The nice police officer told me to call him daddy. This was two months ago and I thought that it was a strange request a first. I trusted this man, a respected officer and a protector by heart. He started visiting me to "check in" on me a few months back. He expressed concern that I was a woman living alone. He became a friend. Intelligent, insightful and blunt, he challenged me and encouraged me. He was also older than I but when he leveled his eyes at me and firmly directed me to call him daddy, I wanted to ask why. My heart started racing and I complied with the request, finding that it felt natural.
He was a good daddy, bringing me presents and encouraging me to carry out various assignments when he left. When he would stop by with a present, he would smile excitedly and he always asked what I'd accomplished since his last visit. Now, my daddy is tall and handsome and when he presented me with a little gift, his intense eyes would light up and I would hug him, touching his salt and pepper hair.
I never felt safer than when he pulled me into his strong arms. A stillness came over me and I breathed in his smell – a mix of soap and fresh air. He made me feel small and nervous and unsure. This was before daddy came over to force me one day.
He visited me one day and he seemed different. When he entered my small space, I flushed and lost my voice. He always had this effect on me. I would get nervous and fidget and look down until I pulled myself together. But on this day, I couldn't manage to lose this apprehension. Gone was the smile he normally greeted me with. He stared directly into my eyes and I willed myself to look back, shrinking into my chair, feeling suddenly naked and exposed. This wasn't just apprehension – I was afraid.
When daddy ordered me into the bedroom, I got up and walked, stunned, head down and hardly breathing. I was alone in the house – he knew I was alone. Where could I go? What could I do? He was daddy, a police officer, and more importantly, I wasn't really sure that I wanted to get away. I just wanted him to smile and tell me he was kidding. I wanted to breathe again.