When I Am Gone

Chapter 23

When I went to see Dr. Logan, I told him I was ready to talk about the party, if that will end me coming to see you. He said ok and began asking his questions.

They were all about how I was feeling at certain times of the party. He also thought that it was good that I shared what I was thinking about, but that was easy, all I wanted to do was kiss Aaron.

Dr. Logan told me he wanted to know what happened to me when I started drinking. I told him I couldn't remember anything. So he asked if I ever heard of hypnotism.

I said of course, but I didn't believe in it. So he dimmed the light and told me to lay down on the couch. He told me he was gonna count backward from 5 and when he gets to 1, I will be at the party drunk. He told me if I feel endangered at anytime I would wake you.

So he said 5 your eyes are getting heavy, 4 you are at Mikey's house, 3 you can smell the alcohol, 2 you can see everyone in the kitchen and 1 you are at the party. It was like a tv screen in my mind.

I was watching me chug so much beer and I could remember the awful taste and the feeling of all my limbs going numb. I watched myself bump into and get crazy. I saw how protective Aaron was with me and I missed having that close of a friend.

He brought me to Mikey's room and I just realized how much I hated that room. Aaron told me to sleep tight and that he'll be back up in an hour. I laid there peacefully until I heard someone run into the door.

It was Mikey drunk off his ass. He looked at me and saw me on his bed. I started to remember the feeling of my ass all sore the next morning. By then I knew that he raped me. Dr. Logan saw that I began sweating and yelling he's on top of me, get him off, get him off, Dr. Logan said it's alright I'm here.

I kept yelling at myself to move and get up, but I didn't do anything. I started getting violent while on the couch and Dr. Logan tried to get me out. I heard him say 1 you eyes are feeling lighter, 2 you are now in Dr. Logan's office, 3 we are talking about baseball, 4 you are safe and 5 you are awake.

But I didn't wake up, I was still in my mind. I didn't know where I was. But then my mind started to play a different memory. It was me standing outside Ashton's waiting for Aaron.

All of a sudden, I could see and feel the pain again. How the boys started to beat me and choke. I cried for them to stop and leave me alone, but they didn't. I cried for Dr. Logan to let me leave, but he didn't wake me.

I could see Mikey and his gang beating me and telling me that I should've stayed away from Aaron. Finally, I was pulled away from all of this nightmare. I woke up and saw that I was restrained to the couch and I asked why am I tied down Dr. Logan, but then I saw the shattered glass and the mess I made in his office.

He kept me tied down because he thought I was too unstable after hearing and processing all this new information. He finally let me go, after I told him I was fine and that I'm gonna make a podcast tonight about this new information.

However, I lied to Dr. Logan because I didn't make a podcast that night, I had something bigger planned.

Chapter 24

3 weeks after my visit with Dr. Logan and the baseball season is almost over. With the combined team of Aaron and I, we have managed to make it to championships.

However, on the day before the championships, I decided to get my plan in place for tomorrow night. There were 2 people I needed to talk to, Derek and Owen. Derek and I used to be friends in elementary school, but then he met Mikey and we stopped being friends.

I asked him was he there the night you guys put me in the hospital. He said he had no idea what I was talking about until I threatened to have him arrested. Then he started to tell me all the things he has done to me, has made him sick to his stomach. And that he has hated himself and Mikey for doing it to me.

I also needed to talk to Owen because he is in the booth in charge of scoring and also played my video last year. So I paid him $20 to play a video during the game. So that the whole world knows I am not a liar.

The day of the game everyone got pumped up. They were selling spirit gear like crazy and tickets were sold out in a matter of minutes. The game started and I was up to bat first.

I knocked the ball out of the park and the crowd went nuts. However, I started to hit the balls to the other team players because I needed the game to go by faster.

However, I managed to get the score to be 13 to 4 and it was halftime. Instead of giving us a pep talk, coach let us practice on the field. However, I had a different idea in mind.

Owen handed me a mic and I knew there was no turning back. I said hello to all the people who came out to see us tonight. Nobody understood what was going on, but everyone just went with it.

As I told everyone that tonight they should watch my podcast. I moved closer to Mikey and THWACK. I hit Mikey in the head with the bat and it felt good. As Mikey friends came running towards me trying to stop me, I said if you come any closer I'll hit him again.

Then I said what the hell, I'm gonna hit him again, THWACK. The whole crowd gasped and cried at the site of me beating Mikey. But then I yelled to Owen to start it up. On the screen, a video began to play and it was the night of the baseball team/birthday party.

All you can see is Mikey on top of Aaron, raping him. Then all of a sudden, I burst out of the closet. Everyone saw Mikey and I arguing in his room and tell me how much I'm worthless and how no one will believe me.

As I could see the hurt and sadness on everyone's face on how they treated me, how my teammates treated me, how Aaron treated me. As tears ran down my face, I said to the crowd, look around, who is the real monster.

Everyone of you thought I raped Aaron. Well turns out at the party, you know the video you saw. I came down naked because Mikey raped me too upstairs, that's why I was naked. But all of you laughed at me and thought it was funny that he raped me.

Mikey has tortured and tormented me throughout my life and now I've paid back the favor. Mikey will not be able to rape any of you again because I crippled him. Justice wasn't given to me, so I found justice.

After security pulled me off the field, the crowds left and it began to rain. I sat there in the school, in the principal's office waiting to be expelled. However, I got suspended for a month.

They said what Mikey did was unbearable, no one helped you when you needed help the most. The Principal said if I have one more problem at this school, that lands me in the principal's office, I will be expelled for good.

However, that night when I got home from the game and seeing the principal, I opened my computer and named this the beginning of the end. Wow, was that a performance or what. Tonight was a miracle, I would like to thank Owen and Derek for helping me out.

They have been the only people who actually have helped me. I want to tell you tonight I feel alive. Right now I can guess what you guys are feeling right now and let me tell you it is how I felt my whole high school life.

I have always had that I'm gonna be sick feeling or I hate myself feeling. It's awful to have, but I don't hate myself. Tonight I had a mission to expose Mikey for what he is. I might have built some bridges tonight, but I might have destroyed a lot of some too.

For anyone I have hurt tonight, deal with it, if you are hurting it is because you hurt me.

Next month when I come back to school don't be afraid to say hi. Be the one who changes Jefferson high.

Now that Mikey is gone, you can have a voice and share how you feel. When I signed off that night, I looked to see how many viewers I had. I had over 500, listening to me rant about the school. It felt so good to be heard because now everyone knows the truth.