It's not fair. Why do I have to be like this? Why does everyone else get to sleep like normal people, while I lay here in bed suffering, tired yet unable to sleep?
Such were the thoughts that plagued 18- year- old Jasmine's mind at 3 o'clock in the morning, or rather in the dead of night, depending on how you look at it. These thoughts, along with her condition, had been plaguing her for almost a year now. She didn't need a doctor's opinion to know that she had insomnia. She'd tried everything both she and her doctor could think of: medications (and a great variety of them), changes in her daily routine and sleep patterns, meditation, different diets, hypnosis, relaxation techniques, and other methods of treatment all to no avail. Well, to be honest, she had not tried
everything
that her doctor had recommended. Cognitive behavioral therapy, her doctor had called it. Her explanation of what it was supposed to do for her was missed by Jasmine, however. She'd tuned out after the word 'therapy.' The very idea of it turned her off. After the events of this past summer, despite the advice of those closest to her, she didn't even want to consider letting someone probe her mind, her innermost thoughts and fears. No thank you.
So there she lay, in bed, at 3 o'clock at night, unable to sleep for more than a few minutes before waking up again. To make things even better, she had her first class at 8 in the morning, general biology with about 50 other college freshmen. There was no way that she would be able to pay attention, if the last few months were any indication.
She was so caught up in her thoughts that she just barely heard the knock at her door.
Knock knock knock.
"Jasmine, you up?" The person at her door stopped and laughed quietly. "What am I saying? Of course you are." And with that they opened her door, not bothering to wait for a proper invitation.
"Why, do come in. I was only trying to sleep, but don't worry about it," she responded, feeling irritated. "Hey, you know what? The more, the merrier! Why don't you invite your girlfriend and all your other friends while we're barging into people's rooms? Make it a fiesta!" She could feel her temper rising, but her lack of sleep as of late sometimes caused her to abandon her usually calm and rational demeanor, and instead lash out, often at her roommate just as she was right now.
"Jeez, calm down, Jas," he said, flashing an innocent smile." I was just coming in here to check on you. I could hear your heavy, woeful sighs all the way from my room. I thought I'd be nice and check up on you. But if I'm bothering you," he said as he raised his hands in a show of mock surrender while slowly backing out of the room," then I'll just go."
He kept his hands up and his piercing blue eyes on her as he continued to back out of the room, all the while wearing his innocent smile. '
He's always been one for theatrics,'
Jasmine thought to herself, but she could admit that she was acting bitchy and decided to remedy the situation.
"Wait, Garrett," she hesitated trying to gather up the courage to apologize. "I'm sorry," she got out through clenched teeth. She had never been good at apologizing to people, regardless of whether or not she was truly at fault.
"Wow, what a great apology." But he was already walking back into her room, smile still in place. He took a seat at the edge of her bed and she sat up to give him more room, while unconsciously pulling the blanket up further to cover herself.
"No," she sighed, "seriously, I'm sorry. I'm just being bitchy because of my insomnia. Please forgive me," she said, pushing out her bottom lip in an adorable-looking pout.
Garrett laughed, then lightly ran his thumb over her bottom lip. It was quite normal for them to touch each other or show affection in this manner. "It's alright. I understand. I'd be grumpy, too, if I barely got any sleep for a year. Honestly, though," he furrowed his eyebrows in consternation, "how do you do it?"
As he awaited her reply, she thought over the past year and she herself wondered just how she had managed to avoid completely breaking down. She had no idea. She recalled the time when her insomnia was so severe that she had gotten not even a minute of sleep for 4 days and started to hallucinate that there were tiny holes all over her body. Garrett had just moved into the apartment with her at that time and had been pretty freaked out by her behavior, though he did succeed in calming her down. And that time about 6 months ago when she collapsed in her Spanish class. Rather extreme, yes, but she had been much better lately, as far as the symptoms went. Her doctor told her that it was better to get intermittent moments of sleep than absolutely no sleep at all.
While she thought, Garrett took the opportunity to look over his roommate. He noted her disheveled appearance: her hair in disarray, the bags under her eyes, the lack of energy in her eyes and voice. Regardless, she was still a beauty. He loved her long, flowing black hair, chocolate brown eyes, full lips, caramel-colored skin, and curvy body. He often wondered why she didn't have a boyfriend, before remembering that she was too concerned with her condition to care about having a one. Still, she was absolutely stunning. She was also quite possibly the smartest, kindest, and most charismatic person he knew. He loved hearing her speak Spanish. Her family was from Mexico, though she had been born in Memphis. She spoke it perfectly, however. He could listen to her forever, even though he only understood about 50 percent of what she said. She was teaching him, slowly but surely. She had even taken to speaking Spanglish in his presence, regardless if there were others with them or not. They always got a laugh out of seeing the confused expressions on everyone's faces. He found it amazing that she could switch between the two so fast. He had only known her for about 6 months, which was well after her 'incident' that she had always refused to talk about and after her insomnia had developed, but even so, he had always admired her.
"You know, Garrett," her words brought him out of his reverie, "I honestly have no idea. Maybe it's because I have my big, strong Gare-bear here to protect me," she finished with a smile on her face.
"Wow, I could've sworn that we agreed that you would stop calling me that."
She scrunched up her face. "No lo recuerdo."
"Oh, how convenient for you."
She laughed under her breath, then said "I thought you were sleeping at Emily's apartment tonight. Why are you home? Not that I don't enjoy your company, of course."
"Yeah, I thought I was sleeping over there, but apparently so did the other man in her life." His voice was relatively calm as he spoke, and even carried a bit of a humorous tone. This confused Jasmine, but she decided that she had simply misheard his tone.
"Ay, that bites. Sorry, Garrett."
"Meh," he said with a shrug of his shoulders. "It's whatever. She said it was because I wasn't paying her enough attention and because whenever I'm with her, I always seem to be somewhere else. Honestly, I couldn't care less. I'm already over it."
He spoke with such calm and conviction that she immediately believed him. She didn't know why exactly, but she suddenly felt invigorated. Garrett had been dating Emily since they were both 15, four years now, but Jasmine had never liked her. She always seemed... off somehow.
"Well, in that case, don't obliged to invite her to the party."
Garrett laughed whole-heartedly. Jasmine had a weird sense of humor, but he loved it.
"Yeah, let's just make it a party for two." With that, he scooted closer so that he was sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with her and pulled the blanket over himself. He could feel his leg resting right beside hers. Garrett was wearing a pair of shorts. Even at night, the hot summer air would not let up, as was typical of southern Tennessee. Garrett had taken to sleeping in just his underwear, and so apparently had Jasmine. He could feel that she had no bottoms on, and from accidentally rubbing his bare arm against her side, he discovered that she wasn't wearing a shirt either, though he couldn't tell if she was wearing a bra or not. Though he couldn't see it, the thought of Jasmine sitting almost completely naked beside him caused his groin to start throbbing.