits so much!
The first two sessions alleviated all my fears and concerns. Nonconsenting and forced sex fantasies are normal and common among women, so I discovered. I was fascinated hearing the difference between fantasies and actual real-life experiences. Images and the thought of losing control, giving up, submitting to desire and then having passionate sex was turning me on rather than the thought of being raped. I was relieved and intrigued.
Our third session was even more exciting, my panties moistening as I gazed into my new doctor's alluring blue eyes. He explained how couples fulfilled their fantasy, acting out forced-sex scenarios. I was amazed at the planning involved, creating the surprise and making it realistic. Obviously trust and communication were important, agreeing what was okay and wasn't and using a safe word or action, just in case.
My fertile mind and aroused body were racing with possibilities. I imagined a hooded burglar robbing our apartment and attacking me, being pulled into the bushes while running through a secluded forest or even my favourite dating site fantasy. But I knew it wasn't going to happen.
Roni's not into anything that resembles aggressive sex and loathes any kind of violence. There just wasn't anyone else. Besides, even my naughty side wouldn't stoop to cheating on my wife. 'Who can I trust saying no?' Challenged my mind and frustrated my body as I waited for today's session with Doctor Love.
I've been enjoying my sessions, maybe a little more than I should. But what's the harm in that? Doctor Love's handsome and charming and I've noticed him checking me out. My naughty doctor obviously enjoys flirting as much as me. I'd selected an off-the-shoulder top for the session, revealing more than I really should. The mid-thigh skirt had enticing swish at the hem and showed off my long silky-smooth legs in heels.
I was a little excited about finding out about some new treatment as I walked up the path to the large stained-glass door. 'Hello Angie,' Maddisyn smiled as she answered the doorbell, her gaze lingering on what I was wearing a few seconds longer than necessary.
I have a talent for dressing to attract attention and Maddisyn's reaction brought a smile to my face. 'I love your outfit,' she commented as we moved through to the Sitting Room.
Maddisyn's an attractive young woman in her mid-20's with dark below the shoulder loose curls and a petite figure. She's lovely and her soft and caring nature helped put me at ease. I've noticed her eyes straying to roam over me as we've talked, causing me to wonder. Then again, maybe Maddisyn's straight and just a little curious. She would have noticed I was bisexual in the survey I completed when registering.
The Sitting Room is gorgeous for relaxing before an appointment. I put a little more effort into my steps, loving the feel of my breasts bouncing and the hem of my skirt flicking the top of my legs. Maddisyn followed me to the two luxurious couches nestled in front of a magnificent white marble fireplace.
I got comfortable on the couch, wondering if Maddisyn enjoyed my little teasing. 'Would you like anything before seeing Doctor Love?' She kindly asked, interrupting my wicked thoughts.
I returned her infectious smile. 'I'd love that white wine I had last week,' I replied, taking in her lovely figure in a tight-fitting pencil slacks and matching jacket.
'Certainly,' Maddisyn replied and went to the kitchenette behind her desk at the other end of the Sitting Room.
Maddisyn soon returned with the wine and a selection of cheese and fruit. 'I thought you might like something with the wine,' she smiled, placing the silver tray on the antique coffee table.
'Thank you. It looks lovely,' I grinned, enjoying being a Guest.
